Polygamy and jealousy.?

Question

Any one in a polygamous realtionship who wants to give me some advice on comtrolling jealousy and anger about the situation I am in? I love my husband and my jealousy is taking bad toll on my marriage. I chose this life as his second wife, and it's not fair for me to take my anger out on him or his first wife, but I do sometimes and it causes problems. My email is my user name.

Please only serious answers. Polygamy isn't any differant than an open marriage or swingers. It's actually better than those situations because we are married, not just sleeping around.

Answer 1

Well plolygamy isn't for everyone... are you sure this is the life you want?

If so then why are you jealous? There is a reason but only you can find it. Do you love the first wife? Do you love the husband? This can only work if you love both of them and they both love you. It's a matter of respect for each as individuals and a genuine love that wants everyone to be happy.

I personally have never been in a poligamous relationship but did consider it. Just to let you know I'm not agaisnt it. It's just not right for everyone.

Answer 2

You chose to be in this relationship knowing very well the circumstances. There is no way to control jealousy other than talking to your spouse about it and allowing them to help make things better. Trust in a polygamous relationship is probably the hardest to earn, but if you are willing to continue, you need to communicate with him. If that doesn't work, you should seek a marriage counsellor. Good luck.

Answer 3

Polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously.Couples in open marriage expose themselves to situations that can potentially provoke jealousy. Most couples in open marriages report experiencing jealousy at some point during their marriage. Couples in open marriages also experience jealousy more frequently than couples in sexually monogamous marriages. Ground rules are one way to help manage jealousy in open relationships. However, ground rules may not be sufficient. Couples in open marriages may benefit from a general understanding of jealousy and how to cope with it.

Answer 4

The best way is to make your husband's first wife your friend and treat her like your sister. I'm a muslim woman and in islam it is allowed but I am not into it. My neighbour is in polygamy. He has four wives and they all live in one house. After looking at them, I think polygamy is not that bad. They are very happy because all four wives treat each other as sisters and behave like friends. They go shopping together.

Don't be jealous. I think your husband's first wife should be jealous because your husband chose you after he was married to her and that means you are better than your husband's first wife.

You can e mail me if you want to. I'll give you my neighbour's last wifes email address and you can ask her, she is my friend.

My email is [e-mail]

You can email me

Answer 5

Polygamy isn't any differant than an open marriage or swingers. It's actually better than those situations because we are married, not just sleeping around.

Yeah and they serves same purpose. Stealing other woman's happiness.!!

Answer 6

You'll be miserable the rest of your life if you don't leave. No woman deserves to be put through that. I can't give you any advice other than to leave. I believe polygamy is wrong, as well as open marriages and swingers.
I am happily married and monogamous...let me tell you, you are missing out on so much! I can't imagine putting myself in your situation...life would become unlivable. You sound unhappy...that's no way to go through life. You are cheating yourself.

Answer 7

For most it's not natural to want to share your partner, so jealousy would be normal. You obviously don't want to share him. I would not take possession of this as soley your problem, your marriage is a two/three way street so perhaps the three of you should discuss and meet in the middle. You may never get over the jealousy. FYI, I'm not in that type of marriage but we have swung before, but that's more about sex and less about feelings.

Answer 8

Jesus said in the book of Matthew that God had created one man, for one woman. Orginally polygamy was set up for populating the earth. Well, its pretty full right now so we don't need any more kids right?

Obviously you agreed to this marriage or you wouldn't be in it.

Answer 9

how you doing sister. let me tell you that the creation of man is different than the creation of women. you will be surprise but your husband loves you, and he still can't live without you. women are jealous in nature.
other women complain their husbands cheats on them, or lie to them. your husband is clear with you and honest with you. God allowed polygamy under the term of being Fair with both wives. and to solve many problems in the society. don't think of it as a jelousy, but think of it as a big family that you are part of it. love your 2nd wife as your friend, and enjoy the big family. marriage in the west are falling badly, lack of family structure, and high rate of divorce. so don't listen too much of what other people say, and say whatever God command, shall be.

Answer 10

I'm sure many will judge you for your lifestyle. That's not my department. As for the answer to your question:
First, jealousy and possessiveness have nothing to do with love. They have everything to do with selfishness. Assuming you're religious, read the 13th Chapter of Corinthians. See if anything you're feeling is defined there.
Second, selfishness is not necessarily immoral. We are not required to love others more than we love ourselves, only to love them AS (to the same degree) we love ourselves. Weighing your own self-interests against the interests of others is not "wrong", or immoral. It's required. Since it is physiologically hard-wired into us, there is no way we could eliminate it if we tried.
Third, assuming you are a rational being, you entered the marriage anticipating meeting the needs of others, while having your own needs met by them as well. You need to weigh your feelings to see if they are a rational response to your needs not being met (giving more than you're getting), or if they are an irrational response to you not getting everything you want.
Fourth, each of us has only so many resources. Only so much time, so much money, so much energy (physical and emotional). When we are stretched by many committments, or conflicting ones, those resources run thin. Is it possible your husband is being stretched thin by his comittments? That there just aren't enough resources to go around? Or are you just demanding too many?
Fifth, there are many "levels" of behavior. We act through intellect, through emotion, through instinct, etc. We have many different motivators; many different drives; many different desires that demand to be met. In these, there are fundamental differences between men and women. One of the reasons for your feelings deal with a fundamental, instictinve difference between the sexes. It deals with the drive for procreation. Simply put, a man can have children in many different places. A woman can have children in only one (herself). For a man, the best chance for survival of his progeny (children) is to have them in many different places, each with a woman hard-coded to nurture them. This is the instinctive drive for a man to have more than one sexual partner. (Higher order values can override this instinct, but never completely overcome it). For a woman, the best chance for the survival of her progeny is to have a man devote all his resources to see them (and her) through to maturity. You have a natural, instinctive drive to get him to devote all his resources to you. If his resources are divided, you are jealous (out of fear that there will not be enough resources for you and your children). You will never overcome this instinct. It is not humanly possible. So, stop feeling guilt about feelings you cannot control. Accept your feelings as a rational response to an instinctive drive that is designed to see your children secure.
Women in "traditional" relationships get this exact same feeling. If a man devotes too many resources to friends, career, other family, etc. the woman becomes jealous. She is afraid he will not devote enough resources to see her and her children through.
Your feelings are not just because you are polygamous. They are because you are female.

I hope this helps.