Married for 9 years with 3 beutiful daughters. We havent had sex for 3 years and i dont love him anymore, there is someone i have been flirting with and dont know if i want it to go further. i just want to be with some one who will love and look after me, but i think this may never be possible, even though i am only 36 i feel i will spend the rest of my life lonely, well until the girls grow up and by that time i'll be in my 50's and who will want me now, so im thinking well may be a bit of fun for now?
2006-10-18 11:45:39 · 62 answers · asked by brownie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sucks to be you.
2006-10-18 11:47:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think I'd kinda have to go with Kay. 38 is the usual year for an affair in a married woman. Usually she has been married quite a while, and sorta wonders if she still has it, so you are right on target. But your marriage will be over --- betrayal is the deepest cut any spouse can give another, and there is no way to keep it a secret. If you have not discussed your sexual frustration with your husband, you should. He might surprise you with his comments!!!!! In your place, I'd try 5 or 6 therapy sessions, either alone, or with him if he is willing...... read some books on how to respark your marriage ("For you Both by Lonnie Barbach -- top sex therapist in the country today, cheap in paperback, can be at your house by Friday from Amazon.com) If you're really not interested in investing time and effort into your marriage, have the decency of telling your husband you want out of your marriage, so that he can find someone worth his trust and love, and you can too. Relationships are made of Admiration, Respect, Passion, and Trust. When the Trust is gone, all the rest of it soon follows. This is not to say that a divorce is not a good thing....... Things do indeed wear out -- cars, teeth, joints, washing machines, and yes, marriages. 200 years ago, few of us lived long enough to be married 10, 20 or 30 years. Now all of that is quite common, and we all then must confront boredom.
Helpful? Need more? write me....I'm good at this.
2006-10-18 12:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go for the affair. A) You can't go the rest of your life without sex, that is ridiculous. W*nking for the next 30 years is equally ridiculous. B) You can't/won't have sex with husband. Welcome to long-term-married-life. C) You don't love him anyways. What is the point of staying with him. D) He's having an affair himself. How/why else would sex be off the menu for 3 long years. E) Who said you'll get found out? Not if you and your chosen partner are careful you won't. F) And here's the big secret -- lightning will NOT strike you down.
And so it may be over between you. Your daughters will cry and then they'll get over it and be like the majority of the other kids in their classes. Your child-custody arrangements will be complicated and boring. But at least you will have a pulse and that's more than you've got now, right?
2006-10-19 09:53:12 · answer #3 · answered by Summer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is definately not something to rush into.....first of all, you said you don't love your husband. Do you really not love him? Or do you just feel as though there is nothing there.....he doesn't love you like he used to.......or the spark has gone?? If you feel like that maybe you do still love the man you married and had 3 beautiful children with - but after years of the same boring stuff, you can lose sight of why you fell in love with a person in the first place. Have you tried to improve your relationship with your husband? If not, put all your effort into rekindiling your love & you may find that this will brighten up all of your lives to the place where you want to be - this other man isn't the way to your happiness, you have your happiness at home - you just need to find it again. All an affair will do is thrill you for a couple of weeks or months but then leave you feeling even emptier than before.......just think about it. Best of luck.
2006-10-18 12:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by bellajezz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) An affair NEVER solves a problem - it just creates more problems. How would you feel if your daughters found out you were having an affair? It would hurt them to know you were cheating on their dad.
2) You owe it to your girls and husband to try to keep the family together. Try some family counseling to see what is going wrong.
3) What would an affair teach your daughters about the sacred vows of marriage? They will learn that if you don't like it you can just cheat on your husband.
4) And finally, what do you mean by the comment that no one will want you in your 50s? I am 53 and have just met the most wonderful man on Earth. We are true soul mates. He was glad to learn that I had been in a marriage with no sex for 6 years but did NOT have an affair. I do not believe in cheating on someone - no matter what. When my ex was able to live on his own we divorced. He had been in very poor health and needed me those years.
2006-10-18 11:52:57 · answer #5 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why haven't you had sex for 3 years? That is not normal. Unless, your husband is not capable. I say your husband because you are thinking of the affair so you must feel neglected. Is this something you can work on through counseling? You loved your husband once, what made you fall out of love? I felt this way once and I sat down and said OK it is like this, I am going to do this unless something changes. We went to counseling and we now have the best relationship. Better than before we got together. You must work at keeping a relationship going and you will fall in and out of love over the years. If there is no saving it, then get a divorce...then have your fun. A cheater is always a cheater.
2006-10-18 12:18:49 · answer #6 · answered by RITA G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are those who stay together for the children but live separate lives. The only way this works though is if it is an open and honest situation.
Anything that is dishonest will always backfire and create more problems than it is worth.
If your marriage is not repairable then you really should get a divorce before you start seeing someone else. Think about what you want to teach your daughters because if they find out... it's not going to be very pretty.
It's admirable to want to stay together for the sake of the children but it is not the only option. Besides I don't think your children would be very happy later on to learn that you were miserable because you didn't want to disrupt their lives.
It is very possible to divorce with little disruption to the lives of the children but both parents have to want it to be peaceful. I believe that shared custody is the best option that will disrupt the lives of the children the least. And there are other alternatives as well depending on what is affordable.
Good Luck
2006-10-18 11:55:03 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband. Be honest and open and talk about how u feel and ur needs. Stay away from that someone you have the hots for. Maybe you and your husband can still remedy the situation. If you get a dead-end answer from him, file for a divorce. Then you can proceed with the relationship with this other guy. Don't do anything that would hurt your daughters. Try to solve the problem first. After exhausting all efforts and you still have the same problem, i think it's time to turn a new leaf. It's not fair to stay in a relationship when ur miserable. Good luck.
2006-10-18 12:20:09 · answer #8 · answered by Milie88 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are in a loveless marriage then why don't you get a divorce? Why hide and act like everything is perfect?? The right thing to do is discuss your feelings with your husband. Tell him how you are miserable and how you don't have sex. Then tell him you would like to do counseling. If he does not want to fix the problem then ask for a divorce. What will an affair do? It will only give you a temporary fix to your problem, not to mention the consequences that come with an AFFAIR!!.. If you have had 3 BEAUTIFUL girls by this man (you loved him once) the least you can do is discuss this with him...
2006-10-18 11:53:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are willing to put your family through the misery of a possible breakup? If you dont love your husband and you guys dont have sex then get a divorce, then have your "fun" I think you are just looking for an excuse to fool around but let me tell you from expereince that you are going to hurt yourself, your husband and your little girls if you follow through with an affair. You could also hurt the guy you are flirting with. So if you think it is worth the risk of losing everything then by all means go ahead,
but if I had it to do again I would not.
2006-10-18 11:51:33 · answer #10 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not advise an affair if you are really not happy then leave your partner. If you stay married just for the children then you will end up hating each other and a marriage should only be honoured if you love and respect each other. With out love and respect there is no marriage. I think that you would both be better of it you ended the marriage. I grew up with parents that only stayed together for us as children and believe me it was the worst thing that they could have done. I hope you manage to work out what you want good luck x
2006-10-18 11:58:59 · answer #11 · answered by the strange one 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋