I recently moved to a new state and made some new friends. I met this girl who happens to be in the military, she is young and she's been in for almost a year. She has a relationship with a girl which she has been in for a little over 2 years. Her partner is very supportive of her and always thinks positively. But, my friend is constantly thinking about her future and she likes the military so far and it offers her so much, but she doesn't know if she could hide who she really is and her partner, for a career or even a 2nd enlistment. She is really struggling and I don't know what advice to offer her. This career could bring so much to her life, but it could also put a hard strain on her very important relationship. Again, her partner is very supportive in whatever she does, but she knows it will be a tough life if she keeps hiding. PLEASE do not answer if you are homophobic or whatever, I just want honest answers of people who have some good advice. Thank-you.
2006-10-18 11:08:20 · 11 answers · asked by Bailey 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I did post this earlier, but I didn't get much that helped. Thanks again.
2006-10-18 11:08:40 · update #1
Basically she doesn't know whether to continue after her first enlistment and is unsure, I was just curious on what some of you would do
2006-10-18 11:31:50 · update #2
She needs to be with her partner.She can get another career but can she get another partner she loves so much and why would she want to be in something that wont accept her anyways.
2006-10-19 17:40:16 · answer #1 · answered by mamacitac9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should definitely continue in the military, enlisted --- this is security and power and future for her and whomever she is with. She really doesn't need to hide. In the military there are no relationships that ultimately acceptable. She should totally stay in the military. This is security for now and future. She might be stationed in a place that makes it easy to have a relationship with the one she loves. Just wait. The benefits of being in the military are really good. Tell her to keep her emotions to herself and do her job and write letters and that one day, soon, she will be with the one that she loves. Tell her to keep her chin up, look to the future and as U2 says "don't let the bastards get you down".
2006-10-18 20:00:47 · answer #2 · answered by Peaches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will preface this with the fact that I am pretty much anti military. (it comes down to self sacrifice to the machine.. wearing the uniform makes you part of the machine) Yes there are people who benefit from the service, and if it works for them fine. I mainly object to the men and women being made weapons of war.
I know of women who have endured the witch hunts to weed out gays in the military over the years.. one in the navy always fell asleep when she was nervous.. which worked to her advantage as her interrogators thought she was "innocent" of being gay and was getting out of work too much.. so dropped the investigation of her.
Whatever training your friend gets during the first tour of duty, along with the schooling benefits for having served might be better used in the private sector. Personally I would look at what I can do after the service, and not continue to live a lie in public.. just my opinion.
2006-10-18 19:19:51 · answer #3 · answered by Silvatungfox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really isn't the question here does she want to continue working for someone who considers her a second class citizen, and while they are willing to send her to Iraq to have the top of her head blown off in a roadside bomb, they are not willing to accept her relationship with a woman.
I suggest she take the experience she has gained and use it to get involved with something like personal security where she can be respected and valued.
2006-10-18 18:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As wonderful as any institution is, it is not worth the sacrifice of your family and friends. If the military cannot accept the person she is, I see no reason to try to trick them. You can't live a lie, and if you do it's an empty life.
2006-10-18 18:13:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she would stop and think about it she might realize that the military is more accepting of female gays than gay males and more accepting than civilian work groups might be of both.
it's not a perfect world, and never will be, but if the military offers a satisfying professional life, stick with it and roll with the occasional sucker punches (no pun intended).
2006-10-18 19:26:39 · answer #6 · answered by Grist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is tough, hide who you really are for semi happiness. i think personaly i would get out and get a job with the skills that i had learned and be free to livce a life where i didn't have to cencer myself on a daily.
2006-10-18 18:38:57 · answer #7 · answered by amanda b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs to ask herself whats more important to her, her career or her love life.
2006-10-18 18:28:36 · answer #8 · answered by What'd You Say? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe there are laws to protect her if she is a lesbian in the military. Why cant she come out?
2006-10-18 18:42:24 · answer #9 · answered by mylife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let her do whatever she thinks is best, dont worry about it or offer your opinion because all it will do is upset your friend, regardless of what you say
2006-10-18 18:26:01 · answer #10 · answered by oldstalecheeks 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋