quotes from specific movies please read details?

Question

I need memorable quotes from these movies please, Im at work and do not have anyother internet access to look

Boondock saints
Trainspotting
Fear and loathing in las vegas
charlie and the chocolat factory

And anything else ou can think of!! Name movie also please, thanks.

Answer 1

Boondock saints

Connor: [picking out weapons and gear] Do ya know what we need, man? Some rope.
Murphy: Absolutely. What are you, insane?
Connor: No I ain't. Charlie Bronson's always got rope.
Murphy: What?
Connor: Yeah. He's got a lot of rope strapped around him in the movies, and they always end up using it.
Murphy: You've lost it, haven't ya?
Connor: No, I'm serious.
Murphy: That's stupid. Name one thing you'd need a rope for.
Connor: You don't ******' know what you're gonna need it for. They just always need it.
Murphy: What's this 'they' ****? This isn't a movie.
Connor: Oh, right.
[picks up large knife out of Murphy's bag]
Connor: Is that right, Rambo?
Murphy: All right. Get your stupid ******' rope.
Connor: I'll get my stupid rope. I'll get it. There's a rope right there.
[the two brothers are in an airshaft and getting a bit uncomfortable]
Murphy: Where the **** are you going?
Connor: Shhh. I ******* hear some **** out here.
Murphy: Ahh, **** you! I'm sweatin' my *** off carrying your ******' rope around. Must weigh thirty pounds...
Connor: Shhh. We are doing some serious **** here, now get a ******* hold of yourself!
Murphy: Oh, ***** you*! I'm not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wannabe that's getting us ******* lost!
Connor: Would you ******* shut it?
[taps him on the head with his flash light, and both brothers start fighting in the air vent until it gives way]
Connor: Jesus ******* Christ!
Murphy: Oh, ****!
[the vents give way]
Monsignor: And I am reminded, on this holy day, of the sad story of Kitty Genovese. As you all may remember, a long time ago, almost thirty years ago, this poor soul cried out for help time and time again, but no person answered her calls. Though many saw, no one so much as called the police. They all just watched as Kitty was being stabbed to death in broad daylight. They watched as her assailant walked away. Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men.
Connor: [as the brothers exit the church] I do believe the monsignor's finally got the point.
Murphy: Aye.
Doc: You know what they say: People in glass houses sink sh... sh... sh... ships.
Rocco: I got to buy you a proverb book or something, because this mix 'n' match ****'s got to go.
Doc: What?
Connor: Well, a penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it?
Murphy: And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.
[a Russian gangster comes into the bar]
Murphy: So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team.
Paul Smecker: [Agent Smecker walks up to the first crime scene, where Chekov and his partner lay dead] Brilliant. So now we got a huge guy theory, and a serial crusher theory. Top notch. What's your name?
Detective Greenly: Detective Greenly. Who the **** are you?
Paul Smecker: [opens his coat and shows his FBI credentials] That's who the **** I am.
[after Smecker proves the Boston detectives wrong]
Paul Smecker: We'll start the ***-kissing with you.
Paul Smecker: [Enters the police station, packed with cops] First of all, I'd like to thank whichever one of you donut-munching, barrel-assed, pud-pulling sissies leaked this to the press. That's all we need now: some sensational story in the papers making these guys out to be superheroes, triumphing over evil. Let me squash the rumors right now: These two are not heroes. They're just two ordinary men who were put in an extraordinary situation and just happened to come out on top. Yes, nothing from our far-reaching computer system has turned up diddly on these two. All we know is what we found out from the neighbors, and the general consensus is, they're angels. But angels don't kill. And we have two bodies in the morgue that look like they've been "serial-crushed by some huge friggin' guy".
Il Duce: And whosoever shed man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed, for in the image of God made He man.
Connor: Now you will receive us.
Murphy: We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.
Connor: We do not want your tired and sick.
Murphy: It is your corrupt we claim.
Connor: It is your evil that will be sought by us.
Murphy: With every breath, we shall hunt them down.
Connor: Each day we will spill their blood, 'til it rains down from the skies.
Murphy: Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
Connor: These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
Murphy: There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain.
Connor: For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it.
Murphy: And we will send you to whatever god you wish.
Yakavetta: I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.
Rocco: Uh, OK. There's these three guys walking on the beach, a ****, a white guy, and a black guy.
Yakavetta: ******.
Rocco: Yeah, right. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy...
Vincenzo Lipazzi: ******.
Rocco: Yeah, right, he says to the ****** "What do you want?" and the ****** says, "I want all my ****** brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa. So... I'm not funny today, really, this joke sucks, I know...
Yakavetta: Continue the joke.
Rocco: Uh, so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and ******* are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."
Paul Smecker: You know, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.
[after dropping through the ceiling on a rope and killing nine mobsters]
Connor: Well, "Name one thing you're gonna need this stupid ******* rope for."
Murphy: That was way easier than I thought it would be.
Connor: Aye.
Murphy: On TV you always have that guy that jumps over the sofa...
Connor: And then you've got to shoot at him for ten ******* minutes.
Murphy: We're good.
Connor: Yes, we are.
Rocco: They can suck my pathetic little dick, and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so those fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it.
Rocco: I killed your cat, you druggie *****.
Donna: What? Why?
Rocco: I thought it would bring closure to our relationship.
[after Rocco shoots three men in a coffee shop]
Murphy: Kind of liberating, isn't it?
Rocco: You know, it is a bit.
Connor: We haven't really got a system of deciding who, Roc. It's just...
Rocco: Me! *Me*! I'm the guy! I know everyone! Their habits, who they hang out with, who they talk to! I've got phone numbers, addresses! I know who they're *******! I know where they *live*! We could kill *everyone.*
Murphy: So what do you think?
Connor: I'm strangely comfortable with it.
Paul Smecker: Oh, isn't that wonderful? All the lowlifes in quiet city Boston are dropping dead and *you* think it's unrelated! Greenly, the day I want the Boston Police to do my thinking for me, I will have a ******* tag on my toe!
Yakavetta: He's happy now, just killing us one by one. And worse, he's good at it.
[Yakavetta wants to call in Il Duce]
Augustus DiStephano: Your father and I used him three times in twenty years, only when things got totally ******. Whenever we needed one of our own bumped off, we called this guy in. He had a thing for clipping wiseguys, but only one rule: No women, no kids. Believe me, kid, you don't want this guy unless you are one hundred percent sure you need him. He's a ******* monster.
[the brothers discover a briefcase of money with the roomful of Russian mobsters they've just wiped out]
Connor: **** me!
Murphy: Whoa. The hits just keep on coming!
[whacks Connor in the face with a wad of cash]
Connor: Ow! Give it a smell!
Murphy: I love our new job.
Rocco: [shouts] **** it! There's so much **** that pisses me off! You guys should recruit, because I'm sick and ******* tired of walking down the street, waiting for one of these crack-piping, ***-wiping, motherless lowlifes to get me!
Murphy: Hallelujah, Jaffar.
Rocco: Wait, so you're not just talking about mob guys, right? You're talking about pimps and drug dealers and all that ****, right?
Connor: Oh, yeah.
Rocco: ****. You guys could do this every goddamn day!
Murphy: We're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open.
Connor: That is nicely put.
[the McManus brothers are delivering the family prayer to Rocco, who has just been killed by Yakavetta]
Connor, Murphy: And shepherds we shall be, for Thee, my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand...
[they hear the click of guns behind them and they whip around with guns drawn to come face to face with Il Duce]
Il Duce: ...that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command. So we shall flow a river forth unto Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be, In Nomine Patris, Et Filii, Et Spiritus Sancti.
Rocco: I'll catch you on the flip side.
Rocco: This guy takes out a whole family... wife, kids, everybody... like he's ordering ******* pizza.
Paul Smecker: So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns, and he was a senior frigging citizen?
Murphy: There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption, into our domain.
Murphy: Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
Connor: How far are we going to take this, Da?
Il Duce: The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as is needed?
Connor: It's the real deal, Roc. Evil men, dead men.
[after Rocco fondles an unconscious stripper's breast]
Connor: What the **** are you doing?
Rocco: ...I'll tip her.
Murphy: We're sorta like 7-11. We're not always doin' business, but we're always open.
Connor: That was nicely put.
Yakavetta: The 90's are killing me. I shouldn't have done that. You're not supposed to tell a guy you're gonna kill him no more. I got to tiptoe through the tulips with these assholes. Taking all the fun out of the job.
Il Duce: Never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The Three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God.
[after Rocco gets his finger shot off]
Rocco: Feels like it's still there.
Connor: Yeah, well it's not.
[Connor and Murphy always pray over their victims]
Connor, Murphy: And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command, we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patris, et filii...
[they cock their guns]
Connor, Murphy: ...et spiritus sancti.
[blam]
Paul Smecker: Television. Television is the explanation for this - you see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond **** never happens in real life! Professionals don't do that!
Doc: Why don't you make like a tree, and get the **** outta here?
Rocco: Shut your fat ***, Rayvie! I can't buy a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you've ******!
Paul Smecker: So Duffy, have any theories to go with that tie?
Connor: Jesus. He brought a six-shooter.
Murphy: There's nine bodies, genius.
Connor: What the **** were you going to do, laugh the last three to death, Funny-Man?
Rocco: Anybody *you* think is evil?
Connor: Aye.
Rocco: Don't you think that's a little weird, a little psycho?
Connor: You know what I think is psycho, Roc? It's decent men with loving families. They come home every day after work and they turn on the news. You know what they see? They see rapists, and murderers and child molesters. They're all getting out of prison.
Murphy: Mafiosos. Getting caught with twenty kilos. Getting out on bail the same ******* day.
Connor: And everywhere, everyone thinks the same thing: that someone should just go kill those motherfuckers.
Murphy: Kill 'em all. Admit it. Even you've thought about it.
Rocco: You guys should be in every major city. This is some heavy ****. This is, like, Lone Ranger heavy, man.
Paul Smecker: They exited out the front door. They had no idea what they were in for. Now they're staring at six men with guns drawn. It was a ******* ambush.
[the McManus brothers and Rocco exit the house and come face to face with Il Duce, one man with six guns]
Paul Smecker: This was a ******* bomb dropping on Beaver Cleaverville. For a few seconds, this place was Armageddon!
[shouts]
Paul Smecker: There was a firefight!
Rocco: *******... What the ****. Who the **** ****** this *******... How did you two ******* *****...
[shouts]
Rocco: ****!
Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.
Connor: [during job training for Rosengurtie Baumgartener, an avid feminist] The rule of thumb here is...
Rosengurtie: Wait, rule of thumb? In the early 1900s it was legal for men to beat their wives, as long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb.
Connor: Well, can't do much damage with that then, can we? Perhaps it should have been a rule of wrist?
The Priest: Would they ever harm an innocent person for any reason?
[of Rocco, who's holding him at gunpoint]
Paul Smecker: No, they would never do that.
Paul Smecker: Well, the two Irish guys wouldn't, the Italian guy, he might, he's kind of an idiot.
Paul Smecker: Good shooting, shitty shooting.
[while drunk in the confession booth]
Paul Smecker: I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these *********** to slip through.
[after Rocco enters the bar]
Rocco: Hey ****-***, gimme a beer.
Paul Smecker: Just pour the drink, you fairy ****.
Detective Dolly: So what's the symbology there?
Paul Smecker: Well, now that Duffy has relinquished his "King Bonehead" crown I see we have an heir to the throne! I believe the word you were looking for is "symbolism." What is the ssss-himbolism.
Paul Smecker: [after Smecker gets a phone call in bed with his gay lover and slaps him]
Paul Smecker: What are you doing?
Hojo: I just wanted to cuddle.
Paul Smecker: Cuddle? What a fag.
Connor: Destroy all that which is evil.
Murphy: So that which is good may flourish.
[after Rocco accidentally turns a cat into a splatter on the wall]
Murphy: I can't believe that just ******* happened!
Rocco: Is it dead?
Detective Dolly: [sarcastically] So, what's the symbology of all this?
Paul Smecker: "Symbology"? Well, now that Duffy's relinquished his King Bonehead crown, I see we have a new heir to the throne. The word I believe you're looking for is "symbolism".
[when his stuttering gets out of control]
Doc: [shouts] ****. ***.
Detective Greenly: These guys are miles away by now, but if you want to beat your head against a wall, then here's what you're looking for: they're scared, like two little bunny rabbits. Anything in a uniform or flashing blue lights is gonna spook 'em, OK? So the only thing we can do is put a potato on a string and drag it through South Boston, "Thanks for coming out!"
[Murphy and Connor walk into the station and Smecker sees them]
Murphy: You'd probably have better luck with a beer.
Connor: Aye, you would.
Detective Greenly: ****.
Paul Smecker: Hey, Greenly. Onion bagel, cream cheese.
Paul Smecker: [walking through the hotel room] How many bodies, Greenly?
Detective Greenly: Eight.
[Smecker gives him a look]
Detective Greenly: Ah, ****! I forgot about that one! Nine! Nine?
Paul Smecker: While Greenly's out gettin' coffee, anybody else want anything?
Detective Greenly: ****.
Detective Greenly: [giving his theory about the two dead Russians in the alley] Then he hits the guy with the bandages in the head. Why? Because he's smart, He knows the guy with the bandages around his *** is goin' nowhere. He's goin' ******' nowhere.
Detective Greenly: [to dead body at investigation scene] Where you goin'? Nowhere!
Connor: Now Roc... are you sure that you're obee-kaybee?
[after being pulled into a hotel suite with nine dead Russian mobsters that the MacManus brothers just killed. To the masked, unrecognizable MacManus brothers]
Rocco: Boy, you guys sure did a good job. Ah ****, you guys are good huh? Cool masks. Where'd you get 'em?
[to a trio of Russian mobsters threatening them in an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day]
Rocco: Hey, Boris... what would you do... if I told you... your pinko Commie mother sucked so much dick, her face looks like an egg?
[Checkov hauls off and decks Rocco, laying him out on the bar room floor]
Detective Duffy: This was their target, the fag-man.
Paul Smecker: The what-man?
[awkward pause]
Detective Duffy: The fat man.
Paul Smecker: Well, well. Freud was right.
[to a woman in the court room before they kill Yakavetta]
Il Duce: You must watch, dear. It'll all be over soon.
[after Rocco accidently kills his girlfriend's cat]
Connor: Donna's gonna be angry about her cat.
Rocco: ****, she's on every drug known to man. She'd have sold the thing for a dime-bag. Screw her.
[laughs]
Rocco: I do kinda feel like an asshole, though.
Connor: Yeah, Roc, you sound real remorseful there.
[Rocco has killed Donna's cat]
Donna: You killed my... my...
Rocco: [putting a gun to his head] Your what? I'll shoot myself in the head if you can tell me that ******* cat's name! Your what? Your precious, little...
Donna: Skippy! Skippy!
Rocco: Aw, Jesus! What color was it, *****?
Detective Greenly: What if it was one guy with six guns?
Paul Smecker: Why don't you let me do the thinking, huh, genius?
Detective Greenly: I ain't getting him no ******* bagel.
Paul Smecker: Why don't you get me a cup of coffee?
Detective Greenly: Who the hell is this...?
Paul Smecker: Cafe latte.
Detective Greenly: What the ****...?
Paul Smecker: Twist of lemon.
Detective Greenly: Chief, what the **** is this?
Paul Smecker: Sweet'N Low.
Murphy: Yeah, it's St. Patty's Day, everyone's Irish tonight. Why don't you just pull up a stool and have a drink with us?
Rocco: Wyatt-******-Earp!
Il Duce: When I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold on judgment, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who haze me. Oh, Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints.
Paul Smecker: Looks like we've got ourselves a cowboy.
Yakavetta: You insignifi-****, little ****!
[first lines]
Mackiepenny: Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, now and forever. Amen.
[last lines]
Man in the street: I'm ready to
[beep]
Man in the street: my
[beep]
Man in the street: on. OK? I'm ready to get busy too. You know, I'm ready to get *busy*.
Rocco: That was real funny. That was REAL ******* FUNNY WASN'T IT? HUH?
Bartender: Not me not me!
Rocco: [shoots the "fat ****" bartender" emptying his revolver] It was FUNNY! FUNNY FUNNY! FUNNY!
[gun clicks empty]
[after discovering sickos in the booths at a strip club]
Connor: It's like a scumbag yard sale.
Murphy: We should come down here once a week and clean house.
Detective Greenly: Tooralooraloora!
Ivan Checkov: [Checkov has handcuffed Connor to the toilet] You know why I ******* come here? I come here to kill you. But now, I no think I ******* kill you. I kill your brother. Shoot him in the head.
Connor: **** you!
Ivan Checkov: Gotta go.
Connor: Murph!
Murphy: Connor!
Murphy: [to the Russians leading him away to be shot] It was just a ******* bar fight! You guys are ******* *******!
Murphy: [at the police station] Is there any way that we could stay here?
Officer Chaffey: Uh, yeah, we have an extra holding cell, you guys could... Can they stay?
Paul Smecker: [sheepish grin] Well, we'll have to check with your mom... But it's okay with me if your friends sleep over.
[about the scene of the two dead Russian mobsters]
Detective Dolly: Nobody reported any gunshots.
Paul Smecker: This is an Irish neighborhood. I'm surprised you even got a phone call.
Murphy: Hey, look.
Rocco: [his mask is badly put on] What?
Connor: You look like Mush-mouth from Fat Albert
[laughing]
Rocco: What? You guys got masks.
[takes mask off]
Rocco: **** it. When this is over the ***** can ID me.
Connor: No, no, put it on. You look good, you look ******' scary.
Connor: [laughing] Now Roc, are you sure you're going to be obie-kay-bee?
Rocco: Wyatt-****'n-Earp
Il Duce: I shall count the sheep among my favored sheep and shall you the protection of all the angels in heaven.

Trainspotting
Begbie: Did you bring the cards?
Sick Boy: What?
Begbie: The cards, the last thing I told you was to mind the cards!
Sick Boy: Well, I've not brought them.
Begbie: It's ******* boring after a while without the cards.
Sick Boy: I'm sorry.
Begbie: Bit ******* late, like.
Sick Boy: Why didn't *you* bring them?
Begbie: 'CAUSE I ******* TOLD YOU TO BRING THEM, YOU DOSS ****!
Sick Boy: ...Christ.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Swanney taught us to adore and respect the national health service. For it was the source of much of our gear. We stole drugs. We stole prescriptions or bought them, sold them, swapped them, forged them, photocopied them. Or traded drugs with cancer victims, alcoholics, old-age pensioners, AIDS patients, epileptics, and bored housewives.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Thank you, your honor. With God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: We would have injected vitamin C if only they had made it illegal!
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] I wished that I'd gone down instead of Spud. Here I was surrounded by my family and my so-called mates and I've never felt so alone. Never in all my puff. Since I was on remand, they've had me on this program, this state sponsored addiction. Three sickly sweet doses of methadone a day instead of smack. But it's never enough. And at the moment it's nowhere near enough. I took all three this morning and now I've got eighteen hours to go until my next shot. I've got sweat on my back like a layer of frost. I need to visit the Mother Superior for one hit. One final hit to get us over this long, hard day.
[to Mother Superior]
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What's on the menu this evening, Sir?
Mother Superior: Your favorite dish.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Excellent.
Mother Superior: Your usual table, Sir.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Oh, why thank you.
Mother Superior: Would Sir care to pay for his bill in advance?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: No. Stick it on my tab.
Mother Superior: Ah, regret to inform, sir, credit limit was reached and breached quite some time ago.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Oh, well in that case...
[hands him some cash]
Mother Superior: Ah, hard currency! Thank you, Sir! Can't be too careful these days! Would Sir care for a starter of some garlic bread perhaps?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: No, thank you. I will proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please.
Allison: That beats any meat injection. That beats any ******* cock in the world.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Brilliant gold taps, virginal white marble, a seat carved from ebony, a cistern full of chanel number five, and a flunky handing me pieces of raw silk toilet roll. But under the circumstances I'll settle for anywhere.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: In a thousand years, there will be no men and women, just wankers, and that's fine by me.
Sick Boy: Say something Mark.
[shouting]
Sick Boy: ******* say something, huh?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: I'm cooking up.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Never again, Swanney. I'm off the scag.
Swanney: Are you serious?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Yeah, no more. I'm finished with that shite.
Swanney: Well, it's up to you, man.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Gonna get it right this time. Gonna get it sorted out. Gonna get off it for good.
Swanney: I've heard that one before.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: The Sick Boy method?
Swanney: Well, it nearly worked for him, hey.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, he's always been lacking in moral fiber.
Swanney: He knows a lot about Sean Connery.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: That's hardly a substitute.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: We called him Mother Superior on account of the length of his habit.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: The downside of coming off junk was I knew I would need to mix with my friends again in a state of full consciousness. It was awful. They reminded me so much of myself, I could hardly bear to look at them.
[first lines]
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ******* big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of ******* fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the **** you are on Sunday night. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing ******* junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ****** up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Phew! I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978!
1st Interviewer: Mr. Murphy, do you mean that you lied on your application?
Spud: No! Uh. Yes. Only to get my foot in the door. Showing initiative and that like.
1st Interviewer: But you were referred here by the department of employment, there was no need for you to get your "foot in the door," as you put it.
Spud: Ehhh... cool. Whatever you say, I'm sorry. You're the man. The dude in the chair.
2nd Interviewer: Mr. Murphy, what attracts you to the leisure industry?
Spud: In a word: pleasure. It's like, my pleasure in other people's leisure.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Relinquishing junk. Stage one, preparation. For this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music. Tomato soup, ten tins of. Mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold. Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of. Magnesia, milk of, one bottle. Paracetamol, mouthwash, vitamins. Mineral water, Lucozade, pornography. One mattress. One bucket for urine, one for feces and one for vomitus. One television and one bottle of Valium. Which I've already procured from my mother. Who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way also a drug addict. And now I'm ready. All I need is one final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Excuse me, excuse me. I don't mean to harass you, but I was very impressed with the capable and stylish manner in which you dealt with that situation. And I was thinking to myself, now this girl's special.
Diane: Thanks.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What's your name?
Diane: Diane.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: And where are you going, Diane?
Diane: I'm going home.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, where's that?
Diane: It's where I live.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Great.
Diane: What?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, I'll come back with you if you like, but like, I'm not promising anything, you know.
Diane: Do you find that this approach usually works? Or let me guess, you've never tried it before. In fact, you don't normally approach girls - am I right? The truth is that you're a quiet sensitive type but, if I'm prepared to take a chance, I might just get to know the inner you: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal. Taxi! A little bit crazy, a little bit bad. But hey - don't us girls just love that?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Eh?
Diane: Well, what's wrong boy - cat got your tongue?
[last lines]
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Now I've justified this to myself in all sorts of ways. It wasn't a big deal, just a minor betrayal. Or we'd outgrown each other, you know, that sort of thing. But let's face it, I ripped them off - my so called mates. But Begbie, I couldn't give a **** about him. And Sick Boy, well he'd done the same to me, if he'd only thought of it first. And Spud, well okay, I felt sorry for Spud - he never hurt anybody. So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the ******* big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that **** which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not ******* stupid. At least, we're not that ******* stupid.
Tommy: Very, absolutely ******* radge. "It's me, or Iggy Pop", she says.
Spud: So what're you gonna do?
Tommy: Well I paid for the tickets!
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
Tommy: Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the ******* Earth! The most wretched miserable servile pathetic trash that was ever shat on civilization. Some people hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to get colonized by. We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any ******* difference!
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: This was to be my final hit, but let's be clear about this. There's final hits and final hits. What kind was this to be?
Francis (Franco) Begbie: That lassie got glassed, and no **** leaves here till we find out what **** did it.
Man: [shouts] Who the **** are you?
Francis (Franco) Begbie: Yesss!
[kicks him in the crotch]
Sick Boy: Personality, I mean that's what counts, right? Personality, I mean that's what keeps a relationship going through the years. Like heroin. I mean, heroin's got great ******* personality.
Sick Boy: Personality, I mean that's what counts, right? That's what keeps a relationship going through the years. Like heroin, I mean heroin's got a great ******* personality.
Sick Boy: [Sean Connery accent] Do you shee the beasht? Have you got it in your shights?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [aiming the pellet gun at a dog] Clear enough, Missh Moneypenny! This should preshent no shignificant problemsh!
[shoots the dog which starts attacking its owner]
Sick Boy: For a vegetarian, Rents, you're a ******' EVIL shot!
Tommy: How's it going with Gail?
Spud: No joy yet.
Tommy: How long is it?
Spud: Six weeks.
Tommy: Six weeks!
Spud: It's a nightmare. She told me she didn't want our relationship to start on a physical basis as that is how it would be principally defined from then on in.
Tommy: Where did she come up with that?
Spud: She read it in Cosmopolitan.
Tommy: Six weeks and no sex?
Spud: I've got balls like watermelons, I'm telling you.
[in ladies' room]
Gail: I read it in Cosmopolitan.
Lizzie: It's an interesting theory.
Gail: Actually it's a nightmare. I've been desperate for a shag but watching him suffer was just too much fun!
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] This was typical of Mikey Forrester.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What the **** are these?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] In the normal run of things, I would have nothing to do with the ****. But this was not the normal run of things.
Mikey Forrester: Opium suppositories. Ideal for your purposes. Slow release. Bring you down gradual. Custom ******* designed for your needs.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: I want a ******* hit!
Mikey Forrester: That's all I've got, matey, take it or leave it.
[Renton considers this and eventually takes the Opium suppositories and inserts them]
Mikey Forrester: Aye, you feel better the now right?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Oh, yeah, for all the good they've done me, I might as well have stuck them up my ****!
Francis (Franco) Begbie: It was ******' obvious that that **** was gonnae **** some ****.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Heroin had robbed Renton of his sex drive, but now it returned with a vengeance. And as the impotence of those days faded into memory, grim desperation took hold of his sex-crazed mind. His post-junk libido, fuelled by alcohol and amphetamine, taunted him remorselessly with his own unsatisfied desire.
Begbie: Armed robbery. With a replica. I mean, how the **** can it be armed robbery with a ******* replica?
Begbie: You sorry enough for being a fat ******* ****?
Pub Heavy: **** you. If you can't hold a pint you shouldn't be in a pub. **** off.
Begbie: Picture the scene: The other ******' week there, doin' the ******' Volley with Tommy, playing pool. I'm playing like Paul-******'-Newman by the way. Givin' the boy here the tannin' of a lifetime. So it comes to there, during the last shot, the deciding ball of the whole tournament. I'm on the black and he's sittin' in the corner looking all ******' biscuit-arsed. When this hard **** comes in. Obviously ******' fancied himself, like. Starts staring at me. Lookin' at me, right ******' at me, as if to say, "Come ahead, square go." You ken me, I'm not the type of **** that goes looking for ******' bother, like, but at the end of the day I'm the **** with a pool cue and he can get the fat end in his puss any time he ******* wanted like. So I squares up, casual like. What does the hard **** do? Or the so-called hard ****? Shites it. Puts down his drink, turns, and gets the **** out of there. And after that, well, the game was mine.
Sick Boy: It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What do you mean?
Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed...
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Some of his solo stuff's not bad.
Sick Boy: No, it's not bad, but it's not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it's actually just shite.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: So who else?
Sick Boy: Charlie Nicholas, David Niven, Malcolm McLaren, Elvis Presley...
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: OK, OK, so what's the point you're trying to make?
Sick Boy: All I'm trying to do is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What about The Untouchables?
Sick Boy: I don't rate that at all.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Despite the Academy Award?
Sick Boy: That means **** all. The sympathy vote.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Right. So we all get old and then we can't hack it anymore. Is that it?
Sick Boy: Yeah.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: That's your theory?
Sick Boy: Yeah. Beautifully ******* illustrated.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Living like this is a full-time business.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: It seems, however, I really am the luckiest guy in the world. Several years of addiction right in the middle of an epidemic, surrounded by the living dead. But not me. I'm negative. It's official. And once the pain goes away, that's when the real battle starts. Depression, boredom... You feel so ******* low, you want to ******* top yourself.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] Heroin makes you constipated. The heroin from my last hit was fading, and the suppositories had yet to melt.
[moans loudly, doubles over]
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: I'm no longer constipated.
Diane: [Mark has spent the previous night having sex with Diane only to realize she was an underage schoolgirl] Well, what's the matter, Mark?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: It's you that's what's wrong!
Diane: Well at least us hold hands.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: No, we're not holding hands!
Diane: No? But you seemed a lot more happy to do more last night. There's nothing wrong with it.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Its illegal that's what's wrong with it! You know what they do to people like me in prison? They cut your balls off and flush them down the toilet.
Diane: Relax, you're not going to prison.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: That's very easy for you to say Diane!
Diane: Well, are you going to see me again?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: No, Diane!
Diane: If you don't see me again, I'll tell the police.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [turns around and stares at Diane blankly]
Diane: All right, I'll see you around then.
Tommy: Useless ************, that's what she called me. I told her, I'm sorry, but these things happen. Let's put it behind us.
Spud: That's fair enough.
Tommy: Yes, but then she finds out I've bought a ticket for Iggy Pop the same night.
Spud: Went ballistic?
Tommy: Big time. Absolutely ******* radge. 'It's me or Iggy Pop, time to decide.'
Spud: So what's it going to be?
Tommy: Well, I've paid for the ticket.

Fear and Loathing
Raoul Duke: You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.
[Watching Dr. Gonzo leave]
Raoul Duke: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Raoul Duke: [commenting on the song "One Toke Over the Line" playing on the radio] One toke? You poor fool! Wait till you see those goddamn bats.
Dr. Gonzo: You drive. You drive. I think there's something wrong with me.
Raoul Duke: You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
Dr. Gonzo: I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the fear.
Raoul Duke: Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era - -the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.
Raoul Duke: There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning.
Raoul Duke: And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - -on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - -the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
Raoul Duke: With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.
[at a bizarre circus-themed casino]
Raoul Duke: Bazooko's Circus is what the world would be doing every Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.
Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women ******* a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.
Dr. Gonzo: Hello? Hi Lucy, God bless. Yeah it's me. What? I dont know, I taught that bastard a lesson he'll never forget. What? No, not dead. But he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah, I left him out there. I stomped him. I pulled all his teeth out. But we have a problem. That bastard cashed a bad cheque downstairs and gave you as a reference. They'll be looking for both of you. Yeah I know. You can't judge a book by it's cover... some people are just basically rotten. Well the last thing in the world you want to do is call this hotel again. They'll trace the call and put you straight behind bars. Yeah I'm moving to the tropicana right away... when I get a room I'll let you know which one it is... I gotta get off. They probably have this phone tapped baby... Yeah I know it's horrible but it's all over now.
[stomps foot]
Dr. Gonzo: Oh my god... there's someone at the door. There's someone at the door!
[yelling]
Dr. Gonzo: Ahh! Ahh! I'm innocent! It was Duke! It was Duke!
[inaudible noises]
Dr. Gonzo: Ahh! Ahh! Don't put that thing on me! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
[hangs up]
Dr. Gonzo: Well, that's the last we should be hearing from Lucy man. She's probably stuffing herself down the incinerator right now. You know what we need? We need some opium.
Dr. Gonzo: We know what you're up to man
Dr. Gonzo: Hey honkies. You guys wanna buy some heroin? Goddamnit, I'm serious. I want to sell you some pure ******* smack! This is the real stuff! I just got back from Vietnam. Ahahaha... scag! I wanna sell you some pure ******* smack... Pure... ****...
Man in Car: Goddammit you bastards! Pull over! I'll kill you I'll kill you! Pull over, come on!
Raoul Duke: [Beginning to narrate the "Jefferson Airplane" hallucination] There I was...
[Seeing the actual Hunter S. Thompson sitting in the scene]
Raoul Duke: Mother of God, there I am!
Dr. Gonzo: I have to go.
Raoul Duke: Go?
Dr. Gonzo: Yes. Leave the country. Tonight.
Raoul Duke: Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours.
Dr. Gonzo: No. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I'll kill somebody!
Raoul Duke: If the pigs were gathering in Vegas, I felt the drug culture should be represented as well. And there was a certain bent appeal in the notion of running a savage burn on one Las Vegas hotel, and then just wheeling across town and checking into another. Me and a thousand ranking cops from all over America. Why not? Move confidently into their midst.
Raoul Duke: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?
Raoul Duke: A drug person can learn to handle such things as seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to deal with this trip.
Raoul Duke: Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow.
Clerk at Flamingo Hotel: Can I call you a cab?
Police Chief: [screaming] Sure, and I'll call you a **********!
Raoul Duke: We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:
Raoul Duke: I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.
Raoul Duke: Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full with what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
Raoul Duke: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?
Dr. Gonzo: Did you say something?
Raoul Duke: Hm? Never mind. It's your turn to drive.
Raoul Duke: No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.
Raoul Duke: We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold... And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas...
Clown Barker: Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a ten foot bull dyke!
Raoul Duke: We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole multi colored collection of uppers, downers, laughers, screamers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
Dr. Gonzo: Let's give the boy a lift.
Raoul Duke: What? No. We can't stop here. This is bat country.
Hitchhiker: Hot damn. I never rode in a convertible before.
Raoul Duke: Is that right? Well... I guess you're about ready, then, aren't you?
Dr. Gonzo: We're your friends. We're not like the others, man, really.
Raoul Duke: No more of that talk or I'll put the ******* leeches on you, understand?
Dr. Gonzo: Heh heh heh...
Raoul Duke: [as the Hitchhiker stares at them nervously] Get in.
Raoul Duke: How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?
Dr. Gonzo: It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull.
Raoul Duke: Perhaps, if I explained things, he'd rest easy.
Raoul Duke: I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But that doesn't matter, though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
Hitchhiker: Hell no.
Raoul Duke: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is very valuable to me. Oh, ****. I forgot about the beer. You want one?
Hitchhiker: No.
Raoul Duke: How 'bout some ether?
Hitchhiker: What?
Raoul Duke: Never mind.
Raoul Duke: Let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?
Raoul Duke: You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
Raoul Duke: Soon we would both be completely twisted. But there was no going back - We would have to ride it out.
Raoul Duke: Those of us that had been up all night were in no mood for coffee and donuts, we wanted strong drink. We were, after all, the absolute cream of the national sporting press.
Dr. Gonzo: As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown flask in my shaving kit.
Voice of Drug Film Narrator: Know your dope fiend. You will not be able to see his eyes because of tea shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim.
[to clerk at the Mint 400 while on acid]
Raoul Duke: My name... is, uh, Raoul Duke. I'm on the list, that's for sure. I have my attorney with me and I realize of course that his name is not on that list, but we must have that suite! You see, this man is actually my driver. Just check the list and you'll see. What's the score here? What's next?
Raoul Duke: Our vibrations were getting nasty. But why? I was puzzled, frustrated. Was there no communication in this car? Had we deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts?
Raoul Duke: Don't **** with me now, man, I am Ahab.
Raoul Duke: I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid, wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife.
Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead.
Raoul Duke: Panic. It crept up my spine like first rising vibes of an acid frenzy. There I was. Alone in Las Vegas, completely twisted on drugs, no cash, no story for the magazine, and on top of everything else, a gigantic god damned hotel bill to deal with. How would Horatio Alger handle this situation?
Raoul Duke: [passing the real Hunter S. Thompson as an extra at the Jefferson Airplane party] There I was... Mother of God, there I am!
Raoul Duke: There's a uh, big machine in the sky, some kind of, I dunno, electric snake, coming straight at us.
Dr. Gonzo: Shoot it.
Raoul Duke: Not yet, I want to study its habits.
Raoul Duke: Well? What are your plans?
Dr. Gonzo: Plans?
Raoul Duke: The child in the bedroom.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane. Yeah, she's a religious freak. I gave her a cap before I realized... Jesus, she's never even had a drink before.
Raoul Duke: Well... It'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her *** at the drug convention. Yeah. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang **** her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these pigs loose on her. Hell, she's strong, man; she'll hold her own.
Dr. Gonzo: Jesus Christ. I knew you were a sick bastard but I never expected to hear you actually say that kind of stuff, you filthy bastard.
Raoul Duke: Straight economics. This girl is a God-send. ****, she can make us a grand a day.
Dr. Gonzo: That's ugly, man. Stop talking like that.
Raoul Duke: I figure she can do about four at a time. If we keep her full of acid that's more like two grand a day. Maybe three.
Dr. Gonzo: Hold on, man. What if I just jump you and beat the dog **** out of you? Would that make you feel better? You filthy bastard.
Raoul Duke: Alright listen to men. In a few hours, she'll probably be sane enough to work herself into a towering Jesus-based rage at the hazy recollection of being seduced by some kind of cruel Samoan who fed her liquor and LSD, dragged her to a Vegas hotel room and then savagely penetrated every orifice in her body with his throbbing, uncircumcised member.
Dr. Gonzo: That's so ugly, man!
Raoul Duke: ****. Truth hurts.
Dr. Gonzo: That's, argh! Argh! That's argh! Argh! That's argh!
Raoul Duke: Well, you'll go straight to the gas chamber for this one. And even if you manage to beat that, they'll send you back to Nevada for rape and consensual sodomy. She's got to go.
Dr. Gonzo: ****. It doesn't pay to help someone these days.
Dr. Gonzo: Lucy, is an artist. Lucy paints pictures of Barbara Streisand.
Raoul Duke: Don't take any guff from these ******* swine.
Raoul Duke: But our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit.
[to hitchhiker]
Raoul Duke: And we are chock full of that, man.
Raoul Duke: Last name? I'd rather not say. My brother's in politics.
[Raoul is imagining himself in court]
Lucy: Those two men in the dock they gave me the LSD and they took me to the hotel. I don't know what they done to me, but I remember it was horrible.
[Duke Groans]
Judge: They gave you what?
Lucy: L.S.D.
Judge: Castration! Double castration!
Raoul Duke: ****, you've gone completely sideways, man.
Raoul Duke: What kind of rat bastard psychotic would play that song right now, at this moment?
Raoul Duke: [to Acosta] PLEASE. Tell me you got the ******* golf shoes.
Raoul Duke: Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.
Raoul Duke: Our vibrations were getting nasty. But why? Was there no communication in this car? Had we deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts?
Dr. Gonzo: Sounds like big trouble. You're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special messages. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of L.A. for at least 48 hours.
Dr. Gonzo: Are you ready for that? Checking into a Las Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud on a head full of acid? I sure hope so.
Raoul Duke: What was I doing here? What was the meaning of this trip? Was I just roaming around in a drug frenzy of some kind? Or had I really come out here to Las Vegas to work on a story? Who are these people, these faces? Where do they come from? They look like caricatures of used car dealers from Dallas, and sweet Jesus, there were a hell of a lot of them at 4:30 on a Sunday morning, still humping the American dream, that vision of the big winner somehow emerging from the last minute pre-dawn chaos of a stale Vegas casino.
Raoul Duke: Who are these people? These faces? Where did they come from? They look like caricatures of used car dealers from Dallas, and sweet Jesus, there are a hell of a lot of them at 4:30 on a Sunday morning. Still humping the American dream.
Raoul Duke: I was right in the middle of a ******* reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things. Won't be long now before they tear us to shreds.
Dr. Gonzo: Music. Turn it up. Put that tape on.
Raoul Duke: What tape?
Dr. Gonzo: Jefferson Airplane, "White Rabbit". I want a rising sound.
Raoul Duke: You're doomed. I'm leaving here in two hours and then they're going to come up here and beat the mortal **** out of you with big saps. Right there in that tub.
Dr. Gonzo: I dig my own graves. Green water and the White Rabbit. Put it on.
Raoul Duke: OK. But do me one last favor, will you. Can you give me two hours? That's all I ask - just two hours to sleep before tomorrow. I suspect it's going to be a very difficult day.
Raoul Duke: The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Raoul Duke: Jesus, bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing - intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out. The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes. Flee.
Parking Attendant: You can't park your car here.
Raoul Duke: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Parking Attendant: Reasonable? You're on the a sidewalk.
Dr. Gonzo: Cows are gonna kill me. Bisexuals are gonna kill me. Let's get out of here. Where's the elevator?
Dr. Gonzo: Cows are gonna kill me. Bisexuals are gonna kill me. Let's get out of here, where's the elevator?
Raoul Duke: No, ****! Don't go near the elevator man, that's just what they want us to do. Trap us in a steel box, take us down to the basement. Come here. Don't run, man. They'd like any excuse to shoot us.
Dr. Gonzo: I wanna leave fast.
Raoul Duke: Okay, let's pay this bill, get up very slowly... I think it's gonna be a long walk.
Raoul Duke: [after pulling his car up onto the sidewalk] Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Raoul Duke: We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
Raoul Duke: Dogs ****** the Pope... no fault of mine.
[on acid while brandishing knife]
Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about carving you up, man? I just wanted to carve a Z into your forehead.
Raoul Duke: We're going to be killed for ****'s sake.
Raoul Duke: That bastard isn't gonna get away with this. I mean, what is going on in this country when a scumsucker like that can get away with sandbagging a doctor of journalism?
Raoul Duke: **** 'im... I'm gonna miss 'im.
Raoul Duke: In some circles, the Mint 400 is a far far better thing than the superbowl, the Kentucky Derby, and the lower Oakland roller derby finals all rolled into one.
Raoul Duke: You people voted for Hubert Humphrey, and you killed Jesus.
Dr. Gonzo: I'm gonna tell you, he's lying to us! I could see it in his eyes.
Raoul Duke: Eyes?
Raoul Duke: Quick, like a bunny.
[last lines]
Raoul Duke: What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole lifestyle that he helped create. A generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old mystic fallacy of the acid culture: the desperate assumption that somebody, or at least some force, was tending the light at the end of the tunnel. There was only one road back to L.A. - U.S. Interstate 15. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker and Barstow and Berdoo. Then onto the Hollywood Freeway, and straight on into frantic oblivion. Safety. Obscurity. Just another freak, in the freak kingdom.
Raoul Duke: You're not Portuguese, man!
Raoul Duke: She's doing her masters thesis on... well, Barbra Streisand.
Dr. Gonzo: We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit.
Raoul Duke: Jesus Christ, we will, man. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture.
Raoul Duke: Yeah, I know. I'm guilty. I understand that. I knew it was a crime, and I did it anyways. ****, why argue? I'm a ******* criminal, look at me.
Raoul Duke: [to Carnival Barker] Nothing, I want nothing.
Raoul Duke: [narrating] He said he understood, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't.
[to hitchhiker]
Raoul Duke: He was lying to me!
Raoul Duke: The store was closed, but the salesman said he could wait if we hurry. But we were delayed en route when a stingray in front of us killed a pedestrian.
L. Ron Bumquist: I'm not really sure I can answer that, but what I can say is that if Margaret Mead, at her age, smoked grass... she'd have one hell of a trip!
Raoul Duke: We should get a big handful of that stuff and see what happens.
Dr. Gonzo: Some of what?
Raoul Duke: Extract of pineal.
Dr. Gonzo: ****, that's a good idea. One whiff of that stuff will turn you into something out of a goddamn medical encyclopedia...
[Duke tripping sees Gonzo turn into Satan]
Raoul Duke: Beautiful ******* ****, man!
Dr. Gonzo: Your head will swell up like a watermelon... you'll gain about a hundred pounds in two hours...
Raoul Duke: Great!
Dr. Gonzo: Grow claws... bleeding warts...
Raoul Duke: Yes!
Dr. Gonzo: And then you notice about six huge hairy **** swelling up on your back.
Raoul Duke: Fantastic!
Dr. Gonzo: You'll go blind... your body will turn to wax... they'll have to put you in a wheelbarrow... and when you scream for help, you'll sound like a raccoon.
[returns to normal]
Dr. Gonzo: Man, I'll try just about anything, but I'd never in hell touch a pineal gland.
[at the District Attourney's convention]
Dr. Gonzo: I saw these bastards in Easy Rider, but I didn't believe they were real. Not like this, man, not hundreds of them.
Raoul Duke: They're actually pretty nice people once you get to know them.
Dr. Gonzo: Know them? I know these people in my goddamn blood.
Raoul Duke: Don't say that word around here. You'll get them excited.
Raoul Duke: Wear some golf shoes, otherwise we'll never get out of this place alive. Impossible to walk in this muck.
Dr. Gonzo: Okay, Lucy, its time to go meet Barbara.
Raoul Duke: [voiceover] I felt like a Nazi but it had to be done.
Raoul Duke: Finish the ******* story man! What happened? What about the glands?
Raoul Duke: Take me back to the pits.
Lacerda: No, no no no! We have to go on! We need *total* coverage!
Raoul Duke: [Narrating] It was time, I felt, for an agonizing reappraisal of the whole scene.
Raoul Duke: You're fired!
[Lacerda looks at him like he's joking]
Raoul Duke: Awful jackass.
Dr. Gonzo: He got a hold of my woman man!
Raoul Duke: You mean that blonde groupie with the film crew? ****. Think he sodomized her?
[chuckling]
Dr. Gonzo: That's right, laugh about it.
Raoul Duke: He's gluing her eyes shut right now man.
Dr. Gonzo: You goddamn honkies are all the same...
Dr. Gonzo: [Holding a key] Where did this one come from?
Raoul Duke: That's Lacerda's.
Dr. Gonzo: Yeah, yeah I thought we might need it.
[falls over]
Raoul Duke: What for?
Dr. Gonzo: What for? So we can go up there and blast him out of bed with the firehose, man!
Clerk at Mint Hotel: Mr. Duke! Mr. Duke!
Raoul Duke: Oh ****.
Clerk at Mint Hotel: We've been looking for you.
Raoul Duke: [Narrating] The game was up. They had me.
Raoul Duke: Many fine books have been written in prison.
Clerk at Mint Hotel: Sir?
Raoul Duke: Of course, I could hear what the clerk was really saying.
Clerk at Flamingo Hotel: Listen, you fuzzy little **** head! I've been ****** around in my time by a fairly good cross-section of mean-tempered rule-crazy cops, and now, it's my turn. So **** you officer. I'm in charge.

Charlie
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
Willy Wonka: You can't have your family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
Grandpa George: None taken. Jerk.
Shopkeeper: You found Wonka's last golden ticket!
Willy Wonka: And in that moment I realised; "I must find a... heir/hair".
Willy Wonka: [Getting his shoes shined by Charlie, with a paper in his face] Pity about that chocolate maker- Wedle... um... Walter...
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Yeah, him. Says here that his candies aren't selling. But I guess he's just a rotten egg that deserves it.
Charlie Bucket: Yep.
Willy Wonka: Oh Ever met him?
Charlie Bucket: I did once. He seemed great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice. And he has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: [Throws paper down] I do not!
Charlie Bucket: Why are you here?
Willy Wonka: I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel bad?
Charlie Bucket: My family.
[Wonka groans]
Charlie Bucket: What have you got against my family?
Willy Wonka: It not just your family, its the whole idea of p... p... You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do. It's not conducive to a creative atmosphere.
Charlie Bucket: Most of the time their just trying to protect you.
[Wonka looks away]
Charlie Bucket: If you don't believe me, you should ask.
Willy Wonka: Ask who, my father? Yeah right.
[pause]
Willy Wonka: At least not alone.
Charlie Bucket: Would you like me to go with you?
Willy Wonka: Hey! What a great idea! Yeah!
[stands up]
Willy Wonka: And I've brought transporta-
[crashes into Great Glass Elevator]
Willy Wonka: .
[after he gets up]
Willy Wonka: I really need to watch where I park this thing.
Willy Wonka: You're all quite short, aren't you?
Violet Beauregarde: Well yeah, we're children.
Willy Wonka: Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you
Mike Teavee: You were once.
Willy Wonka: Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
Violet Beauregarde: [after stretching into a pretzel shape] Look mother, I'm much more flexible now.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [disapprovingly] Yes, but you're blue.
Willy Wonka: I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
Mr. Teavee: What do you mean?
Willy Wonka: Well, sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through.
Willy Wonka: If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee: What kind of a question is that?
Willy Wonka: No need to snap, just a question.
Willy Wonka: Ew, somebody grab him.
Mr. Salt: Are you using the Havermax 4000 to do your sorting?
Willy Wonka: No.
[laughs]
Willy Wonka: You're really weird.
Mike Teavee: You really don't understand anything about science do you? First off, Theres a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of force it would take to convert mass into energy would be on the scale of 9 atomic bombs.
Willy Wonka: If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee: What kind of question is that?
Willy Wonka: No need to snap. Just a question.
[last lines]
Narrator: In the end, Charlie Bucket won a chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka had something even better, a family. And one thing was absolutely certain - life had never been sweeter.
Oompa Loompa: Augustus Gloop / Augustus Gloop / The great big greedy Nincompoop / Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, so greedy foul and infantile / Come on, we cry, the time is ripe to send him shooting up the pipe / But don't, dear children be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed / Although of course we must admit, he will be altered quite a bit / Slowly wheels go round and round, and cogs begin to grind and pound / This greedy brute, this louces ear, is loved by people everywhere, for who could hate or bare a grudge against a luscious bit of fudge?
Welcome Puppets: Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier weeeeee / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, everybody give a cheer / He's modest, clever, and so smart, he barely can restrain it / With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it, to contain it, to contain... to contain... to contain... / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the one that you're about to meet / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's a genius who just can't be beat / The magician and the chocolate whiz / The best darn guy who ever lived / Willy Wonka, here he is!
Mike Teavee: Why is everything here completely pointless?
Charlie Bucket: Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.
Willy Wonka: [sorting through a big bunch of keys] There it is. There it isn't.
Willy Wonka: See children? Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable! But that my dear children. is called cannibalism; and that is frowned upon in most societies
Charlie Bucket: But it didn't close forever, it's open right now.
Mrs. Bucket: Ah, well, sometimes when grown ups say forever they mean a very long time.
Grandpa George: Such as I feel as though I've eaten nothing but cabbage soup forever.
Mr. Bucket: Now pops...
Charlie Bucket: But there must be people working there.
Grandma Josephine: Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?
Charlie Bucket: No. The gates are always closed.
Grandpa George: Exactly.
Charlie Bucket: But then, who's running the machines?
Mrs. Bucket: Nobody knows Charlie.
Mr. Bucket: It certainly is a mystery.
Charlie Bucket: Hasn't someone asked Mr Wonka?
Grandpa Joe: No-one sees him any more. He never comes out. The only thing that comes out of that place is the candy. Already packed and addressed. I'd give anything in the world just to go in one more time and see what's become of that amazing factory.
Violet Beauregarde: [hugs Wonka] Mr.Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde.
Willy Wonka: [Wonka looks at her terrified as she chews her gum] I don't care.
Violet Beauregarde: Well, you should care because I'm the girl who's gonna win the special prize at the end.
Willy Wonka: Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key.
Veruca Salt: I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir.
[does a curtsy]
Willy Wonka: I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Ha.
Augustus Gloop: [Augustus steps in front of Veruca] I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate.
Willy Wonka: I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common.
[Wonka stops and turns around to Mike]
Willy Wonka: You, you're Mike Teavee. You're the little devil who cracked the system.
[looks at Charlie]
Willy Wonka: And you, you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?
Mike Teavee: [starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it]
Mr. Teavee: Son, please.
Mike Teavee: Dad, he said, "Enjoy!"
Willy Wonka: Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon.
Oompa Loompa: [Oompa Loompas sing] Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop, a great big greedy nincompoop / Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, so greedy, foul, and infantile...
Charlie Bucket: Are the Oompa Loompas really joking, grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: Of course they're joking. That boy will be fine.
[looks worried]
Grandpa George: The kids who are going to find the golden tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day. Our Charlie only gets one a year. He doesn't have a chance.
Grandma Josephine: Everyone has a chance, Charlie.
Grandpa George: Mark my words. The first kid to find a golden ticket will be fat, fat, fat.
Augustus Gloop: [Augustus appears and cameras flash] I am eating the Wonka bar and I taste something that is not chocolate. Or coconut. Or walnut, or peanut butter, or caramel. Or sprinkles. So I look and I find the golden ticket.
Grandpa George: [the Bucket home sees the TV with Augustus on the screen] Told you he'd be a porker.
Dr. Wonka: Why, I haven't seen bicuspids like these since...
[long pause]
Dr. Wonka: ... Willy?
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, I was having a flashback.
Mr. Salt: I see.
Mr. Teavee: These flashbacks happen often?
Willy Wonka: Increasingly... today.
Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is *eat*able. Even I'm *eat*able. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Mrs. Bucket: Well, nothing goes better with cabbage than cabbage.
Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: Imported. Straight from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: What?
Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and oh what a terrible country it is.
Willy Wonka: This is the puppet hospital and burns center. It's relatively new.
Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I like peanuts.
Willy Wonka: You smell like old people... and soap. I like it.
Willy Wonka: Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!
Mike Teavee: [talking about the one piece of gum] That's it?
Willy Wonka: Do you even know what *it* is?
Mike Teavee: [Great Gum Machine pops out a stick of gum]
[machine dings]
Mike Teavee: You mean that's it?
Willy Wonka: Do you even know what it is?
Violet Beauregarde: It's gum.
Willy Wonka: Yeah! It's a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe.
[out of breath]
Willy Wonka: Know why? Know why? 'Cause this gum is a full three-course dinner all by itself.
[laughs]
Mr. Salt: Why would anyone want that?
Willy Wonka: [flipping through flash cards] It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking. Just a little strip of Wonka's Magic Chewing Gum is all you...
[flips through cards again]
Willy Wonka: ... ever need at breakfast, lunch and dinner. This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and Blueberry Pie.
Grandpa Joe: It sounds great!
Veruca Salt: It sounds weird.
Violet Beauregarde: It sounds like my kind of gum.
Willy Wonka: [referring to Violet getting the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a little...
Violet Beauregarde: I'm the World Record holder of chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
[pops gum into her mouth]
Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it honey?
Violet Beauregarde: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Spit it out!
Grandpa Joe: Young lady, I think you better...
Violet Beauregarde: It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewin' kiddo! My daughter's gonna be the first person in the world with a chewing gum meal!
Willy Wonka: Yeah. I'm just concerned about the...
Violet Beauregarde: Blueberry pie and Ice Cream!
Willy Wonka: That part.
Veruca Salt: [Veruca stares at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
[Violet keeps chewing]
Veruca Salt: [Nose starts turning purple]
Mr. Salt: You're turning blue!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
Violet Beauregarde: [touching nose] What do you mean?
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet... you're turning Violet!
[Violet scared; turns to Wonka]
Mrs. Beauregarde: [concerned] What's happening?
Willy Wonka: Well, I told you I haven't gotten it quite right because it always goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Bluberry Pie that doesn't... I'm terribly sorry!
[Violet turns purple]
Violet Beauregarde: Mother, what's happening to me?
[Violet continues turning purple]
Violet Beauregarde: [Violet starts growing]
Grandpa Joe: She's swelling up!
Charlie Bucket: Like a Blueberry!
[Violet continues to grow]
Willy Wonka: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a Blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a Blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca Salt: You can put her in a county fair!
[Mrs. Beauregarde looks at Veruca viciously]
Veruca Salt: [Willy laughs]
Veruca Salt: Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy Wonka: No .Maybe. I don't know. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.
Mike Teavee: If you hate gum so much, why do you make them?
Willy Wonka: You should stop mumbling, because it's starting to bum me out.
Mr. Salt: [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad nuts go to, to the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go?
Willy Wonka: ...To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on tuesdays.
Mike Teavee: Today IS Tuesday.
Willy Wonka: [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today...
Willy Wonka: Lets keep, truckin'!
Veruca Salt: [approaches to the squirrel] I'll have YOU.
Oompa Loompa: [Oompa Loompas start singing] Listen close, listen hard / The tale of Violet Beauregarde / This dreadful girl she sees no wrong / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / She goes on chewing till at last / Her chewing muscles grow so fast / From her face her giant chin / Sticks out just like a violin / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa/ For years and years she chews away / Her jaws get stronger every day / And with one great tremendous chew / They bite the poor girl's tongue in two / And that is why we try so hard / To save Miss Violet Beauregarde / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./
Blueberry Violet: Mr. Wonka!
[Oompa Loompas stop singing]
Willy Wonka: [to Oompa Loompa] I want you to roll Ms. Beaurgarde to the boat and take her to the Juicing Room at once. 'Kay?
[Oompa Loompa does signature hand lock]
Mrs. Beauregarde: The Juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?
Willy Wonka: They're gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We've gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.
[Mrs. Beauregarde runs up to Blueberry Violet]
Blueberry Violet: Mother, help me. Please!
[Mrs. Beauregarde pushes Blueberry Violet into door]
Willy Wonka: [looks at everyone] Come on... Let's boogie!
Willy Wonka: [bangs into his elevator] I've got to be more careful where I park this thing.
Grandma Georgina: [the glass elevator crashes through Charlie's house] I think someone's at the door!
Mrs. Beauregarde: What do you use Hair Cream for?
Willy Wonka: To lock in moisture.
[primps hair]
Narrator: Indeed, that very night, the impossible had already been set in motion.
Veruca Salt: Daddy! I want a flying glass elevator! Get me a flying glass elevator!
Mr. Salt: The only thing you're going to get today is a bath, and that's final!
Charlie Bucket: [on chocolate river, deep in factory, passing an open door in which Oompa-Loompas are whipping a cow] Whipped cream.
Willy Wonka: Exactly!
Veruca Salt: That doesn't make any sense.
Willy Wonka: For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that.
Willy Wonka: The best kind of prize is a *sur*prise!
Dr. Wonka: All these years, and you haven't flossed.
Willy Wonka: Not once.
Willy Wonka: Let's put him in the taffy puller.
Mr. Teavee: The taffy puller?
Willy Wonka: Hey! That was my idea.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels. I want one.
Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca Salt: All I've got at home is 1 pony and 2 dogs and 4 cats and 6 bunny rabbits and 2 parakeets and 3 canaries and a green parrot and a turtle and a silly old hamster! I want a squirrel!
Grandma Josephine: [watching Violet Beauregarde on TV] What a beastly girl.
Grandma Georgina: Despicable.
Grandpa George: You don't know what we're talking about.
Grandma Georgina: [pause] Dragonflies?
Mike Teavee: A retard could've figured it out.
Mr. Teavee: Half the time, I don't know what he's talking about. I guess... with technology today...
Mike Teavee: [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!
Mr. Teavee: They don't stay kids for very long.
Violet Beauregarde: What's so funny?
Willy Wonka: It must be from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. By the way, did you know that chocolate releases endorphins, which give one the feeling of being in love.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [flirtily] You don't say?
Willy Wonka: Let's keep on truckin'.
[Willy Wonka claps enthusiastically as his special musical showpiece goes up in flames]
Willy Wonka: Ha ha ha, wasn't that just magnificent? I thought it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but that finale... Wow!
Willy Wonka: Fortunately, we have the Great Glass Elevator to
[Runs into elevator and falls]
Willy Wonka: [Getting up] Speed things along.
Willy Wonka: Welcome, children, to my factory and these people behind you must be your par... par... par...
Mr. Salt: Parents?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Moms and dads!
[expression darkens]
Willy Wonka: Dad? Papa?
Dr. Wonka: Lollipops. Ought to be called cavities on a stick!
Willy Wonka: Uh, you really shouldn't mumble, because I can't understand a word you're saying.
Grandpa Joe: [upon being told that the elevator was going to burst through the roof of the factory] But this elevator is made of glass. It will shatter into a million pieces!
Willy Wonka: [giggles]
Grandpa Joe: I used to work at that factory.
Charlie Bucket: You did?
Grandma Josephine: He did.
Grandpa George: He did.
Grandma Georgina: I love grapes.
Dr. Wonka: Do you have an appointment?
Charlie Bucket: No, but he's overdue.
Grandpa George: You don't know what we're talking about.
Grandma Georgina: [after a moment] Dragonflies?
Willy Wonka: It has to be really big, 'cause you know how you can film an ordinary-sized man and he comes out looking this big. Same basic principle.
Mike Teavee: Just put me back in the other way.
Willy Wonka: There is no other way. It's television not telephone, quite a difference.
Mrs. Gloop: Where does that pipe go?
Willy Wonka: That pipe happens to go to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge.
Mrs. Gloop: Then he will be turned into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge? They'll be selling him by the pound all over the world?
Willy Wonka: No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.
Mr. Bucket: Your mum and I thought, maybe you'd like to open your birthday present tonight.
Charlie Bucket: Maybe we should wait until morning.
Grandpa George: Like hell.
Grandpa Joe: All together we're 381 years old. We don't wait.
Charlie Bucket: What do you have against my family?
Willy Wonka: It's not just your family. It's the whole idea of...
[balks]
Willy Wonka: you know, they're always telling you what to do and what not to do and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere.
Willy Wonka: What do you think about little raspberry kites?
Charlie Bucket: With liquorice instead of string?
Mrs. Bucket: Boys, no business at the dinner table.
Charlie Bucket: Sorry, Mum.
Willy Wonka: I think you're onto something there, Charlie.
Willy Wonka: Little boy, don't push my button.
Grandpa George: There's plenty of money out there. They print more of it every day. But that ticket? There are only five of them in the world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?
Augustus Gloop: Don't you want to know our names?
Willy Wonka: I can't see how it would matter.
Willy Wonka: [while passing a room where Oompa Loompa's are shearing pink hair from sheep] I'd rather not talk about this one...
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want another pony.
Mrs. Beauregarde: Eyes on the prize, Violet, eyes on the prize.
Willy Wonka: [after Mike Teavee has been shrunk and sent into a TV] Oh, thank heavens... he's completely unharmed.
Charlie Bucket: [asking about Violet's gum] Why hold onto it? Why not start a new piece?
Violet Beauregarde: Because then I wouldn't be a champion. I'd be a loser. Like you.
Willy Wonka: [to Mike Teavee] Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a word you're saying!
Willy Wonka: Mumbler!
Mr. Salt: [after the Oompa Loompas sing and dance] I must say, that all seemed rather rehearsed.
Mr. Salt: [passing the nut sorting room] Ah, here's a room I know all about. You see, I myself am in the nut business.
[hands Willy Wonka his business card, and Willy flings it away without looking at it]
Willy Wonka: [explaining that Mike Teavee will have to be brought to the Taffy Puller Room] Boy, is he gonna be skinny.
Veruca Salt: [outside the Chocolate Factory] Daddy, I want to go in.
Mr. Salt: It's 9:59, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: Make time go faster.
Willy Wonka: My name is Willy Wonka.
Veruca Salt: Then shouldn't you be up there?
[points to stage]
Willy Wonka: Well, I couldn't very well watch the show from up there, now, could I, little girl?
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.
Willy Wonka: The waterfall is most important, it mixes the chocolate. It churns it up and makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall my dear children, and you can take that to the bank.
Willy Wonka: By the way, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall
[gets interrupted]
Veruca Salt: You already said that!
Willy Wonka: Oh...
Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Huh?
Charlie Bucket: Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa Loompa's song unless they...
Willy Wonka: [interrupts] Improvisation is parlor trick, anyone can do it.
[turns to Violet]
Willy Wonka: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Mr. Teavee: [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wood shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie Bucket: But could you send it by television if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka: Course I could.
Mike Teavee: What about people?
Willy Wonka: Well, why would I want to send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
Grandma Georgina: Nothing's impossible, Charlie.
Oompa Loompa: Listen close, and listen hard / The tale of Violet Beauregarde / This dreadful girl she sees no wrong / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / She goes on chewing till at last / Her chewing muscles grow so fast / And from her face her giant chin / Sticks out just like a violin / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / For years and years she chews away / Her jaws get stronger every day / And with one great tremendous chew / They bite the poor girl's tongue in two / And that is why we try so hard / To save Miss Violet Beauregarde / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long.
Oompa Loompa: Veruca Salt, the little brute / Has just gone down the garbage chute / And she will meet as she descends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A fish head for example cut / This morning from a halibut / An oyster from an oyster stew / A steak that no-one else would chew / And lots of other things as well / Each with its rather horrid smell / These are Veruca's newfound friends / That she will meet as she descends / These are Veruca's newfound friends / Who went and spoiled her / Who indeed? Who pandered to her every need? / Who turned her into such a brat? / Who are the culprits, who did that? / The guilty ones - now this is sad / Are dear old mum and loving dad.
Oompa Loompa: The most important thing that we've ever learned / The most important thing we've learned as far as children are concerned / Is never, never let them near a television set, or better still just don't install the idiotic thing at all. / It rots the senses in the head / It kills imagination dead / It clogs and clutters up the mind / It makes a child so dull and blind / He can no longer understand a fairytale, in fairyland / His brain becomes as soft as cheese / His thinking powers rust and freeze / He cannot think, he only sees / Regarding little Mike Teavee, we very much regret that we / Shall simply have to wait and see / Wwe very much regret that we / Shall simply have to wait and see / If we can get him back to size / But if we can't / It serves him right!
Willy Wonka: [hands Charlie a ladle full of chocolate] Try this. You looked starved to death!
[Mike Teavee is taken away and Wonka moves towards the Great Glass Elevator with Charlie and Grandpa Joe]
Willy Wonka: Right, now, how many children are left?
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, Charlie's the only one left.
Willy Wonka: [looks at Charlie] You mean, you're the only one?... what happened to the others?
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want one of those squirrels! Get me one of those squirrels!
Mr. Salt: All right dear. Mr. Wonka, how much for one of your squirrels? Name your price.
Willy Wonka: Oh, they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca Salt: Daddy!
Willy Wonka: [imitating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling, Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
Charlie Bucket: So... if I go with you, to live in your factory, I'll never see my family again?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!
[about Violet Beauregarde]
Grandma Josephine: What a beastly girl!
[about Veruca Salt winning a golden ticket]
Grandpa George: She's even worse than the fat boy!
Violet Beauregarde: Who are you?
Grandpa Joe: He's Willy Wonka!
Charlie Bucket: "Up and out"? What kind of a room is that?
Willy Wonka: Hold on.
Willy Wonka: Let's boogie.
[from trailer]
Willy Wonka: Ha ha ha ha. You're really weird.
[from trailer]
Mike Teavee: Back off, you little freaks!
Mike Teavee: [blowing up zombies on his video game] Die! Die! Die!
Mrs. Gloop: [Augustus is drinking the chocolate] Augustus, mein schatz! That is not a good thing you do!
Veruca Salt: Let's be friends.
Violet Beauregarde: Best friends.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [referring to Violet's appearance] Violet, you're turning violet!
Willy Wonka: I've tried it on, like, 20 Oompa Loompahs and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Willy Wonka: Try some of my grass, please have a a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking.
[first lines]
Narrator: This is a story of an ordinary little boy named Charlie Bucket. He was not faster, or stronger, or more clever than other children. His family was not rich or powerful or well-connected; in fact, they barely had enough to eat. Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy in the entire world. He just didn't know it yet.
Charlie Bucket: Sorry we're late. We were brainstorming.
Grandpa George: Thought I heard thunder.
Willy Wonka: Don't touch that squirrel's nuts! It'll make him crazy!
Mrs. Gloop: [while leaving the chocolate factory. Augustus is covered in chocolate] Augustus, please don't eat your fingers!
Augustus Gloop: [licks his fingers] But I taste so good!
Willy Wonka: [coming upon a tiny door] An important room, this. It is a chocolate factory, after all.
Mike Teavee: Then, why's the door so small?
Willy Wonka: That's to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.
Violet Beauregarde: Sounds like my kinda gum.
Augustus Gloop: [offering the Wonka bar he had been munching on to Charlie] Would you like some chocolate?
Charlie Bucket: Sure!
Augustus Gloop: [yanking the candy bar away] Then you should have brought some with you.
Dr. Wonka: [knowing his son wants to be a chocolatier] Candy is a waste of time. No son of mine is going to be a chocolatier.
Little Willy Wonka: Then I'll run away to Bavaria, Switzerland. The candy capitals of the world.
Dr. Wonka: Go ahead. But I won't be here when you come back.
Grandpa George: [after hearing that Mike Teavee hates chocolate] Well, it's a good thing you are going to a chocolate factory!
Willy Wonka: Once again, you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's really starting to bum me out!
[Mike has just found a Golden Ticket]
TV Reporter: So tell us, what did it taste like?
Mike Teavee: I don't know, I hate chocolate!
Oompa Loompa: Augustus Gloop / Augustus Gloop / The great big greedy Nincompoop / Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, so greedy foul and infantile / Come on, we cried, the time is right to send him shooting up the pipe / But don't, dear children be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed / Although of course we must admit, he will be altered quite a bit / Slowly wheels go round and round, and cogs begin to grind and pound / We'll boil him for a minute more, until were absolutely sure that out he comes by not by grace, a miracle has taken place / This greedy brute, this louces ear, is loved by people everywhere, for who could hate or bare a grudge against a luscious peace of fudge?
[repeated line]
Dr. Wonka: Now, let's see what the damage is here.
Dr. Wonka: Just last week I was reading a very important medical journal saying some children are allergic to chocolate. It makes their noses itch.
Little Willy Wonka: Maybe I'm not allergic, I could try a piece.
Dr. Wonka: Really? But why take a chance?

Answer 2

Hey Emmaa! :) :) :) Ah! Sheesh, how do I follow these great answers lol. I think it's rather fitting to start with one of my favourite quotes by critic Roger Ebert: "Every great film should seem new every time you see it." I couldn't emphasis how true this is (for me at least). To me a "great" movie should at face value give some sortof feeling. Whether it fills me with joy for its greatness. When I experience it, or it I even feel a tingle in my spine sometimes. Anything at all that is purposefully constructed to shake an audience to its core. It doesn't even have to be grand or fancy to move you or keep you interested. Just one that makes you care and feel and think. (Case and point: Little Miss Sunshine). I seldom look at how the story's constructed, or how the dialogue flows, the music- that becomes secondary. All these components are incorporated in every film (that is what 'art' is) but to provoke one’s mood or psyche through this mix should be commended as 'great film-making has taken place'. The emotional hook to it has always been my basis for picking any "favourite/greatest movie" it's only later that I'll "pick on it" after multiple viewings. This is really, simply the best way I could put it. BA: Project Nim (for like the fourth time). I cannot stress enough how much I love this movie. BA2: Probably Meryl Streep. Although I did think Viola deserved it, it's becoming increasingly clear why Meryl won it (granted she's played many challenging roles and not awarded for those). I should say though, I'd imagine out of all the roles people play two of the hardest in my opinion are (comedic and playing an extremely old person). Marion Cotillard is still in my mind one of the best actresses to pull it off with ease. Streep went through similar things she played the woman as she was during her prime, but she also captured Thatcher as an old woman suffering from dementia. Whilst, actually perfecting the voice inflections, bodily movements, ticks, warts, and all, and makes the audience think she is actually the character and is not merely playing a famous woman. If Streep hadn't won it then I wouldn't have been upset over a Willams or Davis win.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Boondock Saints: "See you on tha flipside"
Boondock Saints: "****...***" - that one's fun
Boondock Saints: "I can't go buy a pack of cigarettes without running into 9 guys you ******".

Answer 5

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:
-you're really weird
-chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum i hate the most
-You can't have your family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
-You're all quite short, aren't you?
Violet Beauregarde: Well yeah, we're children.
Willy Wonka: Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you
Mike Teavee: You were once.
Willy Wonka: Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
-Willy Wonka: If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee: What kind of question is that?
Willy Wonka: No need to snap. Just a question.
-See children? Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable! But that my dear children. is called cannibalism; and that is frowned upon in most societies
-Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I like peanuts.
Willy Wonka: You smell like old people... and soap. I like it.
-Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!

Answer 6

FOR CHARLIE:
"Good Morning starshine...the earth says helloooo!"

Agustus: I love your chocolate! (chocolate covering face)
Wonka: I can see that

"I shake you warmly by the hand"

Princess Bride:

"I am Indigo Montoya you killed my father prepare to die!"

"Inconcievable"

"No more rhymes now i mean it!, anybody want a peanut!"

"Never go up against a cicelian when death is on the line!"

Answer 7

Trainspotting:

"Take the best sex you've ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it."

Answer 8

1

Answer 9

Boondock Saints,

"You don't even remember that F*&^#N cats name do ya."

Trainspotting:

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ******* big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of ******* fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing ******* junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ******-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?"

Fear and loathing in las vegas:

"We can't stop here this is bat country!"
"Somebody has been feeding these beasts booze."

Charlie and the chocolate factory:

I'm afraid that simply isn't true. The kids who are going to find the Golden Tickets are the ones who can afford to buy bars of chocolate every day. Our Charlie gets only one a year. There isn't a hope."

Grandpa George

Answer 10

From fear and loathing.

"We can't stop here. This is bat country!"

Answer 11

"You met me in a very strange moment in my life"
- Edward Norton, Fight Club

"Of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine"
- Humphrey Bogart, Casablanca

"To infinity... and beyond!!"
- Tim Allen, Toy Story

"So I asked him, 'Tell me what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?'.... and he answers 'It intensifies your personality'.... and I said... 'yeah.... but what if you're an asshole?'..."
- Bill Cosby, Bill Cosby Himself