I cannot understand why he is doing this to me and the children he said i can have everything. he still want to call 2 see kids but does not want to live with us or give the marrage a 2nd try any ideas why?
2006-10-18 10:46:12 · 47 answers · asked by swim 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a really good lawyer. ;)
2006-10-18 10:52:49 · answer #1 · answered by jlyn1980 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it isn't so much "giving the marriage a second a try" as it is "continuing to live with an empty-feeling situation and hoping it gets better for any longer".
He may not understand it either. He is obviously a decent enough person not to try to get custody of the children (a lot of them do whatever it takes to get custody). He must respect the mother/child relationship enough to know that if he leaves he cannot bring the children. He may care enough about you not to want to take away property or belongings either.
He must have some kind of long-term, deep, unhappiness (maybe even some type of depression) and need to do something to change his situation.
I would guess he cares about you and love the children, and he may think that "being friends" is the ideal way to be if a marriage is over; but you have a right to try to remain friends with him while also not having to have your "friend" live in a house where a marriage once lived.
All you can do is remember that people change, life changes people, and relationships change just the same way that people get sick and have no control over it. Don't think of it as "doing this to you". He's probably had some emptiness going on for a long time, and it may have gotten to a point where he can no longer do anything but this. Maybe he's tried for a long time in order not to end the marriage or live separately from the children, but maybe he just can't do it any longer. (I'm not saying this is the case, but there are a lot of gay men who think they can be married and learn it doesn't work for them.)
Try not to let your "upset" make things worse than they need to be. Try to stay on decent terms with him. You don't know, either, that he won't find he'd rather give it a second try after he's had some time to think. I think you're right not to want to have a "friend" "have it both ways" and stay in the house. That's not fair to you.
Best wishes. Try to believe that things will work out for the best in the long run, one way or another.
2006-10-18 11:31:03 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow,.... if you don't know why- how could I possibly know. I can only guess. 1) maybe he wants to start new with somebody else
2) he must have considered doing this long time
ago, but never had the guts to act upon it
3) it's obvious that he made up his mind- it could be
a combination of both 1&2
I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. Did you ever think about what to do, if this ever happens? ... believe it or not- I did.... I'm a pragmatic person and take life as it comes and by imagining worst case scenarios I make myself immune to otherwise unbearable situations. My suggestion to you is, stop asking why and start planning for your future without him.
2006-10-18 10:55:17 · answer #3 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel betrayed. You gave your life and soul to this man and now he treats you like this. The problem is that you can't change him. You can only change yourself and change how you respond to his crazyness.
If he won't go to counseling. Then you go.
You just might have to move on. And the best revenge is for you to be happy and sucessful without him.
It is obvious that he has some kind of troubles happening and if he won't confide in you then you don't have much of a marriage.
You have probably been gradually adapting to the crap he sends your way . Once he is more out of your life you will look back and see what was happening and how you were probably the one keeping the family happy and together. It sounds like he was gradually checking out on you and the family.
You will feel hurt, but you do have the oppertunity to start a new chapter in your life. Be strong and believe in yourself. You deserve a man who adores you and loves you. It can happen.
Take extra good care of yourself.
Karma & God will take care of him
2006-10-18 10:58:01 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is so common, and you should find some comfort that he is being honest with you and not making a mockery of your marriage. So many couples go through this, husbands sleeping in separate rooms or even on the sofa. My husband left me 3 years ago after having an affair, it was a dreadful shock and my daughter suffered emotional. However, looking back, it was the best thing, our marriage was not happy, and now we are amicable and able to enjoy our single status. I wish you luck and strength.
2006-10-18 11:10:08 · answer #5 · answered by LA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he isn't in love with you any longer. I know that has to hurt and after all these years, he is probably seeing someone else. I can't understand how he can just walk away with so much history - its just terrible. I'm so sorry. Maybe you will be better off without him. Take each day as it comes and try to stay busy. Go to friends and family for the support that you will need. Remember we are here if you need us. God bless you.
2006-10-18 10:51:36 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hubby has had his hand in the cookie jar----and think the cookies at someone else's house taste better. He's having a mid-lifer---all men go thru this and so do some woman.
Give the man some space....let him file for divorce. Make sure he's supporting you and the children and keeping up with the payments that he should.
If after a few months he doesn't shake his brain loose...you go and file for divorce...
2006-10-18 10:56:43 · answer #7 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you watched the movie 'The brothers' you can relate.
He has snapped! It is impossible to fix it now most probably. If you cannot understand why, it is because you are trying to use the most recent conflict to understand why he would make such a big decision, however, I can tell you it has been building inside him for many years. ie. little small irritations everyday building up over the years till.....SNAP!! and thats it. That is what happened. Hang in there!! Sorry.
2006-10-18 11:17:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's behind an affair that he's started and trying to leave before you confront him about it or catch him with the other woman. If you do let go of this relationship, don't be a fool and let him use you as a release from her when things are not going well between them. He is going to try it so be prepared to say Hell No, you made your choice, now deal with it.
2006-10-18 10:50:54 · answer #9 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey lady, think your hubby has a girlfriend, but get on with your own life, if he is such a **** head, then don't worry about him, look after yourself and the kids...........i am sure all will be okay, it will be hard for you after such a long time married, but he can't have been worth it, if he has done this to you and the children. take care, good luck and god bless.
2006-10-18 21:41:13 · answer #10 · answered by donua1022 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there
To be honest with you at times it's better to be friends. Why lose more sleep over someone that whats to be that way.
It doesn't mean that a second chance will be better. Lots of times it's worst cz you always live with what happen in the past.
Let him be and continue on with your life.
2006-10-18 10:51:49 · answer #11 · answered by oneswtmystery 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋