I Need Help Fast?

Question

My man & I R seperated (living in different houses in different states) he has cheated on me before that's why I moved but we are currently working on our relationship & seeing each other every other weekend. We also have a 2 year old together. I told him that if he really loved me & wanted to be with me that he would move to where we live. He says he does & that he is willing to do anything to prove his love & show that he has changed. Should I take it into consideration & haope that he has changed by him moving to be with us?? Please be honest & respond as soon as possible because he's planning on moving here in a week. Thanks..

Answer 1

I think that it wouldn't be a bad idea to consider taking him back should he move there - however I DON"T believe that should be the only way for him to "prove" he loves you and has changed. Him moving there may prove he loves you and is willing to move to a totally new place to be with you, but if you're not careful it may also just prove that he knows he can walk all over you no matter where you 2 live. You should definately demand that he take some counseling - couple counseling wouldn't be a bad idea if you are ready for that. It may help for him to do some personal counseling first, though and then get to couple's counseling at a later time. What you have to understand is that a man who habitually cheats is a type of abuser in that he abuses your feelings and the relationship itself. If you rely on him "promising" he will get counseling after he moves back in or anything like that it will probably never happen. It would probably be a good idea you get some type of counseling as soon as possible so that you become familiar with certain warning signs and such so that you will be better equipped to make decisions on boundaries and stuff in the future.
I realize that when you love someone and especially when you have a child with them you would like to do whatever you can to make it work - but sometimes you can end up being the only one in the realtionship that is truly doing what it takes. The key is to get educated about how his mind works and then try to figure out what advice you would give to your bestfriend if she were in the position and then try to take your own advice.
If you need to talk let me know, I know how difficult this road can be to travel.
Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 2

I only got up to "he has cheated on me before" and I knew I didn't need to read anymore. If you were telling me this, I would cut you off right there and say, "Wait. He's cheated on you already and you are still with him? Do you have any respect for yourself? Any guy that who will do this once will most certainly do it again. This guy does not respect women." And I say this to you now. Whatever else may be going on is irrelevent. To stay with him is only to put yourself down. Men like him give women a good reason to become lesbians!

You need to be with a man who is honest and loyal and who will appreciate you and pamper you- not disrespect you. You only deserve the best.

I read further. You may think that since I did not read the entire thing, I do not understand and know the whole story. Well, to let you know, I have been in a very similar situation but I was living with my man, who is ex. now. We had a baby and I moved out and in with my mom and back in with him several times. The main reason I moved back with him all those times was because I wanted to hold the family together and not be like my parents who separated when I was three. It truns out, my mom did the right thing leaving my dad who was very abusive to her and I did the wrong thing by staying with him. Things got much worse and because we fought so much, I got very depressed and had custody of my baby taken from me. And who got custody of this baby? He did. The same abusive, disrespectful, unfaithful man. Of all the times I left him, with my baby and lived with my mom, I wasn't half as depressed but he begged me to come back and made all kinds of promises. Looking back, and hindsight is always 20/20, I know that if I wouldn't have ever gone back to him, I would never have had my son taken from me. He took me to court and said to the judge that I was not mentally fit to care for my child. He backed this up with records from my therapist that said I was very depressed and crying all the time when living with him.

Staying with an abusive man can only harm your child. It is far better to raise him/her as a single mother than to raise your child in an abusive home just because it is a "nuclear family".

Answer 3

I would like to tell you that he will change and had changed. If he has cheated on you just once I would give him a second chance, but if it was more than once then I would let him go and try to find a man who will not cheat. If he loves you he will do everything in his power to make this work. Good Luck

Answer 4

Well 6 yrs ago my wife cheated on me with another man and moved in with him..from her familys lies...I moved to another state to get away from the pain that it caused...But I did give my wife another chance because I still loved her..We had 2 kids to.
actions are louder than words so have him prove his love for you..plus it takes time to build trust to...he has to earn that trust ok..but don't throw it up in his face every time you 2 disagree. or you will not be working on a marriage but tearing it a apart ok..Good luck

Answer 5

I'd give him another chance. From what you say he sounds like he really wants to make it work. I mean moving to be with you and the little one. I hope it does work for you. Take care and good luck ;o)

Answer 6

UR a glutton for abuse. No one ever really changes and you will get hurt again. Oh, and expect him to throw the fact that he moved to you in your face later on.

Answer 7

Listen, you do not want to get hurt again. Think about this carefully. Do you think it's worth the trouble? Will it happen again? Has he really changed? Think about it

Answer 8

For the sake of the child, give him another chance. A child needs both of you.

Answer 9

if he does come to where you are and has
a job takes care of his child, nun abusive and you love him take him back, life is full of chances

Answer 10

Do you really really really love him? cause if you do it's worth it to try. If you're not sure, then tell him now he doesn't need to move back.