do you think it's ok for a 7yr old to sleep w/dad on weekend visits in my spot and I go to sofa?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years and when his kid comes to stay over I have to move to the sofa. I have an issue with this...am I wrong? I feel that he's trying to compensate for the time he doesn't spend with his little boy but he say's the little boy is afraid of our puppy and the sort. Although I have agreed to put our pup in our room if that is the case and his son should sleep in the same room as my daughter's from a previous relationship. Today we are not sleeping together anymore as I'm still both pissed and hurt that he would disrespect me in such a way. As if to point out to his son that dad's girlfriend isn't that important and our relationship isn't that serious. He just doesn't seem to get why this for means that our relationship has hit a serious curve that may or may not be so easy to rectify. This is the 2nd time this has happened.

Answer 1

I agree with you on this. First, he should have more respect for you. Second, at age 7 the kid should be sleeping in his own bed, regardless if it's only for a weekend or not. Thirdly, if he's doing it to compensate for time he doesn't spend with him, he should simply spend more time with his son doing father/son stuff. I don't think sleeping with his son is a great relationship builder. My father was almost never around between age 1-8 because he traveled a lot for work. But when he did come home for holidays, he made sure I was #1 priority and always explained why he was away so often. I turned out fine and we have a great relationship today. I think maybe your bf should realize why this is a problem for you and also that sleeping with his son isn't doing much for their relationship if that's the only thing he's doing.

Answer 2

OMG what is wrong with YOU? You need serious help. You are actually jealous of a 7 year old boy! If he were staying with you permanently then you might have a valid complaint. The child isn't getting the message that he is more important than you. He is getting the message that he is important to his daddy and that his daddy will keep him safe. I don't believe you would be willing to turn your daughter's room into a dual room that is shared and has 2 twin beds in it with stuff specifically decorated on one side with things he is interested in. Then you could say , "This is your home too when your here ; and here's your special place to stay."
Keep in mind that the mother of the child isn't sleeping with him ; the child is. Also, the child's mother could use the fact that you are sleeping in the room with them as leverage for getting the visitation revoked.
Quit robbing the joy of the son's visit by creating an unncessary issue due to your jealousy.

Answer 3

You have a right to be pissed, because that's a lame excuse. His kid should be able to sleep on the sofa, not even in your daughter's room. Although they are kids, they are different sexes, so you don't want to start something you may regret on that part either. If he respects your relationship, then he'll let his kid know that he's old enough to sleep on his own with a night light if needed because nothing will happen to him as long as he's at his (your Dad's) home. Let him know how you feel before things get out of control or beyond repair in the relationship from your point of view.

Answer 4

You need to be firm, but respectful to your boyfriend when you point out that he can't "make-up" for lost time. Once the time is gone, it's gone ... period, end of story. Spoiling the child, buying him gifts, etc. will not make-up for not spending time with his father. And I'm sorry, but sleeping together is not "spending time together" because they are not talking and interacting, they are sleeping!

At seven years old, this child is old enough to sleep in a different room regardless of the complaint about the puppy. In some states, a report of a child this old sleeping with the father would be enough to start an investigation for child sexual abuse. I'm sure neither you or your boyfriend wants the stigma of an abuse allegation hanging over your heads.

As far as the respect issue, you need to point out to your boyfriend that you share the same room and the same bed on the nights that "Junior" isn't in your home. And you do not appreciate having to give up your place in your bed in your room to a seven year old child. It is extremely disrespectful to you, and it is a serious hit to your relationship and your value in the child's eyes. Children learn by example, and dad isn't showing the child to respect you!

To make space for the child:
1. Offer to help the child redecorate the other bedroom when he is in your home, maybe he doesn't feel like the bedroom is really his to use. A little paint or a wall-paper border that "Junior" helps pick-out will go a long way to making him feel "at home" in your house. Even something as silly as a sports poster or a night-light could do the trick.
2. Offer to buy a kennel or crate for the puppy, and place the puppy in your room on the nights that "Junior" is in the house.
3. Offer to buy "Junior" a child-sized sleeping bag so he can "camp out" in the living room rather than sleeping in your bedroom or the spare room.
4. If your boyfriend is still insistent that he sleep with the child, but him an adult-sized sleeping bag and insist that they "camp out" together. The reason for the size differences is simple: one child-size and one adult-size sleeping bag can not be zipped together to make a single larger sleeping bag! ;) Either way, you can still enjoy the comforts of your room and your bed.
5. Offer your boyfriend the cold, hard facts that if he continues to choose his child over you, you will choose yourself over him and be prepared to follow through with your threat. It is not too much to ask for and get respect from both the child and his father.

Answer 5

No I would be bothered by it too. If the son is so scared of the puppy then maybe he could sleep on the floor next to you or put the puppy in your room and have the son sleep on the couch. I don't think that parents should allow their children to sleep with them.

Answer 6

Wow. I would have flipped out. There would be no way I would sleep on the sofa in my own house for a child to take my place. Why should a 7 yr old boy be sleeping with his father anyway ? I agree with you that it is totally disrespectful to you. I would look at this behavior as a major cause for concern.

Answer 7

You are definitely not wrong!! What the h*** is wrong with your man??? Sweetie it's about that time that you put your foot down! I mean who is really the child here YOU or his kid??? DO not put with that crap! YOU are an adult and kid or no kid you have and must be treated with respect! Get your man and tell him what's up! Put an end to this! I'm sure he would not like it one bit if he were the one sleeping on the couch whenever one of your kids came to sleep over!!! Hey if it helps then stay away from him as long as you can and hopefully he will get the hint! You are playing no games, pup my a**! Get him in the other room! NOW!

Answer 8

His son is 7 years old and sleeps over for weekend visits. So...

1. The kid has to sleep in a house that he is not his "regular."
2. Sounds like he is scared of the dark
3. Gets to see his Dad on "weekend visits."

and now the poor kid has to content with your petty jealousy?

Get over yourself and let your boyfriend and son have some alone time. You should be glad your boyfriend is the type of guy who wants to emotionally care for his child and you should be more supportive for your bf and for this child.

Answer 9

Absolutely NOT right! It needs to stop now, before it becomes a habit with the son, but you are right--it is definately disrespectful to you. That is YOUR bed too. Worse comes to worse, I would make him a bed on the floor in your room, before he took my bed or send the BF out to the couch with the son. They can camp out together.

I don't know how good it is to put the step kids together being different genders. Crazy things have happened in those situations, even to trustworthy kids. After all, they are curious.

Good luck.

Answer 10

It's disrespectful to sleep with your BF while his son is in the house. Maybe you should have a girl's night out when he comes over or something similar if you don't like it. But it's not a good example for teh kid if you are sleeping with Dad. Plus, if he only gets to see him a few times, I'm sure he wants quality time with his son.