Me and my husband have been together for 10 yr. and a month ago i found out that he cheated on me wit my frien

Question

i found out last month that my husband was cheating on me with my bestfriend.i walked in on them.it's been a month and i want to leave him cuz he has been physically abusing me.i can't leave him cuz we have 2 kids together and we have a business together.. and we've been together for 15 years and been married for 10 years. i seriously don't know wat to do. we tried seeing a marriage counselor but it didn't work. i truly love him and he's never abused me since i found out that he cheated on me with my bestfriend. please help me im in need of your help.

Answer 1

i think you're racist

Answer 2

You need to leave him.
I understand kids are involved, but that's what custody battles are for.
Hire yourself a good divorce attorney. Although you might not have the funds to afford a lawyer, a responsible and sincere lawyer will work out a payment plan for you.
Obviously, your husband doesn't love you or respect you. If he loved you or respected you he wouldn't have had an affair nor would he be abusing you.
Just because he hasn't abused you since you found out about his infidelity doesn't mean he's stopped for good. He is only controlling himself for the time being because he knows with what you found out that he's walking on egg shells.
Any man that raises his hand to a woman is a disgrace.
AND!! To add to the matter, you've tried to save your marriage but the counseling didn't help. You've tried as much as you could— leaving is the only other option.
Don't stay with him in fear that you'll be broke or have no where to go. If you stay with him you're allowing your children to be witness to an abusive man and being in a broken home, which isn't healthy.
Please view the following pages—
http://www.snbw.org
http://www.singlemotherresources.com/

And reconsider what you said about how you can't leave. You have to leave to save yourself and your children from miserable lives.

Answer 3

He abused you and so did your girlfriend...
So you have kids and a business together..., so what....
He has now shown you that you have been replaced....
If you think is not going to happen again., you are sadly mistaken... He is taking risks already but involving someone you trust.....
Go stay with your family and file now... You need to get out, go for spousal support, child support and either he sells the business or
buys you out...
You are a victim and the longer you do nothing about this, the more you will hate him and yourself....
Marriage counselling didn't work.... open up your eyes and take off the blinders.....
Do not stay in a marriage for convenience... you and your children deserve so much more.
By the way, I hope you kicked you friend out of your life....
If she was married, or otherwise engaged in a relationship , I would tell her partner what a louse she is......

Answer 4

Get an attorney. Kick his butt out after the attorney tells you to.
Don't worry about the friend, easily replaced.
If you stay w/him what kind of a life will you have??? Will you ever trust him again?? You can do as you please but this rarely works out for the best.
The kids will have to adjust. A family where abuse is occurring is never a good place to be for the kids.
He hasn't abused you since you found him cheating. Just wait.
Do yourself a favor and get real w/the situation and if for nothing else see an attorney for advice. Don't be weak about this.
After reading the others answers and noticing your screen name I think you need a head doctor.

Answer 5

Ask yourself if you could tolerate the affair even after it ends some day. There are women who choose to stay on in an unhappy relationship for the sake of their kids and joint assets. And even when their husbands stop fooling around, they can't reconcile with the fact that their husbands once cheated on them. A broken vase will never mend completely because water continues to seep through the cracks.

If you are reluctant to leave because of the kids, then ask yourself this: Would your kids thrive in this existing family structure where their father isn't fully committed to the family and was once physically abusive towards you? Would your kids be picking up the wrong values to embark on their own adult life journey in future?

And a joint business venture doesn't mean you've got to tolerate your husband's philandering ways. In fact, a divorce is going to protect the woman's share of assets more than you'd ever know.

You are presently going through a hidden denial stage; you try to comfort yourself with the fact that your husband has stopped abusing you. Mind you, he has stopped the physical abuse simply because he's more preoccupied with his affair. Or he could have stopped hitting you out of guilt. It doesn't mean he still has a tinge of remaining love for you.

Oh by the way, I'm Asian. Though I feel sad for your present circumstances, I can't help but inform you that you shouldn't stereotype Asians.

Answer 6

He is a dog and has probably had more rolls in the hay then the one you busted him in. I hope you kicked her butt. Now how to deal with him. Start your own account and start putting money in it. If he don't give you money then he is not worth being with, you are being abused and cheated on. He can be made to sell the business if you can get more money out of it if you divorce. Staying together because of the kids is never a reason to stay married. You will just emotionally spiral down. I would save until I could get away from him fast as I can.

Answer 7

You have yourself in a very unusual situation. First and foremost you have to distance yourself from the abusive environment. Secondly, if your husband is abusive to you then there is close to a 100% chance that the kids will suffer the same dilemma....one way or the other...and thirdly, someplace along the line your husband is obviously afraid of the consequences of his infidelity otherwise he would continue his abusiveness none stop....I assure you it will start again when he is comfortable with his control issues again....forget the business...take the kids...and run....do not hesitate....the worse is yet to come and it is not fun.....get out of the situation....denial and still loving him is an excuse....LOVE HIM BUT LEAVE HIM...there are many many nice guys out there...go find one that will make a real family for you and your children.

Answer 8

You should have left him the first time he hit you cuz if he did it once he'll do it a million times.And bout the kids get a divorce since your trying and he's hitting you should not have to go thru with that.And I hope you dropped your bestfriend cuz she wasn't your bestfriend they were probably together for over 3 months but you just found out he probably had sex with her in your bed.You say you love him but he can't love you that much to be cheating on you and physically abusing you.You can do much better.No woman should have to go thru with your going thru.Just talk 2 How bout u test the waters and see how he feel.

Answer 9

I was in an abusive relationship for years. There is no amount of money, no business, no house, NOTHING that is worth staying in an abusive relationship. You do need to protect your own possessions though...Some won't agree with this but still...If you are seriously concerned about the business and your posessions I say, "The next time he abuses you CALL THE POLICE...Show them the marks, press charges and he goes to jail. Push for an EPO. If you life is not in danger do not leave the house. Possession is 9/10ths of the law."

If you life IS in danger just GO! You can get another job. You can find someone who won't abuse you or cheat on you. You can get other furnishings and another vehicle. You can't get another life. Your kids NEED you.

One thing that got me through my divorce was remembering "It is so hard right now...financially and mentally...but in one year I'll be in a much better position and I'll not have to wake up wondering if I will be beaten today..." Just get out of there and remind yourself: "It's going to get better."

Answer 10

You may just have some consequences you will have to live with because of your decisions. You will probably not get him back, and I am not sure why you are so desperate for him. Perhaps you are just needing a man-- any man. Be smart. You said he treated you like crap when you were just dating, then when you had a good thing going with someone else, you dumped them to be with the same guy you treated you crappy, just because he proposed. You don't really love him. You just don't want a failed marriage. You have to decide which is more important-- being married and miserable, or being alone and happy. Your son needs a mother-- not a weak, desperate tramp who moves from man to man. What are you teaching him about relationships??

Answer 11

you gotta go, you can't stay there. business or no business, kids or no kids, you have to go. if he hasn't abused you since you found out is just because he already knows he screwed up, but give it a bit of time and he will see that you forgave him for cheating, he will abuse you again and then your kids will get abused as well. Be a good mother and leave, no money can buy those kids happiness. and business is something that he will have to run by himself and pay for everything you need and your children need!