My husband is now sober after many years of beer drinking after work. He got a DUI and quit cold turkey...says he doesn't have feelings for me now....says mean and hurtfull things to his best friends. he doesn't sound like the man i married. is this behavior normal for someone in this situation? 20 yrs of marraige and two children is too much to throw away, but that's what he is doing. oh, he won't get professional help either....thinks he can do this all by himself. help?
2006-10-18 09:52:50 · 17 answers · asked by Juls 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with the other answerer -- go to an alanon meeting or pick up their book. I suspect he is an alcoholic.
The reason why he has suddenly changed is because when he was drinking, he was an alcoholic -- a man whose anesthized himself with alcohol. His beliefs, values, etc are all different under the influence of alcohol. It also numbs all feelings, so he could take not being in "love".
Now that he has quit, he is starting to feel again. He will be different. Instead of an emotionless, alcoholic, you have a man who is clearly going to be motivated by different things. In addition, he is going to be feeling again. Usually, newly sober people have to readjust and as you are finding out, new feelings do occur.
He does have an obligation to his kids. A book that he might find helpful is Dr Laura Schlessinger's "How could you do that?". I suspect, though he won't read it.
I hate to say it, though. You really are in a bind. Alcoholics can be stubborn folk. Again, for your own sake you may find it helpful to go to an alanon meeting or seek counseling for yourself to better equip yourself with these new challenges.
Good luck.
2006-10-18 10:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by mchenryeddie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im in the SAME EXACT situation,,,,and yes its because hes newly sober that hes acting like that. He doesnt know how else to act right now,,,,hes having withdrawals. My man has done the same thing,,,and he always apologises after a few days when he knows hes acting like a jerk. You just have to be there for him and give him all the space he needs right now. After he goes through his withdrawals he will be ok. Hopefully though hes not going to go back to drinking again,,because he cant handle the pressure of withdrawing. Its the worse disease you can have,,,,my dad died from drinking at the age of 46 so i ve seen it all. Its not a pretty site. Like i said just be there for him when he needs you and give him his space. He will be a happier man in his own time from healing. Good luck honey.
2006-10-18 09:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that he is what I have heard called a "dry drunk". Quit drinking, but is so miserable with it that he needs to make those around him feel that way too. I have a relative that is like that. Verbally abusive towards his family, always uptight and ready to blow. Hopefully he will change his mind about getting help and trying to improve his behavior. In the meantime, you should try to find a support group that will at least help you to deal with it and maybe prepare yourself for some real decision making if he chooses not to get help. Best of Luck!
2006-10-18 10:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by Hallon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Juls one how long has it been since he had a drink and two part of withdrawals is mood change. He Also may be taking stuff out on the people close to him because he now realizes how he was and is ashamed. He may want to rid him self of the feelings of guilt by getting rid of the reminders.
2006-10-18 09:59:54 · answer #4 · answered by Vinny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long has it been since he qiut? He may still be detoxing. Withdrawal can cause alot of changes in a person at first, not necessarily good. Let him know you love him and you're there for him and give him space to deal with the physical and mental changes he's going through. He'll come around......I did.
2006-10-18 10:05:50 · answer #5 · answered by mesierens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normal? I wouldn't call anything in this situation "normal", but it may very well be expected.
I'd try to support him as best you can through this difficult time. It takes a lot of courage for him to take this action.
Oh, one more thought...I really do think that professional help might be beneficial....is there any way you can get him to go see someone?
2006-10-18 09:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is suffering withdrawal, probably physical and mental. If he won't get professional help then your between a rock and a hard place.
He needs to have it explained in no uncertian terms that you are not going to live this way. If he wants to pay child support, alimony, and split property, then it works for you.
2006-10-18 09:57:20 · answer #7 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You fell in love with the man that drank beer. He is a different person now. He is mad that he had to quit and he is taking it out on everyone around him, it's part of the withdrawl.
2006-10-18 09:56:20 · answer #8 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 10:39:01 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't change his affection issues, you can always stick it through and contemplate yourself by seeing him as a relative who you share a home with as apposed to a husband. Very unfortunate that this is happening to you. Good luck.
2006-10-18 10:03:59 · answer #10 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋