Should I Come Out? or Should I Wait?

Question

I'm a lesbian and I want to tell everyone cause i really want to start living my life the way I want to. I feel like if I don't come out I'll be wasting my life but my only problem is that I'm scared on how my parents would react. Since I'm still in college, They're still supporting me and I don't have any financial income and I would not know what to do if ever they decide to cut me off. They're not really very open minded about things.

I also want them to be the first to know about me being gay cause I want to be open to them and I wanna show them I still respect them. What should I do? Should I come out now or should I wait?

Answer 1

Wait until you're sure you'll be ok. You cannot wrap yourself in a rainbow flag, run around the room, and then hide in the closet and pretend it didn't happen.

Answer 2

Bless you, my dear one, that is a difficult one. I was in the closet to my parents up until about five years ago (even though my Partner and I have been together for 26 years) I just didn't want to hurt them or lose their respect. I fully understand your problem. For years we tiptoed around issues until my sister outted me without my permission..I'm still a little sore about that. My Mother told me "You're still my child and I love you." It was the best thing I could hear; but until then I was tied in knots.Your parents do love you. I highly doubt they'll stop loving you. All I can say is take your time and come out when you're ready and not before. All the advice you want is right here, but only you can make that first step. It's hard, and I wish you well. Blessings.

Answer 3

Well I would wait if I were you,, and Damn, I wish I were you, but really tho,, at 14 I realized I was a Crossdresser I had to keep it quiet, I couldnt talk to anyone about it I would have been stoned and banned from the village, of course I am 46 and I still dont talk to very many about it, except on here , anyway, I say keep quiet about it,, live your life what works for you, and you will know when the time is right,

Answer 4

There's a difference between being "true" to yourself and solely wanting to make it through life. If you're still financially dependent on them, the smart thing would be to not come out until you're more on your own two feet. There's no need to make a stand yet, it'll only put economic and academic strain on you.

After there's no dependence there, absolutely, go for it. Some may call it a coward's way, yet it seems like the most level-headed of actions.

Answer 5

I think you should come out. Everyone keeps telling me that same sex relationships are socially and ethically acceptable. Strange. If they were, why are you in the closet in the first place? Why do you have to "come out"? Doesn't make sense to me. I'm a Packer fan. Always been. I didn't "hide" when they were playing bad. "Come out" when they went to the Super Bowl. Yes, there were people like that. The saying is "jumping on the bandwagon". But they are few and far between. As for your situation, you shouldn't have to"hide" when it's not socially acceptable, and "come out" when the far and few between people think it is.

Answer 6

Well if you're in college you might as well. This gives you plenty of time to meet new friends.

I wouldn't worry about your parents. As narrow minded as they may be, you're still their child. You never know how they'll react.
And if they cut you off, who needs them?

If your keeping it a secret b/c your trying to get them to pay for college...that's a bit greedy...you're just going to turn around and tell them later. You should tell them now, it's the right thing to do.

Answer 7

my brother had a similar problem with not knowing how his parents would react. he came out to me first, he never had the chance to come out to his mother (she passed away a few years ago) but i think mostly it was his father's reaction he was afraid of. my stepdad came across as very hard headed on this issue and borderline homophobic (almost apathetic towards it, but it was obvious he didn't want to be close to anyone gay). when my brother finally did come out to him his response was "be happy, be gay!" he's coming to terms with his son being gay, but he was open to it from the beginning.
not that it always works out like that, but personally if it was between hiding what i felt from my parents or them not putting me through college - i'd get a job (or a few jobs) save up and pay for it myself.

Answer 8

"They're not really very open minded about things." is a bit vague.

How do they feel about gays, specifically? Are they haters, or they just disapprove, but don't freak out about it? Or what?

The biggest problem with this question is, you know them; we don't.

(Of course, many parents have surprised their gay children by coming around, but that's hard to predict.)

Answer 9

my personal opinion is this, come straight out and tell them. the only person who is getting hurt here is the person you face in the mirror every morning. i came out to my parents about my being a TGirl about 9 yrs ago. i showed up at their house dressed en femme. power suit, heels, made up to the max, the whole works. they didnt like it at first but once i proved to them that it was my feelings that would be hurt, they accepted me for who i am not my choice of gender or my sexual preferences. by the way, i am a pre op TS (i am on hormone therapy and i have had my implants done and a tracheal shave as well.) so i not only look female, i sound it as well. once i had my facial work done my parents started calling me their daughter. it took time but it does work to come straight out and tell them.

Answer 10

If you do come out and your parents stop helping you, please know that your school's Financial Aid Office can help you. You can increase your loans. You may be able to get a dependent override, too, which will open you up to other sources of loans. If it happens and you're not on speaking terms with your parents, please make an appointment with the Director or Assistant Director of your Finaid dept. and figure out what they need to satisfy themselves that you're independent.