It was a fling with a co worker 2 years ago-lasted for few meetings and 2 times sex.He is very apologetic, told me himself as couldn't live with his guilt. I have 2 small kids and 1 was few months when this happened. I have a urge to call up the girl and abuse her but husband is against that as he says there were no feelings involved and there is absolutely nothing between them since then. He feels if I call, it will not affect her in any way. Should I call? Also, I have relly cried, screamed at him, etc. and he is requesting me not to talk about it again and again and move on. That is very difficult for me to do and how can I behave normal again when I am not.
2006-10-18 09:30:23 · 26 answers · asked by chints 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since he was kind enough to dump this on you, tell him how you handle it is now up to you. However, I wouldn't call the other women. She isn't the one that broke your trust, he is. He's the one that promised to remain faithful to you and didn't. Calling her wouldn't make things any easier for you. Talking about it will and he's going to have to talk until you can't talk anymore. He's also going to have to be willing to be an open book about everything. Any question you ask him, (where's he going, where he's been ......ect.....) he has to be willing to answer truthfully, or your marriage won't recover. Good luck to you. You have a long road to travel. You may need counseling to get through this too.
2006-10-18 09:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is very cruel and has no regard for your feelings. If he were feeling such guilt he should have talked to a counselor or pastor. Again he was only thinking of himself just like when he cheated. He couldn't have given much thought to you and your feelings.
As far as confronting the co worker that serves no purpose, your husband is the problem not her. He is the one that strayed. He is the one that has humiliated you and hurt you.
Most marriages cannot survive adultery, this breaks the foundation that marriage is based on trust...
Unfortunately he is asking you to go through the grieving process and move on to forgive and forget at the speed of light.
This is a life changing event that will take a lot of hard work and counseling to mend.
I'm sorry for your pain and suffering and his insensitivity to you. You will need to take time to heal the wounds and this could take years.
You will eventually learn to trust him again or you won't.
Do you have someone you can talk to and help you get through this? You will have many sleepless nights and some days the tears will never end....
I pray that you will find some peace and your heart can find joy again....
2006-10-18 09:59:41 · answer #2 · answered by easinclair 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN His cheating is NOT about you. It is not because you are/ were inadequate in any fashion. Not because you are below "average", "ugly" or old and dumb. He cheated because he has a character flaw. MAYBE, he believed that interloper was what he deserves. I would venture to say, the other woman has many more character flaws than you can imagine. GET THIS, the beauty of an affair with a married man is that she doesn't have to do his laundry and he NEVER has to find out how ugly and dirty she is inside. Do you understand? Quit being the victim. Stand up, be proud and let him finally feel the consequences of what he created. This statement does not mean you get to punish him. What I mean is: when women take on the emotional response that should be the man's, he does not have to do the emotional work.
2016-03-28 00:47:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well being that you know what happened and such. Did you know that you can SUE her for wrecking your marriage? Let me tell you from experience chica.. He is going to keep apologizing and such. He will continue to cheat on you once you forgive him. Don't stay with him for your kids.. Thats a sorry excuse. You can do better and go on with your life. It's going to be hard at first but honey... You don't want to stay in an unhealthy relationship. It's going to ruin your life. Don't call her. Make an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer and she/he will explain everything to you. Cuz I sued the girl that my ex was with and i got 10 grand from her. Which she is paying for it monthly until the 10 grand is paid up. So it benefitted me. It might you too. And if he doesnt want you to talk to the other girl is because he is hiding something else. The guilt will always be there for him. But most men, when they cheat don't change. Hope this helps ya.
2006-10-18 09:52:04 · answer #4 · answered by Bella Trinity 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive him, but remain true to your heart. Do what ever it may take to get over this. Your husband may say "move on" but this isn't like losing a materialistic object it is serious. The reason I say serious is because marriage vows were broken. If this man really loves you he will be patient with you and allow you to heal in your own time. Take one day at a time.
What is the real issue of your husband cheating? Is he happy at home? Do you guys spend time together? It takes two for a situation good or bad to happen, what role do you think you played in his descision to go astray? I am in no way saying it's your fault but asking these questions to yourself will help you sort through this hard time and make a well rounded decision in how you want to handle this ordeal afterall you have some young ones looking at how you handle this situation, the children may not know the details but they can see the actions "children learn from what they see and not nessecarily from what they hear"
Good luck and I hope this helps
2006-10-18 09:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by dymps 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't waste your precious time to call her. It will only stress you out, you need all your time and energy on healing yourself...and being their for your children.
You should let your husband know that infidelity is not something you just forget about. Yes, you can move on, but you can rest assured that takes time...and effort from BOTH people.
Counseling might be a good way to help you to heal. Marriage counseling where you and your husband is involved. The counselor could give you two ideas on how to make you both stronger that you may have never thought about. A great perspective to help you along the way. Think about that.
In the meantime, stay strong and take care of you children's mother!
2006-10-18 09:36:12 · answer #6 · answered by Chanel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all it takes 2 to tango remember! Don't go yelling at her, your husband knew it was wrong and he knew he was married. You have the right to get mad and yell and scream at him, but not at her. As for letting it go, just remember he had 2 YEARS to tell you and he didn't, which meant he lied to you for 2 YEARS. You have the right to hang on to your anger for a little while, but yes you will need to get over it so you can deal with it with a clear mind. Your trust in him will never be the same, can you live with that? Can you live with this always having that fear in the back of your mind when he works late or has a business trip? If not then you should think about seperating and maybe starting over. You will always deserve better, but it's up to you to go get it.
2006-10-18 09:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by knightrider235 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the girl. Yes you want to scream and hurt her but what will that accomplish. It also might lead to legal issues if you go to far or people hear you in public.
As for what you are going to do with your husband. If was 2 years ago. Has he done it again? Do you think he will do it again?
Make sure you do everything in your power to make him regret telling you. Make sure you make his life a living hell. That way it will drive a wedge in between both. It will help make sure nothing can be done to save the marriage, the children will grow up in a few homes.
You've been hurt now retaliate and get your revenge on him. Generate as much hate and distrust as you can as that is what he did by confessing. Make sure he knows what will happen if he ever does something in the future and tells you about it. Make sure he knows what will happen.
But don't let him know that trying to be honest with you will get him anywhere. Make sure he knows he will regret ever telling you anything ok?
2006-10-18 09:50:39 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have every right to feel hurt and angry, however calling this woman will only cause more hurt and anger. Your husband needs to realize that just because he admitted his wrong doesn't make him husband of the year and he has no right to tell you to drop it and move on. Anyone who has been cheated on knows it is not that easy, but if you intend to stay married to him you must eventually forgive him and not mention it again or you will end up in divorce court for sure but you may end up there anyway because chances are he will do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater
2006-10-18 09:39:42 · answer #9 · answered by krystal s 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, don't call her. Your husband is the one who made a promise to be faithful to you; she didn't promise you anything. You were wronged by your husband, who broke his marriage vows to you. You weren't wronged by this woman.
It is wrong of him to expect you to just move on. It's all well and good for him to say...he's had two years to move on! And now he dumps all of this on you because he can't handle the guilt caused by his own actions. So now that he has unburdened himself, he's free and clear as far as he's concerned. But you're left to deal with all the crap. It really isn't fair for you, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
You need time to get over his betrayal, and you need a support system. Can you forgive him? If you can, it will take work...a lot of work. The two of you will need to attend marriage counselling so that you can learn how to trust again and so that he can learn how to be a good husband.
2006-10-18 09:37:00 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋