I am unsure about what do to about my husband of 5 yrs. He has managed to create major debt. I am so tired of

Question

the phone ringing with debt collectors. We have separate checking accounts cos I knew he had a problem with $ when we got married.
He did better for awhile but he hasn't help me with bills and he's not paying his own bills. I am considering a separation. He is working but at a job that has his him traveling at times over 100 mi a day with no gas $. I've tried to get him to change jobs but he won't. My mom just had heart surgery and is staying with us so I won't to keep stress down as much as possible. This is my first marriage and I may be over reacting. What do you think?

When I married him he had a good job and was helping with the bills and out of debt. I don't know what he's spending it on now. I don't see him buying anything much, unless it's gas for his job.
I only mentioned this was my first marriage cos I was almost 40 and use to being on my own so I might not know what is just a normal part of being married. He is a pretty good husband other than this and I do love him. As far as lying in the bed I made I'm not sure that's smart advice. Just because someone makes a mistake doesn't mean they shouldn't change things if the other person is not willing to meet them half way.

Answer 1

I am reading that your main concern is the financial debt. I don't see any indication of any other troubles between you and your husband so I would assume otherwise your marriage is good.

Think about this... will he let you handle his money?

Unless you have a written contract seperating your debt than unfortunately because you are married this makes you equally responsible. Unless he can agree to either letting you handle the money or agree to sign a contract releasing you from his debt than I can't see an alternative to protecing yourself other than divorce. This doesn't mean you have to split up either... that is up to you but it will release you from his responsibilities.
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The guy above was correct about depending on your state that you can still be liable for his debts even after a divorce. However, and I may be wrong, once you have papers releasing you from the debt you may be able to get the creditors to release you as well.
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I'm not won to go around telling people they should get a divorce but if this is a huge concern of yours, and I believe it is, and he isn't willing to do anything to correct the problem it is best to do something now before he racks up more debt. You can always continue to work on the relationship after the divorce. In my opinion it is the committment in the heart that matters more than the one on paper.

Answer 2

"This is my first marriage" Lol, sorry but that just slayed me; only an American would come out with a phrase like that.

But I digress.

You knew what he was like when you married him, and yet you are complaining that he's still like this? Does he have money to help you with bills/to pay his own? Whatever his own may be...

What has he run up this debt on? Gambling? Shopping? Drugs?

You need to sit down with him and have a proper talk, tell him that things can't go on like this and if he doesn't make an effort to sort things out you're going to leave him. Insist he go to Gamblers Anon/AA/ whatever may sort out the problem. If he's run up the debt on credit cards, cut them up and take what you can back to the shop/sell it on ebay, whatever.

If you have an equivalent of Citizens Advice Bureaux in the US - where you can get legal, consumer and benefits advice for free - I'd have a word with them too, so they can tell you what your legal obligations are and perhaps suggest a way of dealing with the debt. They might be able to contact your creditors to get them off your back for a while. Take your husband along and hopefully a third party might be able to make him realise the seriousness of the situation and get him to commit to resolving it. Good luck.

Answer 3

The number 1 reason people get divorced: money.

Ideally, this is a problem that would have been solved at the beginning but heres is an idea. My wife isn't financially irresponsible but isn't the best, she racked up 3000 in credit card debt and had no saving despite a full-time job for 4 years. I had been in school for four years yet had no debt, owned my car and had a few thousand in savings. Our solution, i control the finances. We have a joint credit card so I can tell if her spending starts to creep up, I handle what we save. This works for us and it might work for you. Consolidate your debt and get joint checking and credit card and reign in your husbands spending.

Just an idea. FYI depending on your state, even if you divorce his debts are still your debts, regardless of what name the account was in or when the debt occurred.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you're going through this. Do you think he's got other issues like addictive behavior (gambling, drugs)? I don't think that you are overreacting.

How willing is he to work on this with you? If he's willing to work with you, you should sit down with him and work out a budget so that he can help you with joint bills and also make payments on his own. Best of luck and hope your Mom's doing well.

Answer 5

Please seek advise from credit counseling. It might be that they have to take over the bills and help you two come up with a budget and a means to pay the debts off. Also, they can negotiate with the people you owe and cancel the interest and other penalties he might have incurred for delinquencies. Your just as responsible (legally) for his debts as he is. I would definitely worry.

Answer 6

Money is the number one issue that couples fight about.

Get some financial counseling...in order for this to work you must both want things to change. If he does not see or does not believe there is a problem, he probably wont be open to suggestions.

If he is not open to suggestions........you may want to move on before he buries you financially.

Answer 7

The bit about the babies is ridiculous - is it better effective to convey babies contained in the international once you do not have a strong interest and strong occupation to pay for them? women people in strong jobs have babies on a daily basis. i imagine he's incredibly immature and, judging through the interest aspect, he extremely doen't comprehend a lot about the international and how people make "it" artwork on a daily basis. yet when he's not any longer even fascinated in naming the themes to work out if there's a fashion of adjusting them, and if he's continuously "authentic,", there is not any longer any aspect in excellent on in any respect, i'm afraid. i'm sorry, yet you'd be ok contained in the authentic.

Answer 8

Does not sound like you are over reacting to me...
Make a better choice of husbands next time...

Answer 9

Stick it out. You married him KNOWING he had money problems. Did you think marrying him would make the problem go away? You made your bed, now you gotta lay in it.

Answer 10

no, you are not over reacting, you have the right to be mad.