After six years of marriage I am so frustraded sexually and am starting to be attracted to other women.?

Question

I've been married for almost six years and have 2 beautiful girls. I'm 26 years old and am deeply in love w/my wife, but the sex is awfull and it does not change, there are always promises of change, but nothing, perhaps i'm being selfish, but I've recently started to become sexually attracted to other women and am afraid I will end up doing something I regret. Im having problems relating my emotional feelings for my wife w/my physical need of wanting better sex, am I wrong for this? I wish I knew.

Answer 1

You need to find a way to talk to your wife. You made a commit to her for better or worse and if the sex is the only problem you have you owe it to not only yourself and your wife but your girls as well. If you really love your family, you need to be a real man and deal with the problem and not break the vows you made. Why don't you take the initiative and plan romantic time together and create the atmosphere to try to make things better in bed. At least try it. You're definitely wrong if you go to someone else other than your wife. The grass may seem greener on the other side but keep in mind, it will still have to be mowed.

Answer 2

Now I am going to talk from my own values and morals here, but I hope it does help.
It is good you are concerned about this. You have hit danger zone. The best thing to do now is to STOP. Stop this thinking
of wanting to go to someone else to satisfy your desires.

Sadly, yes, this does happen in many marriages. It is very normal unfortunately.. But there is hope!!! Lots of hope.

You have two beautiful girls, obviously they would keep your very busy and then there is the normal everyday activities, going to work, coming home, having dinner, helping kids, paying bills.
All these things can put a damper on your marriage and romance.
But...it's now time for some change.

Firstly, you have to tell your wife what you are telling us. No - not the bit about other women - NOT THIS!! But that you miss the way things used to be. Be very, very sensitive and loving and don't blame the other person.
Make "I" statements - not "You" statements.

Remember, a woman has to be courted all over again. Think back to your courting days. What did you do for your wife?
Did you buy her flowers? Did you dress extra nice or use
after-shave.

A woman isnt' a machine that can be switched "on and off" sexually. She needs Love....and tonnes of it.
A man gives love for sex and a woman gives sex for Love.

Try buying her some flowers from time to time or perfume or encourage her to get some sexy lingerie.
Ask your friends/family to mind your girls and take her out on a romantic dinner.

Changing partners will not help your sex life!!!!
Romance may due the trick!! Loving your wife in the way she was accustomed to when you first met her.

Try flirting with her more often or just kissing her gently - out of the blue. You have to work on this area of your marriage before the sex can change.
If you love her, and I would say you do........let her know this!!
And do it by the things I have just said.
Helping her around the house is also a good way of expressing your love.
Give her compliments or offer to let her have her hair/nails done - splurge on her!!!

What will happen if you don't!! Look at the big picture.
1) You could possibly lose your marriage
2) Losing custody of your children or seeing them on w/ends.
3) Catching a sexual disease.
4) Breaking your own heart and hers and that of your children.
5) Divorce is messy and has long-term, heartbreaking affects.

Sometimes it CAN be a physical/health matter. Both get some check ups done with your local dr. It is amazing how physical health can affect our moods and sex life so much.

This marriage is worth SAVING!!!

You could even try reading some good books at your local library. NOT pornographic ones - ones that concentrate on your relationship and not just the physical side.

Think back to your courting days.

Remember a woman loves romance and being wooed - this
will do incredible things for her and her response to you will be amazing.
Remember, this isnt' going to happen overnight.
Be patient, be very patient.
Work on it. And work some more.
It's worth it and I will tell you - you will have an incredible sex life with the woman YOU LOVE!!!
Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Ok, I will try to be as honest as I can...here's what I think. Your wife may not enjoy sex. She probably has been faking for so long and now that she has 2 little kids it's just not worth the effort to get continually disappointed. She may tell you that you are the best lover in the world.....but I can speak from experience - she is probably faking. Men get turned on visually.... that's why porn and strippers are popular. Woman need romance and touch. 30 seconds of kissing, 30 seconds of oral and 30 seconds of sex and you are all done and patting yourself on the back....and she has barely started. You need to get her more interested and take more time. After she hits about 35 or so she won't be able to get enough.....start at the top and work your wayt down - slowly. did you know you can make a woman climax just with great teasing? don't follow porns. those are for guys.

Answer 4

I wish I knew what you meant by awful sex......but it sounds like she may have an hormonal imbalance. If she is low on estrogen she may have a very low sex drive. The higher the estrogen the better the sex drive, the lower the estrogen the lower the sex drive. Maybe she feels your sex is awful too. You really both should seek counseling and then have her check with a gynecologist to see if her hormones are at a good level. I wish you the best of luck, love can conquer anything.

Answer 5

Sex alone will NOT drive you to cheat.
However, making promises and then not fulfilling them sounds bad. Is it only with sex or in other areas too?

You have 2 girls, sounds like you've been together for a while. Go see a counselor for marriage tune up. Maybe you can get a referral to sex-therapist. What do you have to lose? Oh-Yeah your marriage. There is a problem fix it before it gets worse.

Answer 6

No you are not wrong for starting to notice other women. Sexuality is a human need--it is a way to connect with someone and in marriage, it can cultivate intimacy. But please do not be unfaithful--that has never been the solution. Please seek therapy. I would also recommend you check out some books on the subject. I don't know--but perhaps your wife's past has something to do w/this. I would encourage professional help and guidance. Best wishes to you--and I applaud your patience and faithfulness.

Answer 7

Remember what attracted you to your wife in the first place. Think about how close you are to her, that is often the most arousing thing about marriage.

Talk to her about your problem. Don't criticize her, just be open and honest. Encourage her to do more things together with you. Renew your feelings for each other, just do activities you don't usually do anymore now that you have kids. Try new things sexually.

Answer 8

Well what do you want your wife to do for you ? what do you do for her to get her going ? maybe your wife is just a nice Girl next door type whom never had many boyfriends and not that many sexual experiences that perhaps you are dreaming of, lots of men and women like going downstairs ( is this what you are after) also lots of men like their wives and Girlfriends to give them some a.s.s ( putting it bluntly) and lots of women hate it too, SO! you have to discover what your wife likes doing and also does NOT like doing and whatever it is you have to accept it, maybe just maybe it turns out that she feels a little pressured by you right now so things get WORSE ! sex with someone else wont cut it now will it ? You have to give her a big hug and talk about it!

Answer 9

Go to the book store pick up The proper care and feeding of husbands, read it, then give it to your wife to read, after that Go back to the Book store, get Camasutra, the illistrated version if you wish. Bring it home, send the kids to a friends house for the night and see what you two can come up with.

Answer 10

Maybe she's tired. Have YOU tried to take initiative in this to organize things that wouldn't make the sex "boring" in your opinion? She can't do all of the work! And you're wrong if you go to another woman and break up your family just for sex.