For those of you who have filed for divorce while living with your spouse, did you break the news to them prior to the sheriff serving the papers to the house?
I'm unsure whether I should tell my husband he's about to get served, or just let it happen. My concern is about our kids. I would like my husband and I to sit down and talk with them together. I don't want them to be present when he gets served, as it could cause a big mess if they don't know about it.
This has got to be the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.
2006-10-18 08:29:39 · 11 answers · asked by MaknMeCrzy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY, PLEASE
THIS IS SOMETHING MY HUSBAND AND I UNDOUBTEDLY KNEW WAS INEVITABLE, SO HE WON'T BE TOTALLY SHOCKED
2006-10-18 08:37:23 · update #1
With the exception of a physically abusive husband... you HAVE to tell him before the papers arrive. That is only respectful of your relationship. He can't stop the papers anyway.
Sorry but,
The 'hard' way is almost always the 'right' way.
And you will feel a lot better doing it that way. I am sure if there is no love for him now, there once was. Remember that when thinking about how to treat him even now... you have children together after all. Keep the lines of communication open. It is going to be very important in the future for your children's sake.
2006-10-18 08:36:06 · answer #1 · answered by David M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I told my husband I was leaving, I did it in front of my therapist (on her advice). Do NOT be alone with him when the papers are served. If you want to tell him prior to the sheriff coming, then be sure someone else is there (not the kids).
Even though you think he won't be violent, he could blow up and do something. It is a very hard thing, but needs to be done. Please make sure you have a support system in place because until the legalities are final, it's going to be rough.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
2006-10-18 17:38:47 · answer #2 · answered by Countess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I followed my attorneys advice and it seemed kinda rude but I did it and I was glad I did cause every dirty thing he tried to do I already covered my butt against , due to listening to the heartless bottomfeeder who has seen and heard it all a million times before ask your attorney how is the best way to do this, for example taking out almost all the money out of your joint account, opening a new one for yourself, having a copy of all your personal important documents and clothes and supplies for the week somewhere else, changing the locks, destroying all nude photos of yourself he may have access too ,et cetera the list is pretty long you must make sure all your bases are covered then just look him in the eye and tell him it is over you want a divorce you have an attorney and expect to be served
2006-10-18 17:52:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may ease the blow a bit if you talk to him ahead of time. He may explode if he gets served and has no idea it is coming. If you tell him ahead, he may be able to cool off and talk to the kids with you, but if he's hit with no warning he might feel so betrayed by you that he doesn't want to be near you creating an even worse situation for the kids.
2006-10-18 15:33:29 · answer #4 · answered by PRL8268 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may not be shocked, but you can't be sure of HOW he will act or conduct himself if you and your children are still living in the home. I would get out first - even just to spare you and the kids from the dramatics. Make your plans and then get out. Make sure your attorney knows that you will be leaving the family home, but that you do not intend to give up your rights to it, you just feel unsafe staying under the circumstances.
2006-10-18 15:50:15 · answer #5 · answered by Dovie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I'm suprised the judge even let the paperwork through without you two having a trial separation.
You should definately tell him that you want a divorce, but be ready to move out if need to.
2006-10-18 15:36:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have filed. It is kinder. However, if you think he will be violent, do this in a safe place. It is difficult, but so is staying in a bad marriage. After you have told him, give it some time to sink in, he won't be ready to talk to the kids right away.
2006-10-18 15:35:39 · answer #7 · answered by redplanet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I told him in advance. He was on a bussiness trip and I call him there. I told him calmly that lifes is too short to be miserable and that I was not happy and that I know that he wasn't happy either. I then told him that I wanted a divorce and that I already sought a lawyer. It was hard to say "I want a divorce", no one wants to admit that their marriage has failed.
Telling him in advance avoided unpleasant surprises and bitter confrontations.
Be strong, you can do it too.
Good luck
2006-10-18 15:37:07 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then tell him and quit pussyfooting around. You aren't doing it because you haven't the nerve. Get it over with for Chrissakes.
2006-10-18 15:47:44 · answer #9 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No matter what happened.....you have children and owe him the decency of telling him before he is served!!!
2006-10-18 15:35:41 · answer #10 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋