There is a battle for everyone,
More important than any war.
Will you keep yourself inside you,
When you walk among the others.
The war breaks out and ask yourself,
What are you fighting for?
Does that bomb fight for what you believe,
Or were you forced by the others?
What have you gained from another war,
Nothing but more deaths.
You turn back home, not with yourself,
Only with the others.
Who are the others, who are they,
to shoot for no real aim.
Their only aim is killing souls,
And killing one another.
2006-10-18 08:19:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
hmm...really good!! did u wrote it all by urself?? nice job!
2006-10-18 08:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you think you have a free country? War is not good but is been going on for 5000 years. Greed, I and Me, Hate, Try the Ten Commandments, if eveyone lived by those 10 ideas, thier wouldn't be any wars but a lot more souls.
2006-10-18 09:02:03 · answer #2 · answered by GYM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure if the poem is finished. You left me sort of hanging there with questions that are unanswered, and the original battle seems far more symbolic than just diving in and joining the "war" going on outside of us.
2006-10-18 08:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by jennybeanses 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
spend a little more time on the rhythm and flow of it, and you've got a great start! Make each line blend. There's just too much chop, but I love the initial effort. Think of it like a sketch.
2006-10-18 08:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by Kaosmunki 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm not gonna lie - i don't like it. it doesn't have a good flow to it. the subject is so common, that in order to stand out, yours needed to BE outstanding. It's also unclear and I'm not a fan of confusing poetry. but keep it, b/c i've also seen a LOT worse. best of luck.
2006-10-18 08:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by beckray 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your poem has a deep meaning- waging a war within oneself. i also like the way in which you express yourself. if you wrote it yourself, then i'd like to commend you on putting such thoughts into poetry. yes, i definitely like your poem rather, i like the thoughts behind it. keep writing(:
2006-10-18 08:26:54 · answer #6 · answered by pioneer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much on poems, but ya, yours is pretty good.
2006-10-18 08:28:48 · answer #7 · answered by QUANACATAUG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't especially like poems that don't rhyme... So i give you 1 kudos. ^^
I think it had good thought put into it.
2006-10-18 08:28:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i didnt read ir srryyyyy
now i did i feel bad
2006-10-18 09:02:02 · answer #9 · answered by ;p 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice, ......what does it mean?
2006-10-18 08:25:37 · answer #10 · answered by Dean B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋