We live in separate cities-he accepted a job out of town without discussing it with me. He does not like for me to ask who the phone calls are from or who they are to. Also, he thinks it is crazy that I want to talk nightly. We have been married for 7 years. Is there something fishy going on? He says that he would NEVER cheat on me. His last girl cheated on him and he said that he would never want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone. I know he goes out to lunch with his female co-works and on business trips. I only ask that it is NOT a lunch or trip alone with a co-worker...what do you think?
2006-10-18 08:11:57 · 46 answers · asked by boxley4404 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds fishy
2006-10-18 08:13:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You live in seperate cities and your married?? He took a job out of town and didn't discuss it with you? Are you nuts?? Wake up and smell the java. HE'S SCREWING SOMEONE ELSE. Don't believe that bull about not wanting to inflict that pain on someone else..most times they do (even if subconciously) want to inflict that pain on someone else. Kind of like "so there, I'm not the only fool now..I turned you into one too". He sounds very SELFISH and ignorant. I'd divorce his as.s and not waste time with him. And why can't he talk every night? Seems the least he can do since he's not even living with you. Maybe because he's out banging some broad and can't answer the phone. Sorry hun but you gotta get rid of this a.sshole! It sounds like the marraige is already over. And don't waste too much more time. You deserve better then him!!! If you have any doubts hire a Private Detective. If the private detective finds that he's messing around you will have the proof needed to divorce his pathetic cheating @ss and get EVERYTHING!!
2006-10-18 08:19:35 · answer #2 · answered by Johnny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...several thoughts.
First, I don't think you should monitor his phone log. Don't you trust him? If not, I'd ask "why not"?.
Taking a new job w/o discussing it first? That's a bit odd, but doesn't mean he's cheating....but I'd be concerned about what else it may mean (e.g. he's selfish, he doesn't treat you like a partner, etc.).
Not talking nightly....yeah, that sounds strange. I travel for business and phone home daily, sometimes multiple times.
Lunch / trips with female co-workers....it's just lunch. I was on a trip a couple of years ago with a female co worker, she and I went to a baseball game (just the two of us) and my wife freaked. She made it cause lots of problems, and in my opinion it was just a stupid baseball game.
Hope those random thoughts help.
2006-10-18 08:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He either has something to hide or he feels like you don't trust him. It would be pretty hard to understand why he wouldn't feel comfortable answering any and every question you have just to put your mind at ease.
I think its time for you to move out there with him or figure out what the problem is in the marriage.
I hate to tell you this but after 7 years of being married, partners don't just up and do something that major without discussing it with the other partner. Of course, unless he's got something to hide.
You should do a suprise visit and see what he's up to. Then you need to sort out some of the issues you are feeling and be straight with him why you are insecure and having these feelings.
He should have no problem being open and honest with you if he has nothing to hide.
Good Luck!
2006-10-18 08:29:39 · answer #4 · answered by Older Sister 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im no professional.... but i think you are right! First off- you are married and major decisions should be discussed... you are a team now!! Second... i strongly believe in gut feelings and intuition- ive had my share and they are right. You dont trust him for a reason... or youre suspicious in a way or you wouldnt be so curious. obviously he is not being too cool with it- because he should ease your mind by calling you at night- or at least everyday... you're his WIFE!!! I dont think you can change him though if thats how he is. If you tell him how you feel and he doesnt do anything about it- to ease your mind- then its up to you to decide if you can handle it. I had a similar situation after 5 yrs marriage- now we are almost divorced a year later. He wanted it- and hw didnt even want to try counseling. I NEVER thought we would split. Money changed him, then he started talkin to his ex- blah blah. I found that out thru his phone . I knew something wasnt right. Anyway.... two sides to every story- but, this doesnt sound like a healthy marriage. Communication and honesty first- dont forget.If u guys cant communicate.... not good. Well- you are not goin crazy- that would bother the crap outta me too!! Hope everything works out for you..! :) Stay strong.
2006-10-18 08:26:32 · answer #5 · answered by skygirlchristine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's one of two things. Either he doesn't like that you are showing a lack of trust by asking such questions, or, he can't be trusted.
After 7 years he took a job in another city and you live separate lives,.......without a discussion?
Is this job something that will make you both rich in a short time and then he can come back and have lots of time with the family? If not, Hubby wants out.
2006-10-18 08:26:15 · answer #6 · answered by Cinderella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I unfortunately think that your guy sounds like a flake.
Okay, the not talking nightly thing, I can understand that.
The taking a job out of town without talking to you, doesn't soun like much of a marriage.
They all say they would NEVER cheat ... that is what they are supposed to say.
I think that if you are this suspicious and you have been married for this long, it is very possible that something is going on.
2006-10-18 08:19:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry it does sound suspicious to me , if you've been married for 7 years and he decided to take an out of town gig without talking to you first , he probably wants to be closer to someone he met there. I don't have the answer, however you should know as a woman what your gut feelings are telling you. I say pick yourself up and dump his sorry a**, if you have kids together it will be tough but don't subject your children to this kind of behavior he is showing you , they might turn out to do the same. Good luck
2006-10-18 08:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by stephanie k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he doesn't want to be checked up on and wants you to trust him ... but he's not being very nice about it ... the idea that he took a job out of town sounds fishy ... and the fact that he's secretive does too ... i'm not sure he's cheating but he may be living the "single" life there to see if he really wants to be married ...
I agree no lunch "trips" alone w/ female co-workers but sometimes this is unavoidable ...
I would try talking about moving to where he works and you'll probably get your answer there ... if he's for it than great but if he makes excuses than i would be worried.
2006-10-18 08:16:36 · answer #9 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds somewhat fishy. He shouldn't mind telling you who's #'s are on his phone if he has nothing to hide. I could see him being somewhat annoyed if you were asking him every time you talked to him, but again, since he's away most of the time he should be more understanding of your feelings. Why did he accept a job out of town, and why haven't you moved to be with him? The whole relationship sounds a little off to me.
2006-10-18 08:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is definately going on there. I've been married for three years, and have never cheated on hmy wife. But let me tell you, If a man is alone with another women, who has intentions, it's gonna happen. especially if he hasn't had "any" in quite a while. I've been in a smilar situation, but i got myself out of it right away. If he has no intentions, then he wouldn't be so irritated about you being curious.
My advice is to hire an investigator. It might make you look insecure, but come on, if you have enough reason to ask this question, then you have enough reason to invesigate.
2006-10-18 08:21:00 · answer #11 · answered by Kings Fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋