Hi there. My wife has episodes where she just starts crying? Is this a mood disorder? We are newlyweds?

Question

Hi. I am really concerned about my relationship with my wife. We are newlyweds who got married in July but since we been married sometimes she just starts crying or gets angry at me for no reason. One minute we are laughing and joking and another minute she will just switch personalities or get upset at me. Her father died about 4 years ago. He was murdered. She still has trauma from that and she claims when she gets really sad or angry its because she thinks about her father. She still has a lot of issues with his death as anyone would whose father was killed. But she takes her anger out on me and says I am selfish when I ask her to go into counseling. She says I want her to do it so I wont have to put up with her mood swings and its not cause I really want her to get better. That could not be farther from the truth. I really do love her and I want our relationship to work and am doing everything I can but I just dont know how long I can go with these episodes. Can anyone help me?

Answer 1

I would say sit down and talk to her like the marriage couple you are.When you got married you got married for better or worse.She has to understand that she needs help and that you are just trying to help her because you love her, and care for her allot.I hope everything works out.

Answer 2

You seem to be a considerate, caring and loving husband. There are not many of those left. Good for you!

She definetly have issues related to her traumas. How old is she? She exhibit several pathologies associated with numerous conditions, but only a trained professional can properly diagnose her.

Some of the disorders that she might have are:

Post traumatic Stress Disorder
Depression
Anxiety
Bipolar personality disorder
Borderline personality Disorder
Multiple personality Disorder

People with psycological problems will not admit that they have a problem. If she continues with this corrosive behaviour, your relationship could be in danger. Help her without any judgements. There are several self-help books to help you cope and understand how to deal with loved ones with psycological problems.

You should talk to her in a non-accusatory manner and tell her calmly that your would like to seek marriage conseling TOGETHER, that would keep the pressure off of her and you can get involved too into fixing and understanding the problem as well as breaking the vivious cycle of bitter fights and unexplainable grudges.

Tell her that you don't know how to deal with this and that you love her and would like for this anguish to stop. tell her that all you want to do is to be happy and make her happy and her crying is making you think that is your fault for making her unhappy.

The first year of marriage is adjusting to the changes in your life and learning to live with another person. Newlyweds must learn to adjust to the new realities and responsabilities of married life and leave home. I'm assuming that she is still very young and perhaps she is just inmature and perhaps homesick.

Good luck

Answer 3

Another thing that might be a factor- did she start taking the birth control pill (or the patch, or the ring) for the first time shortly before the wedding?

Hormonal birth control can sometimes cause severe emotional disturbances (the Pill did for me), which could be the chemical "straw that broke the camel's back" for her. Some people are really embarassed by the idea of seeing a counselor, so she might be more open to the idea that the birth control she's taking is really what's making things worse. Now, getting the chemicals more straight won't fix everything, but it might help to get her into a more rational frame of mind where she'll consider the idea of counseling....

Answer 4

I don't find that very unusual. I have had experience with mood swings. I can't tell you how to resolve your problem but let me cut and paste something I wrote for depression/anxiety... some of this advice should alleviate some stress on your wife's system, and that in turn should reduce the mood swings. The body is complex and the reasons to live a healthy lifestyle are too many and too small to talk about individually, but when all the small factors are taken together it is worthwhile. The following is copied from earlier writing:
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anyone who is depressive should take a good multivitamin most days with a meal. while you are at it take a calcium-magnesium-zinc pill. I won't go in to detail here about why. just do it, it's not that expensive. also, get lots of beneficial fatty acids - the omega 3-6-9 stuff. you could take flaxseed oil and fish oil pills or eat lots and lots of olive oil. do shots of it. mmmmm.

then try getting lots of sunlight. get some vigorous cardiovascular exercise as often as you can. practise good posture and learn a little about basic yoga postures and t'ai chi warmups.

eat a varied very high protein, high fiber diet low in saturated fats and refined carbs. shun additives and preservatives. you want whole foods, not overcooked. eat green or colourful vegetables. eat tree nuts,eat fish, eat more fish, the more nutritious fruits (berries), herbs, and some WHOLE grains. don't eat sweets or drink sweet/sour drinks. instead eat fruit. diet really really really matters. it has a slow cumulative effect.

stay hydrated. this can be a matter of simply avoiding certain foods that dehydrate you. try to get plenty of regular, restful sleep.

that's all that comes to mind. you might wanna check if you notice any effect from ginseng pills. watch the caffeine, especially late in the day. good luck.
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Hope that helps... some people say no ginseng for women, but i've no reason to say either way.. for mood swings I say it is worth a careful try. You should study human metabolism... blood sugar has a dramatic effect on mood but as it is regulated inside the body, you must control it holistically with a balanced diet approach. Also, some of these over-the-counter minerals, amino acids, and herbs like cinnamon can be helpful if you do your research first.

Answer 5

I think your wife needs to be seen by a doctor. There are a number of reasons she could be having mood swings such as early menopause or bad PMT or severe depression and she needs to be evaluated by a professional. It sounds a little like post traumatic stress syndrome to me but as I said she should be seen. Sit down and talk to her calmly and explain things to her just as you did here and make an appointment and take her to the doctors. The sooner the she goes the sooner she can be treated. It might even be something simple so dont put it off.

Answer 6

I'm not a doctor, but I've known several people who are bi-polar. If she has high moments one day and then terrible down moments (depression or anger), she could be bi-polar. A doctor can prescribe medication for this, and it really could help her. You're right about her getting counseling, she needs to get the emotions out she's feeling about her father. Hang in there, and good luck.

Answer 7

First, You are not being selfish. Maybe your should find a counselor that maybe you both can go or try to find a counselor who you can talk to first then ask the counselor for any suggestions. Keep telling her that you love her and you want your marriage to survive. She needs to get help, because most marriages do not survive the first five years when there is a lot of stress.

Answer 8

First of all you have every right to want her to go to counseling as much for yourself as for her. You don't deserve to live like you have been. Mention therapy for both of you. Marriage counseling etc. If she refuses... Get counseling for yourself so you will have the skills to deal with whats happening and some sort of emotional support. She could have a multitude of emotional disorders. Bi polar ...depression etc etc. The point is ...you deserve to be happy as much as she does. You have a responsibility to take care of yourself and she has the same responsibility to take care of herself. This is something you had better face now before you decide to have a family or move forward in your marriage.

Answer 9

It could be from depression and it sounds like she has good reason to be depressed. Try to talk to her about talking to her doctor before you push her to seeing a psychiatrist. Major depression is a common illness and can be treated. And if it's not depression then the doctor might direct her to the help she needs. All you can really do is be supportive and loving. Stick it out if you really love her and just be there for her. Good Luck.

Answer 10

When one get trumatise this person will be very sensitive to little details. Thus she might be happy now, later might be sad. She have not get thru it yet. When you ask her to go for counselling she get angry cause she still can't come to terms. Sometimes it hard for one to express feel thru words. Thus you got to be strong and believe that counselling will work. You need lots of patience as she will be hard to handle. You need to talk to her very often, you need to know what is going on in her head. Bring her out for walks and exercise. Get professional help... seek their advice.....