A few weeks ago I got stupid and sent my husband a "purity test"...the kind that sends all of his answers to your email without his knowledge. I felt kind've bad for it but, oh well, I thought it would be just funny. It kind've backfired (which I probably deserved for tricking him)...Here are his answers to number 123 and 124 on the test.
123. Have you cheated on your current mate by kissing someone else? Yes
124. Have you cheated on your current mate by having sex with someone else? Yes
I guess I asked for it...well, I asked to find out this way...I didn't ask to be cheated on...as of now I haven't said anything to him though. What would you do?
2006-10-18 08:08:03 · 18 answers · asked by just me 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Say nothing. To be quite frank you're correct that in doing this you deserved it. I have to say that you seem to be handling it well and I suspect that its because you are not a dope, not the hysterical type and you realize what you've done.
I would say nothing, make no mention of it and if you do then you are wrong. Sorry. I can tell you that I am not the type who believes that a spouse should keep anything from his wife however there are some things that are done out of stupidity (as you have now experienced) or in an emotional state that is deeply regretted afterwards. ther was never any reason to doubt his infidelity before and apparently you have not seen any reason since until perhaps this. Even then...you may be looking for something that just isn't there.
You would be wise to avoid this entirely. In fact...you should just act as though it never happened. asier said then done I know but madam...sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.
2006-10-18 08:18:19 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, I don't know what to say. It really did backfire didn't it. But what it boils down to is that you have unexpectedly found out that he has in fact cheated on you. You need to decide what YOU want to do. Can you go on living with him and trust him still, knowing what you know? Is there any hope for your marriage if you tell him what you've found out? It seems to me you will need to decide whether to say nothing and hope for the best, maybe try to forget it, or even convince yourself he wasn't telling the truth with these answers, or confront him and try to work it out, or lastly, end the marriage because of it. I think the first thing you should definitely do is go and have some tests done to make sure he hasn't given you any nasty infections. And maybe say nothing to him until you have the results, since if any is positive, that will add to the evidence you have that he's been cheating. I don't think you should sleep with him either until you have the results of those tests and you've decided what to do.
Good luck.
2006-10-18 08:14:46 · answer #2 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By you not saying anything to him yet gives you an upper hand I think. Meaning if you do choose to talk to him about this you have a level head right now and not acting or reacting based on emotions. The man who said that who's to say he didn't do that on purpose to jack with you might have it right. Make no accusations if you plan on discussing this with him.
Can you live with not knowing now that you've been given this nugget of information? I don't think I could.
I think I would plan out my discussion with him with all possible outcomes (including the one that if he did it, it was with a close friend or relative) act out how you are going to react in your mind and see if you can calm it down a little if you are in hysterics. If you maintain a level head you are ahead in the game. If you threaten, be prepared that he will call your bluff and stand your ground.
Good luck. I'm sorry this backfired on you, I hope he was joking with you and this all can be something funny you tell your teenage daughter when she is going through relationship turmoil.
2006-10-18 08:34:57 · answer #3 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you found out. You need to decide what you need to do. How you feel about it. As for those who say he probably knew it was you and just joking or whatever, Get real, who in any way shape or form would think, ohhhh, good idea lets make her think I'm cheating. If he said he did he did. I would leave but then I refuse to have a marriage to someone who would cheat no matter the time or reason.
2006-10-18 08:33:18 · answer #4 · answered by Mitzi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to him, but beware he may come back at you with the fact you were checking up on him. He might say that he knew it all along. Most people who really have affairs, I think , are very reluctant to talk about it while it is going on. Maybe, this is something that he did a while back and has much regret now. Either way, you aren't gonna get any answers until you talk about it. Hey you wanted to know.....now you do! I hope it all works out.
2006-10-18 08:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who says he read the question right?
I've seen tests like this and the question usually written "Have you EVER cheated on A mate by ..."
BTW, it could of been BEFORE you were married and could of been "the fling" that told him you were is one and only.
2006-10-18 08:27:20 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Murder-suicide?
2006-10-18 08:09:26 · answer #7 · answered by Dan w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truth is you probably sent him that test because your gut felt something was not right. I would save that e-mail and apply for a divorce.
2006-10-18 08:11:56 · answer #8 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say the word on the street is your cheating now get your stuff and OUT you go!!
2006-10-18 08:10:37 · answer #9 · answered by Sandra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bring the subject up and ask him if he has. Get him to confess by asking questions about who he would go with if you wernt there etc. Now you know the truth use the information.
2006-10-18 08:10:12 · answer #10 · answered by smutmonkey71 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋