Im 20 yrs old, i live with my parents they are very over protective. I have a BF adn we plan to get married but he lives in north carolina now and i live in oregon. My parents will not allow for me to go with him they say its not right, But we really care for each other and i am tired of being afraid of what my parents will say or do. so my question will be how can i tell my parents that i want to get married and move to North Carolina with my boyfrined?
2006-10-18 07:43:56 · 17 answers · asked by erika d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Is it "not right" to be with him in general, to marry him, to live in North Carolina, or to live in North Carolina with him before you're married?
My parents and my husband's parents would not have approved of us moving in together before we got married, and we respected that. Announce to them that you're engaged, you're getting married on such date, and at that time you'll be moving to North Carolina. Or, you're moving to North Carolina to your own apartment (this eases parents' minds about safety as well as morality), and after approximately this much time you will be getting married and he will move to your apartment with you.
Be certain of what you're doing, put a budget together, research the job and rental market where you're going. (I had an hour-long talk with my parents when I came home with a new car one day un-announced. Once I went over my budget with them, including insurance, car payment, and how much I wasn't paying to repair my old car, they congratulated me. I just had to be honest and prepared.)
2006-10-18 07:53:35 · answer #1 · answered by calliope320 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a lecture from one 20 year old to another.
U are leagally a aldult. Granted u can't drink yet but it's your life. If he's not controling, or manipulative then do what u want. As for the parents talk to them about it. Ask them why they don't like this guy. Don't just asume they are being overpretective right away. Good luck with the wedding hope I don't hear u're parents kidnapped u for the day on the Today show.
Also the fact that u are 20 factors in. In there eyes 20 is too young to get married. Theres the whole married too young leads to divorce too thing.
2006-10-18 14:49:29 · answer #2 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are over 18 and, therefore, legally an adult. Your parents have no right to (legally) prevent you from moving or marrying as you are beyond the age of consent. However, I do not know your financial situation or how solid your relationship is with the boyfriend. At 20 years old, although an adult, you are still very young and have a lot to learn about love and life. Are you financially stable - meaning do you pay your own way and have job prospects in North Carolina? Does your boyfriend have the means to support himself and possibly you? Are mom and dad paying for everything in your life right now? Are you willing to possibly alienate yourself from your family forever if you go against their wishes? It's very possible that they truly are looking out for your best interests or they could be acting unreasonably. I say, sit down and talk about it. You need to figure out a lot of things and you need to have a serious set of talks with your parents. They need to hear your concerns and you need to open-mindedly listen to theirs. If you cannot muster up the courage to talk to them at your age, you are probably not emotionally mature enough to move across the country on your own. This is a big decision. Please take the time and effort to think it through. This is not a time for impulsive action you may regret later. I hope things work out for the best.
2006-10-18 15:02:24 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them. You are legal age where you are responsible for making your own decisions (and living with the consequences).
Can you afford to move to North Carolina?
Do you have a job waiting in North Carolina?
Can the two of you afford to get married now?
THose are just the tip of the iceberg of questions that you need to ask yourself before you make any rash decisions.
Good Luck
2006-10-18 14:49:14 · answer #4 · answered by cyrenaica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents just don't want you to make any mistakes but you have to make some to live a life and know what not to do again. 20 yrs old is young for marriage, just my opinion. If you are going to do it. Sit them down and talk to them like you are an adult. Let them know how you feel and what your intention are with this guy. Just make sure when you move to NC that you are going to be doing something with your life not just sitting in the house playing house wife.
2006-10-18 14:50:03 · answer #5 · answered by fiestylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are more experienced than you and they realize that current environment needs supervision and protection. Most of the people will advise that you leave them. But you live with them its good for you and for them as well. Be sure they will nnever ever wish or like any thing bad for you.
Therefore home (with parents) is the best place to live. You cant find any one more well wisher than parents.
You can consult your parents about marraige and they are best people to be consulted on this issue, as this a life long contract and one must think again and again and consult elders before taking this step.
2006-10-18 14:54:22 · answer #6 · answered by MY Regards to All 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious they doubt your ability to take care of yourself.
Are you responsible? Do you work hard? Are you dedicated?
How's your credit? Do you have some cash in savings?
If you're 20, there's nothing 'legally' keeping you at home. You can do whatever you wish...but you have to take care of your own business.
If you're financially capable of being independent, get your own apartment in town, so your folks can come over and visit and see how capable you are.
Then, once you decide to relocate across the country, they'll know you're at least responsible enough to handle yourself.
Earn their respect and trust by taking care of yourself and your personal business - especially finances, and they'll see you as an independent adult instead of a dependent child.
Demanding their respect will cause issues. Earning it will build bridges.
2006-10-18 14:52:42 · answer #7 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you or your parents met this guy from NC? I think the only way to ease their mind would be to have your b/f introduce himself in person and show them that he is responsible/mature enough to look after their daughter. As annoying or frustrating as it may be they only have your best interest at heart but going against their wishes with hostility would only make the situation worse. Find a compromise with your parents, the key thing is communication. Good luck.
2006-10-18 14:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by darkness_returns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your parents that you need some space and want to experience living on your own. Remind them that if they dont let you move on NOW, that you might be there forever. Trust me they will help you move out.
2006-10-18 14:47:09 · answer #9 · answered by Cassey L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you are twenty years old, finally old enough to care for yourself. your parents can't tell you what to do anymore...or, they can, but you don't have to obey that. they have to stand down. don't submit to any guilt...parents are great at putting guilt out there. you should tell them,
"Look, Ma, Dad, i'm twenty years old. i'm a big girl,
and i can make my own decisions. i have decided to move out, and marry _________________. this is my decision, and i stand by it. the next move is up to you...do you stand by me?"
This puts the ball in their court, and gives you control. they will probably object, but that's when you know that their opinions end and your influence reigns. move out. you told them, you issued the warning. it's not your liability when they can't support you. good luck. email me if you would like any other advice.
2006-10-18 14:49:42 · answer #10 · answered by Luv Docta Jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋