I don't know what is wrong with me. Last July, my baby boy was stillborn and I'm still heartbroken. I would never want to try to replace him and he always has a special place in my heart. My husband and I were thinking about trying again around Christmas but now I don't think it would be a good idea. We are having financial issues (steming from when I was unable to work after the stillbirth) but besides that, my husband lies to me incessantly and it really hurts. But for whatever stupid reason, I forgive him but this time we are going to counseling.
My question is...why after all this crap that's gone on, do I still want to try to have another baby??
I have another job and I'm starting to get caught back up on my bills. My husband and I are getting help dealing with his lies. It's SO not a good time for a baby and I know that. But part of me still wants to try and I find it hard to tell my husband I don't want to but in actuality I really do. What should I do?
2006-10-18 07:43:37 · 11 answers · asked by Chi1linVi1lain 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
I dont think I can leave him...he's begged me to stay and go to couseling with him. That way he can give an accurate portrayal of what his lies are doing to the people around him. He is afraid if he goes by himself...he will lie about his problems. He asked me to stay so we can go together and work things out. We have a one year old little girl...leaving him would not be an easy thing to do
2006-10-18 07:44:08 · update #1
First off I am truly sorry for your loss.Second,you must feel alone with your not being able to trust your husband and tell him how you feel. I say to see how counseling goes, if all goes well and things get better then try to have another baby ,but to bring an infant into an unstable home at this time would be selfish. I don't mean to sound harsh. You have to think about how this situation is affecting the child you do have. She may be only 1 but she can sense the unease in your house. As far as you really wanting another baby.It has to do with your arms and your heart. think about it, nine months of pregnancy, all we think about is holding and loving that baby. If you held your baby after birth that was just a short time, you never fulfilled your need. Your arms and heart want that so bad. if you haven't truly got over it then the counseling may help you both to deal with your loss and grief. I truly pray you find the strength you need to leave this man if you have to and if you stay then the strength to find happiness in what you have at the moment and wait till the right time to bring another child into your life.May God Bless You. I will pray for you and for your marriage.You have touched my heart.
2006-10-18 08:03:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a strong yearning for another baby, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to have that baby right now. I think in some part you would like to be distracted from the problems that are happening in your life right now, and a lot of times it's true, for a while, a new exciting thing like a baby would distract you and possibly improve your relatyionship with your husband for a while...but it would not be a real fix, and you would just go back to the same problems in time, only now with more responsibilities and people dependent on you than before.
Focus for now on the people who are there RIGHT NOW. your 1 year old needs you! , your self needs you!, and your husband all need you to be there NOW, not dreaming about somebody else who hasn't even come into existence yet. In time, you will have another. It doesn't have to be RIGHT NOW. love yourself.
2006-10-18 08:06:43 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your desire for a baby stems from the lack of love you are recieving from your hubby. I'm sorry for your dificulties, trust me love, we all go through them. I believe that a relationship between husband and wife is more important than that between a parent and child. It would be crucial to the happiness of your family to ensure that your marriage is a happy one. Believe me, you will need your husband's love and support to deal with a baby.
Try getting your lives put back to gether. my hubby and I hit a rough spot. Right before we found out I was pregnant with our now 6.5 mos daughter, I found out some terrible things he had done. I forgave him and we began our healing process...then found out we were pregnant!!! It was a great end to the distress.
Chin up, things will work out, but you're right, things aren't as they should be to bring another child into the pic. And if things don't get better, I would be better to just have to worry about you and your 1yo.
If you're in need of love that you don't feel at home now, try turing to a family member or good friend to confide in.
Take care and have hope!!
2006-10-18 07:52:28 · answer #3 · answered by Laura R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Financial troubles and miscarriages are the leading causes of marital problems among people married over 2 years.
Get yourself some grief counsiling if you think you need it, and get both of you marital and financial counsil.
Once you have those things squared away THEN by all means, shoot for kids.
Its natural to want children, you're not trying to replace the one you lost, you're trying to create a family. Theres no guilt in that. NONE.
BUt be smart and wait until you and your husband are healthy in a relationship, and your finances are stable.
2006-10-18 07:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-23 17:55:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its absolutely normal to want to try for another baby but mayb good idea to resolve issues with ur husband first. Having another baby could put extra pressure on you both and you need to be strong as a couple to deal with that. If it was me i would deal with problems first and then if and when time is right or mayb better between you both you could try again.Good luck.
2006-10-18 07:54:12 · answer #6 · answered by sammyj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to get pregnant because the fact that your first was stillborn left a huge hole in your life and you feel the need to fill it up again. You are right, it isnt a good time to conceive, a baby deserves to be born into a loving and happy family, and if you and your husband are having such problems that you had to seek help, that is definately not a good place for a baby to be born into.. at least not until you resolve your issues.
2006-10-18 07:48:13 · answer #7 · answered by petersonkitty 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like he is trying to make an effort to save his family. You have been through alot in the last 3 years. With a one year old and a misscarriage. You are doing well considering all that.
If you love your husband, work with his to save the relationship. Your daughter will appreciate it.
2006-10-18 07:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by stocks4allseasons 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not married or pregnant but i can help.
Talk to your friends to help you out. Also talk to your husband. Think about the things you'll face during the time if you aren't HONEST with each other. Then after a little while dicide what is best for you. Hope my advice works
2006-10-18 07:52:06 · answer #9 · answered by Molly 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is NOT wrong for you to be wanting to try for another child... In fact, I consider that pretty natural for you to be wanting to. And I understand that you are not wanting to leave your husband, but don't lie to him... just sit down and tell him that lately you have been thinking about having another one. It will only hurt you more if you keep lying. Just see what he says... good luck!!!
2006-10-18 07:48:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋