Why is it more acceptable for a man to walk out on his children but not for a woman?

Question

Not that I must add that I think any parent walking out on their children is at all the right thing to do - I have a gorgeous 2 year old daughter and cannot imagine ever not wanting her in my life or not waking up each day feeling blessed..

That said her biological father has done nothing for her..not that she has missed out - I do everything and more to make sure that as far as possible she won't suffer because of his decision..

The reason I ask is that there is a programme on tonight on beeb2 about women who walk out on their children..whether the trailer is representative of not I don't know but the impression was given that the women who left were such awful people - and by contrast the single Dads almost heroic.

As a single mother who works hard I sometimes feel there is a double standard with single Dads given more support (from female relatives/pals) and more recognition. Just my view and since single Dads make up only 2% of all lone parents this seems unfair..

Should add that I also think the challenge of lone parenthood crosses the gender divide and so both male or female parents should be recognised for the rewarding but difficult job they do..

Answer 1

LET ME SAY THIS

It is not acceptable for anyone man or woman to walk out on such a beautiful gift from god. There are people who wish they could have children. Single mothers are also heroic. My mother is a single mother and has always been. My father hasn't paid child support in years and owes thousands. My mother is the best thing that ever happened and by herself she is my hero. She has 3 kids to raise by herself and I love her for every sacrifice she made. I commend all single parents man or woman. I want them to know that they can do it and even though they shouldn't they have to because a child can't suffer becasue of the choices someone else made. Ladies leave god to be the father and man leave God to be the mother and believe no matter what he will be a better parent than that woman or man could have ever been.

Answer 2

No, it's not fair and it is a double standard. One person answered saying it's because women bear the children and nature equiped men to move on to the next female. That is quite true, anthropogicoly speaking. And that's a great deal of the reason for the double standard -- people CANNOT FATHOM a MOTHER throwing her offspring away !!!! It doesn't please people when a father deserts his young, but it doesn't surprise them -- as it has been going on for millions of years.
On the otherhand, nature also did a miraculous thing! It made most offspring to RESEMBLE the FATHER !!! (There are exceptions, yes.) But nature did this to help ensure that the male (father) would 'see' these are HIS OFFSPRING in order that he would stick around to feed & protect them until they matured (in pre-historic times perhaps 12 or 13 years of age -- possible less, poss. more).
That's why your parents tell you "NOT to mess-around", "wait til you have a career", "get to really know & love the person first". These are "old" adages, but they are so very true !!!!
I'd bet that most marriages that break up are not built on solid ground! (Meaning: a real knowledge of the other person, true mature receipricated love. And without being built on solid ground, the ground slips out from beneath it, it crumbles and it's very sad -- esp. for the INNOCENT CHILDREN brought into this situation.)
The trouble is that many parents aren't teaching their children about real relationships, and perhaps they themselves aren't equiped to teach them. I believe ALL SCHOOLS should teach FAMILY LIVING or some such titled course in which young people are taught about REAL RELATIONSHIPS & what parenthood involves, what's expected of them, etc. It should also teach that -- Boy Oh Boy are you gonna have trouble protecting your life from your raging hormones!!! They should then teach birth control, but not without 1st teaching that promiscuity is not what BC is intended for!!! Teach kids how to obstain, but if that they become involved in a 'love' relationship and they truly believe they will marry when they have "made their way in the world", then & only after really understanding the outcomes of adult relationships should they even think of having pre-marital intercourse -- because it is an adult exchange. And not everyone over 21 or 31 or 41 is an adult.
I know how hard you are working to provide for your daughter and I know it's hard on you. And I bet you hope it never happens to another girl, esp. your girl1 And I hope it doesn't either!!! That's why I hope you will teach her to be a true adult b4 she gets involved, so she won't play Russian Roulette with her life ! That's why I wish we as a people would get a referrendum put out to make our schools teachwhat being an adult really means (as many parents can't or won't teach their kids). All these broken families not only distroy themselves, they destroy our society as a whole and all the money the gov. wastes could be spent to strengthen families and our countries (USA & Canada).
Love and best Wishes to All!

Answer 3

Someone has probably already said that women bear the children and so morally people believe that there is the "umbilical" bond between mother and child. So that being said most Courts also hold that women have a greater right to custody of the child(ren). Therefore most of todays society "follow" the notion and "accept" that men walk-out on their family & child(ren).

I believe it is not right for either parent to leave their child(ren) or receive custody based on gender. The child(ren) welfare is the most important above all.

The idea that a Dad being "heroic" for taking care of his offspring because the mother left is really no less heroic than a mother such as yourself that is taking care of her daughter's upbringing in life. It only seems heroic due to the fact that there are less responsible males out there.

Kudos for taking responsibilty in nurturing your child's life and making them what you hope they will become.

Answer 4

I DO NOT BELIEVE IT IS ACCEPTABLE SO MUCH AS MORE PREVALENT & MORE EXPECTED FROM A MALE THAN A FEMALE BECAUSE OF THE MATERNAL FEELINGS A MOTHER GETS FROM BEING THE ONE CARRYING THE CHILD , ITS WRONG ON EITHER PART MALE OR FEMALE , BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD IT AS ACCEPTABLE EXCEPT IN THE WILD WITH ANIMALS...the father looking heroic , would be almost impossible not to be viewed that way , in that position , that doesnt mean that he IS some kind of hero , just slightly better than the one who left , who knows , maybe it was HE whom drove her away to begin with......me personally , I am proud of the women (single women) who raise their kids all by themselves , with no help other than friends n neighbors occasionally , and the grace of god , these women are amazing , and I would bet alot of males feel this way...they just dont always tell them...I am amazed at their tenacity , and fortitude !...GOD BLESS EM EVERYONE !.......GOOD LUCK , AND TAKE CARE.......GR1M

Answer 5

I raise 1 child that is my partners ex wife's from her first marriage and 1 child that is my partners with his ex wife and my son from my first marriage and we have one together...........

The boys mother does not have a maternal bone in her body, she is an awful mum, buys them stuff but then does not allow them to bring the home etc no maintenance.....she See's them for a couple of hours a month.

I find it so hard to understand how she could leave her children especially as one has no biological connection with any of us.....

A mum is supposed to have a natural bond with there children and men do not have that, that is why they can go to work all day and not look at the clock thinking oh I wonder if the baby has eaten or had his/her sleep etc

Needless to say I am gob smacked at this women because I do expect it of men I suppose

Answer 6

Personally I think any parent walking out is bad.

However, because women were traditionally the care givers and home makers and spent the most time with the children while the husband was at work, it seems like more of a rift if the woman leaves to those people with traditional values.

Answer 7

I don't think it's more or less acceptable and in the end it doesn't matter what other people think as they usually haven't been through it themselves.
My sister left her kids with her husband because she had nowhere for them to stay - they would have been all crammed in at my mum's. Instead, she left them with their dad, where they felt safe and secure, until she could get set up on her own, with a flat and a job.
They now share custody of the kids and mostly, everyone is happy.

Answer 8

I'm not sure what you're looking for. What kind of recognition do you want/need? As for support, biological dad needs to pony up some CHILD SUPPORT.
And I don't think it's more "acceptable" for a man to walk out on his family than a woman, it's just that more men do it than women. Doesn't make it "acceptable," just makes it "common." Still WRONG, but "common."

Answer 9

To answer your direct question, it's not acceptable for a mother or father to abandon his/her children. I think what you're more interested in, though is the way society seems to label mothers who abandon their children as deviants while the same is not typically true of fathers as long as they pay child support. I don't think it's an issue of what's fair... that's easy... it's fair to label BOTH fathers and mothers who abandon their children as deviants. So, the real question is why we let fathers get away with it. The thoughts that come to mind are that: a) women are typically expected by society (unfairly or not) to be the care providers for their children with or without a father; b) society expects women (but not men) to be "natural" nurturers. I think women who abandon their children are despicable. Men who abandon their children are equally despicable.

Answer 10

I except the logic of your argument but remember this,
Just as Fathers who leave their children are no better than women who do so.
So it would obviously follow that when a man and women split and he wishes to be a full part of his children lives. That his wife shouldn't automatically gain custody simply on the basis that she is a women.
Dads matter equally to their children but that isn't how the courts or society looks at it.