How do you learn to forgive someone who is not sorry for hurting you?

Question

I was deeply hurt by a person in 2001. I taught this person my trade, and was hurt by this person. This person went on to open a business using what I taught her, to make a living. Does not seem to have any remorse for what she has done (it was serious). How d you forgive a person and detach from the pain they caused you?

Thank you to all those of you who responded to me. The person who hurt me was a Roman Catholic monastic sister who makes handmade soap, a craft she learned from me. I will be reading all of your responses and I am going to try over the next couple of years to forgive her but I do not know if I can. Pray for me that I can do it honestly and truly. Please.

It was a situation of clergy abuse. I do not attend church because of this.

Answer 1

It sounds like you just need to move on. I would try to forget about this person completely, because they are not sorry for how they hurt you. I could never forgive and be friends with this person, but maybe I could move on and forget some of they pain they caused.

Answer 2

Wow. I would be incredibly furious as well.

I have always said this and live it, also...

There's a difference between letting go and forgiving. I can let go of something and be okay with what happened without forgiving. Forgiving is a completely different thing. I only forgive people who are sorry.

Example: Quite a few years ago when I was 14 years old and completely virgin, a boy who I was dating for a month made me fool around with him. It had some lasting effects on me, considering it was my first sexual experice, I was pressured into it, and I didn't even love him. Any way, a month later, he also went on to break up with me and cause me to have my first broken heart. The effects of that sexual experience stayed with me for a few years, and the anger was unbearable at times. I was eventually able to let go of everything; however, I will not forgive him unless I knew that he was sorry and had changed and matured as a person. Now that I'm a few years older, the effects are long gone, and it doesn't bother me one bit to think about the situation or wonder if he's sorry.

Let it go, although it may take time. You don't have to forgive, just let it go! Good luck :-)

Answer 3

You can forgive her actions just for the sake of moving on but that doesn't mean you have to allow this person back into your life. If she's not even sorry for hurting you then what kind of friend is she anyway? Even if I feel like I haven't done anything to hurt someone if they come to me and tell me I did, I truly would be sorry. Forgive what she did but move on without her.

Answer 4

You just have to move on. This person used you. If you don't mind a spiritual answer I will tell you the Bible says, "Whatsoever we sow that we shall also reap" In other words, she will not prosper, someone at some point will come along and use her. The Bible also says to pray for those that despite fully use you. Just move on and chalk it up to experience. I don't think we can make it through this life without someone using us. Don't get bitter, angry or get revenge it will only hurt you in the end. Just know that you have much more integrity than she does.

Answer 5

You just have to learn to let it go. Life is going to move on regardless. You can't let this incident steal your joy. You don't have to remain a victim; everyone's a victim of someone or something at some point in their lives. Some choose to wallow in misery until it consumes their lives on every level. Others rise above it and become a victor rather than stay a victim. Why don't you become the latter? You DO have a choice!

Answer 6

You should be happy that she took your teaching to heart.

She was successful and aggressive enough to apply what she learned for profit.
Isn't that what it's all about?
You could do the same thing.

Did she agree to sit on her butt and "not succeed" if you taught her the trade? What did you expect in return? People who expect gratitude will aways be disappointed.

Five years is a long time to eat-away at your own insides with bitterness. You are only hurting yourself, not her.
It's time to Learn, Grow, and Evolve. Get over it and move on.
Do something nice for her. It will mend your own broken heart.
.

Answer 7

Sometimes we forgive but forget.....to forget....
I would just try to move past this. Some people do not have remorse. And some people think that whatever they did was justified. You will never change their mind. Find different friends.

Answer 8

You do not state your "Faith"... That makes it difficult to answer... I am of The True Christian Faith and I can tell you that for most of us it is difficult to do.... but it can be done... at least for we of The Faith, through prayer and study of God's Word and Will for us... one will know when forgivness is real ... when there is no longer any feeling of ill will towards the offender... I do not say there is forgetting... but if there is that knowing that you nolonger feel ill will towards the offender then you have forgiven...

If you might be interested here is the direct link to a page about forgivness from my website.

http://pages.zdnet.com/mikevanauken/outreach/id118.html

Answer 9

In this instance the forgiveness is more for yourself than her. Forgiving her allows you to move past it and not let it fester in your spirit. You just have to pity her for her lacks and hope and pray that she comes to a better understanding of how to conduct herself, and be thankful that you aren't that way.

Answer 10

You need to forgive because the pain of not forgiving is in you. It is not a pleasant feeling. Forgiveness benefit us more than the other party. Don't you agree ?