is it normal to have doubts>?

Question

I am very much in low with out fiance but I seem to be getting cold feet. Is there a normal level of doubt a person should have before a wedding? Am I just worrying to much or should I take this as a sign that maybe I am not ready?

doubt stems from the way we met-which was online. We became close friends, chatting about love and life etc, That was in December. In March he came to me in tears, terrified I wouldnt want anything to do with him. He told me when we met he was engaged to a woman he had been with 3 years, That she was trying hard to change who he was,constantly beating him down, said he was very weak/not himself and presured into marriage he did not want. He said our talks made him see that he was making a huge mistake, he did break if off completely with her before he told me which I respect. I forgave that and our relationship blossomed. He came to me in May, I went to him in June, again in Sept, he will be here for xmas and I plan on returning to his country with him. We have spoken in length about this. when I snoop, I find letters between them and its clear that he wasnt happy n didnt want to marry her. He calms all my fears quite well but I have this little voice of doubt, help me shake it plz

Answer 1

Actually, I'd be concerned if you DIDN'T have doubts. After all, you're entering into a life long commitment. I wouln't take it as any kind of sign, but use the time to reflect on your level of commitment (and his).

Make sure the two of you discuss your ideas, preconceptions, expectations. You don't want to be shocked or surprised to find out afterwards that, for example, he wants kids and you don't, or he wants you to stay at home and you want a career, or...well, you get the idea.

Answer 2

It;s normal to have some doubts before getting married as it's a massive decision to make. But if those little doubts turn into worrying niggles that affect you everyday then maybe it's your inner voice telling you it's not right. Can you picture yourself married to him? Do you feel overwhelming love for him and would stick by him no matter what? Most importantly, does he make you feel happy and secure? Do you feel good about yourself when you're around him? Have a think about all these things and if you don't feel 100% about them put off the wedding for a while until you feel more certain. I wish I'd listened to my inner voice instead of trying to convince myself I was doing the right thing, so you must take any doubts seriously.

Answer 3

Take it like this: Do you want to eat Double cheeseburgers from McDonalds every day? Sure you like them, and maybe they're your favorite. Then you realize that coq a vin might sound delicious, but you have no idea how to make it or if it even tastes good. You go back to yur boring cheeseburgers.

The point is, it's cold feet. Good luck, and congratulations!!

Answer 4

It depends on what these doubts are about. Are there specific issues or problems that are bothering you? Because if there are, they will only be bigger after you get married. You'll have to decide if these issues are big enough to make or break your marriage.

Answer 5

no longer likely (in the two case)! yet why could 'passing for ordinary' be a objective in existence? many of the individuals who claimed they have been 'regularly occurring' that i've got ever met have been fairly freaky of their own appropriate... Later Daze! =)

Answer 6

just give it all the time you need. some online relationships work most don't. so take your time an i will not say anything negitive because you need to do alot of soul searching.

Answer 7

I would be concerned if I were you.