How would you make a classified ad for a Congressman & a Senater?

Question

I need to make up classified ads for the President & Vice President ,& the Congressman & Senator-including all job requirements,duties,salary,& length of employment.

Answer 1

I'm afraid anything that you would get from me would be much too cynical to turn in for an assignment.

SENATOR: Person needed for six-year contract position. Candidate must have two faces, know many rich and powerful people, and should have had his conscience surgically removed prior to applying. Must be willing to travel at others' expense, feed at public troughs, and take full advantage of lavish perks paid for by public money. Retirement plan includes lifetime pension plus guaranteed position as lobbyist for multi-megabuck corporation.

Duties Include:
- Bamboozling the public
- Lying with a straight face
- Channeling public money to your own accounts and those of your friends
- Enacting laws that you have no intention of following yourself
- Begging people for money on the misplaced promise that you will do something that benefits them
- Piously blaming members of the other party for indiscretions that you have done yourself.
- Taking credit for any positive thing that happens, whether you were responsible or not.
- Denying responsibility for any negative thing that happens, even if you did it personally
- Diligiently flouting the Constitution that you swore to uphold.
- Taking bribes, dispensing patronage, and securing contracts.
- Other corruption as assigned.