Children do not want to visit ex-husband?

Question

My ex husband and I do not get on, mostly due to the manner he treats our two children. We parted company with a bang after he manhandled me and hurt me, which the kids know about. He didn't intended to hurt me, but nonetheless he did. He met a new partner and moved in with her and this made the kids feel insecure. I know this cannot be helped, but he made them aware that they come 2nd to his partner. On one visit my ex hurt our eldest child (12), she needed to be chastised, but he still hurt her and he should know better. Now she refuses to visit with him. He does not try with her, he comes and collects our youngest (who is starting not to want to go either) and even forgot the eldest's birthday! Both children feel like they mean little to their father, he even told them they were only guests in his new home on their visits. Because the youngest is now refusing to visit as often he is now threatening court and saying i should force the kids to visit. I would appreciate any advice

Answer 1

Oh wow, you are living the same life as I have been for 10 years. My eldest is 15 and has refused for 2 years now to go after a good slap across her face (she told her to eff off after he called her a *****). Now my youngest started this year saying that after he and his fiance gets married next summer, she's refusing to go see him.

Console your children as best as possible, and always let them know you are there 24/7 for them NO MATTER WHAT. And since your children are what judges call "mature" in their thinking, IF both your kids are refusing to go for their own reasonings, the judge won't make them. I know, I have done this. My eldest said physical abuse (for one slap and NO, I did not agree with her saying it even though it was true) and my youngest stated that he only loves his 2 children with his current fiance. Judge took pity on her and her feelings and stated I no longer have to send them if they don't want to go.

If it can work for me, it can for you. I hope. Good luck. And ALL ex's threaten you, just laughh at him and tell him to get a life. That if he wanted a life with his children, he would of stuck around to watch them grow.

Answer 2

I am not a lawyer and would therefore recommend before anything else to get one or find out about how to have a Guardian appointed. I know in most cases, you have to follow the visitation schedule but you can petition to change the visitation if the children are unhappy.
The mother of my husband's two girls is similar to this situation and she also got to the point where she wanted one and not the other so the courts now require she take both, talk to both, write both, etc. or not at all because of the damaging affects it has on the oldest.
Nothing but time and understand can pull your children through and you should consider a change in the order if it continues.
KC

Answer 3

Welcome to the club. If the children do not want to visit anymore don't make them. If he takes you to court, the courts will ask the children why they do not want to go with their father anymore and they may tell the court the reason. If this does not wake up your ex, nothing will. He may opt to not force the little visitors (as he puts it) to come anymore. Some kids are better off without the parent that treats them this way, then to be forced to see someone they do not respect nor feel accepted and welcomed by. I am sure his new partner also makes them feel like outsiders too.

Answer 4

First, there is a reason those kids dont want to see their dad. He is only using court as a weapon. I would get both kids into counseling ASAP. Find out what is at the root of the problem. Plus, this will give you a foundation when you do go to court. Keep your kids safe and if they must visit with dad, go with them!

Answer 5

your childeren should not be forced by a bully to go and see him if he doesn't want to know them when he has them i think he's using them as he can mess there heads up and yours. I'd seek legal advice and get it sorted and for now if the children don't want to go then don't force them to,if he wants to take it to court let him pay and the truth will come out what he's been like as your soliciter will have to talk to the children as you'll need reasons as to why they are not going. He's not mature enough to be a father no man should hurt his children just proves he's not a dad.

Answer 6

I wouldn't worry to much regarding your ex taking you too court. It seems as though 12 is a good age for a child to make rational decisions regarding visitstion.
Chances are he will never fully understand the hurt and disappointment that he has caused you and your children, the best advise that i can give you is to always tell your children the truth even if it will hurt them, as long as you know that you have done everything truthfully then they will learn as well. The truth.

good luck and you are not alone

Answer 7

Don't actively prevent the children from visiting but if they don't want to go then don't force them either. Let him go through the expense of going to court. When the court reps talk with the children they can tell them the reasons why they don't want to see him and get it documented. Best case scenario is that he is given only supervised visitation. You may want to consider getting this done yourself for their protection.

Answer 8

Where I live at the age of 12 a judge will ask the child who she / he wants to live with and will even speak with younger children and take this into effect. I would just simply tell him that the child doesn't want to go and you aren't going to force her to do so. If he takes you back to court, tell him you will fight for full custody and maybe he should start thinking about "why" his own children don't want to see him!

Answer 9

I would talk to a lawyer....the courts would have counselors find out what is going on...if the counselors felt that the kids where justified in their feelings a judge would probably order a modified visitation...or supervised visits

Answer 10

keep those kids as far away as the law will allow u.... if he does care - let him go through all the legal loopholes to make you or your children have to see or deal with him. i am divorced and my kids love their father but dont want to go stay with him at all - they know he is no good, thank god - seems we have very smart kids, but i would get a restraining order on him if any form of abuse or mistreatment is even thought of - your children should be able to decide for theirselves if they want to see him... u or the father cannot or should not be forced to be with someone that they dont feel comfortable with.. good luck