This is a marriage counselor, and during a session I made the statement, " I don't think my husband is in love with me, he's in love with the stupid in me". We've been married 11 yrs, problems for about 5 yrs or longer, and I ask myself, why have I put up with this for so long, and better yet why has my husband put up with me? Is it because I don't leave, yeah probably.
Anyway, after making this statement, the counselor looked at me with a confused look, leaned back in his chair, and said "What? What is that supposed to mean, I don't get it?"
Was it a dumb statement, wasn't it clear? I thought it spoke volumes. Not only do I feel stupid for staying in my marriage, now I feel stupid for making the statement.
2006-10-18 06:29:19 · 13 answers · asked by Maybe 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It was not a dumb statement, & it is very clear (ur counsellor speaks English, right?), but it's a hard thing 2 react 2 without knowing the circumstances of the relationship (which I don't). If it was ur 1st session, then I can understand how they may have been stumped 4 offering advice, but that doesn't make ur statement any less valid. Ur role is 2 speak ur mind, & that's what u did.
Don't get hung up on what ur counsellor thinks of u. If they've been in the business 4 longer than 5 minutes, they'll have heard much more 'interesting' things than that.
Sometimes they like u 2 feel stupid 2, dnt 4get. It makes u more vulnerable, thus easier 2 extract information from.
Good luck wiv the REAL problem ie. ur marriage, whatever u decide. x
2006-10-18 06:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by viv friend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was just trying to get you to stop beating around the bush. You can't make statements like that and communication be good in your marriage. What you should have said is this........We've been married 11 yrs, problems for about 5 yrs or longer, and I ask myself, why have I put up with this for so long, and better yet why has my husband put up with me? Is it because I don't leave, yeah probably. I think your counselor is doing a great job at getting you to look at how you communicate with people and how confusing it can be.
2006-10-18 13:46:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your statement wasn't "stupid", just phrased rather strangely. Think about it, "In love with the stupid in me" (I'm started wondering: "why does she think she's stupid and why would anyone love stupidity, real or imagined?"). But your counselor should have been able to see what most people here have. Instead, he made a stupid mistake in his response! Rather than focusing on the feelings about yourself (and your husband), expressed in an odd way, he analyzed it like an English teacher. THEN, probably to sound "wise", and cover up his mistake and/or ignorance, he tried to make YOU look like the clueless one!
It doesn't look like you found a good counselor. Just because someone gets trained in psychotherapy, doesn't mean they're GOOD at it. My former roommate was in training to become one, but she was an obsessive-compulsive, self-loathing neurotic who let her boyfriend beat her up routinely!!! She was in no position to give ANYONE advice.
Try to find someone else. And if they say they don't get it, YOU become the "counselor" and ask: "What about it don't you get?". If they can't answer, keep looking. It's annoying, I know, but someday you'll find a good match.
In the meantime, try to find a marriage counselor, since it looks like your husband has some problems of his own with relationships!
2006-10-18 14:13:14 · answer #3 · answered by SieglindeDieNibelunge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasnt a stupid statement, what was stupid is her reaction, sorry but in theory they shouldnt show many emotions because every case is different, also, dont put so much relevance on her reaction the fact she is a counselor doesnt mean she is not human, she can react but is better no to show any emotion like neutral so the person could continue his dialogue.
2006-10-20 13:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by frankomty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a councelor will ask you a question about your comments, not because they didn't understand it, but because they wanted you to keep going with your train of thought. The councelor might have wanted you to expound on what you were saying.
Bring up your concern at your next session and If the councelor DIDN'T get it, then you should try explaining your perspective and your feelings so that you are understood and there can be a possibility of some resolution.
On a side note....if you are in therapy then you obviously care enought to try....don't give up and Remember, Remember, Remember! That is what saved my marriage. I had to remember why i stayed before and why I loved him. He had to remember the same and together we had to decide to NOT give up and make promises to each toher to get back on track.
Good Luck and God bless!
2006-10-18 13:41:37 · answer #5 · answered by brookebjpl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think u are stupid for staying in your marriage or for askin the question the counsellor either was distracted or just did not have an answer to ur question. sista follow ur heart. if u wanna make ur marriage work u and ur husband have to work at makin it work. marriages start to fail becos one of the parties doesnt want to make it work. marriage is a beautiful thing that should be enjoyed and not endured. talk to ur husband without a third party and both of u deal with the issues. you are stronger and smarter than u think u are and u can make ur marriage work have faith and pray to God abt it. He will help you. all the best girl.
2006-10-18 13:39:07 · answer #6 · answered by afrohottie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The statement wasn't stupid, I mean I understood it and I'm in my first year of college. Maybe you should just rethink the relationship, if he just likes you for your "blond" moments (not trying to offend anybody) then maybe you should think about moving on. If he doesn't love you when your smart and yourself, then he is a idiot and not worth your time. However this could just be a very long phase he is going threw. If it doesn't clear up soon then I think you should maybe think about moving on.
2006-10-18 13:33:32 · answer #7 · answered by Moon Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel stupid for your statement. I must suspect the mental capacity of your 'counselor' though. He didn't understand what you meant?
Good luck in life and at least dump the counselor.
2006-10-18 13:32:54 · answer #8 · answered by jack w 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As I read your question, I see why he may have been confused. When you say "He's in love with the stupid in me" what does that mean? Does it mean he is on love with stupid actions you do? Is there some way you could have been more speciffic. Counselors need you to be as speciffic as popssible, otherwise, they may not be able to understand where you are coming from. They are trying to help you, and your giving them as much information as clearly and speciffically as possible helps tremendously.
~a future counselor
2006-10-18 16:45:45 · answer #9 · answered by Jimmy R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have provided some further explanation or example. Even marriage counselors can't always be mind readers unless you help them out a bit.
Chill some, I think the counselor is doing his best.
2006-10-18 13:32:55 · answer #10 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋