I am 5'2 and 160 lbs. I've gained about 40 lbs in the last year and a half. We've been together 8 years and have 2 children. Should I just leave him or wait for him to leave me? Should I work hard and lose the weight to save the relationship? I know I need to lose the weight but I am having a hard time getting motivated with his constant put-downs.
I am really stressed out, depressed, and don't feel like he treats me well enough to do all this for him. Meanwhile, he doesn't gain weight but surely doesn't look as good as he used to either.
2006-10-18 06:24:58 · 62 answers · asked by Trinity 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kick the sucker to the curb without delay! You can't change HIM, and he would never be satisfied with you if you did lose weight. He evidently wants to get out of the relationship-let him. You must begin to look at yourself as worthy of a relationship. Go on about life with your two kids. There is someone out there that will love you "just the way you are". This 8 year relationship has come to an end, so give it up. He is not worthy of YOU. And what goes round, comes round. He is heading for his fat years, just give him time. But don't give him the 'time of day' anymore. Get rid of the jerk, and go on with your life. God bless you and your kids.
2006-10-18 06:35:10 · answer #1 · answered by barbkin11 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lose weight! NOT only for him - for you. 40 lbs is A LOT to gain in a year and a half. You do sound overweight, and it will be better for everyone if you started taking care of your health. I'm sure you already know this... And I can sooo relate - I don't like exercise, and it is SO hard to get motivated. I also LOVE to eat - which does not help at all! My friend lost 30 lbs on a weightwatchers diet; she's a mother of two, and she's never looked better. It really helps to develop healthier eating habits, and for some people "diet" provides a structure on which to build up. For exercise - it would probably help to have some kind of exercise equipment at home; it's much harder to get motivated to go to the gym than to go to the bedroom to exercise. I'm sure your b/f is meaning well... He is honest and straight-forward with you, it's not a bad thing; perhaps he hasn't been very tactful lately, since you probably were not being responsive to his more subtle suggestions. But - it takes two to make things work. If you bash him for being honest and bringing up a problem, how are you hoping to have a relationship at all? He isn't being unreasonable for wishing you dropped a few extra lbs. It would be unreasonable for him to expect for you to look like a 20-year-old again... But somehow I don't think it's part of his agenda at all.
See if he would be willing to help you get motivated. Make a constructive suggestion - say, you two could commit to go for a walk 3 times a week. Or get two bikes, and go on bike rides around the neighborhood. Do something that includes the kids. Get a dog and walk him twice a day. Get a used exercise bike or a treadmill (try craigslist in your area for used exercise equipment). Take an aerobics class at a local gym or a community college. Anything will be better than nothing.
2006-10-18 07:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in real love it doesn't matter how you look, if the person loves you it shouldn't matter because whats on the inside is what counts. The outside appearance is only hear for so long but then you get old and it fades away, but if someone loves someone for whats on the inside, it'll be that way for a long time. I think he must not love you that much if he puts you down like that. He shouldn't do that, but instead he should motivate you and help you. Like both of you could exercise together and help each other. Something isn't right here. And you have kids by him, so of course a woman's body is going to change sometimes...so what. You have to keep your head up and if he don't love you for who you are, then he don't love you, and you should leave, because I'm sure there is somebody out there who would love you for you and love your 2 kids. You shouldn't wait on him to break your heart and leave you, you should leave first if things don't change. Don't get depressed over somebody like that it ain't worth it, I'm sure you can get somebody to accept you, so don't let him bring you down. Also, even if you lost the weight and it was for him, which it shouldn't, if he is like this now somewhere down the road it'll probably be that way again, but he'll regret what he's doing to you. So be strong and stand your ground and make the best decision for you and your kids. Good Luck.
2006-10-18 06:35:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you are at your wits end with this situation. You have alot of time invested with this man and have 2 children. But what a @$$% hole for making you feel this way. I dont know if you have a daughter with him? But if you do would this be except able if her husband or boyfriend treated her this way? If you do want to work this out and you are the only person that can answer that question. Start going to the gym, leave the kids with your husband its the least he could do if he wants you to lose weight. And when you come back tell him the personal trainer at the gym is a great looking, supportive, and give you so much positive energy you cant wait to go back to the gym again. Its just a suggestion. See how that flys with Mr. Downer..
2006-10-18 06:42:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been together that long and he puts you down then he is really not worth it. Tell him that he is not exactly brad pitt either and ask him to join you in a healthier diet and a few minutes training, that way you can motivate each other and you will gain more respect for each other, improving your relatonship ten fold. If he doesnt want to join you then challenge him( i.e. you can lose 10 pounds before he can) if he takes the challenge then that should be motivation enough to show him you are better than him. If he doesn't take the challenge then you can lose wait to show him how useless he is. The most important thing though is that no matter what you do make sure you do it for your self and do what ever makes you happiest. good luck
2006-10-18 06:35:58 · answer #5 · answered by quazi117 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with a guy for 6 1/2 years. We didn't have any kids but I did gain weight.
You had 2 kids, you're allowed to put on weight. Has he been giving you signs that he isn't interested anymore? I would say, first and foremost, talk to him. You've been together for 8 years, you two should be able to communicate with one another. Simply tell him how you're feeling and see what his reaction is. If it's a negative one and he says that he just isn't attracted to you anymore and it is in fact cause you did put on weight then leave him cause he's an ***. In my case, I left him. He said he was attracted to me and loved my body yet never brought me out anymore, like he was embarassed to be seen with the big fat girl. He was an *** and if your man does the same to you then leave his ***. There are better MEN, not "boys", out there that will LOVE LOVE LOVE your body the way it is and will treat you like gold. If you choose to lose the weight let it be because you really want to for yourself and for no man! I hope everything works out for you. Don't let a man control you, your heart, or your mind.
good luck, remember you have two beautiful babies and that's all that matters! :-)
2006-10-18 06:41:57 · answer #6 · answered by Steph 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
FIRST & foremost here....you NEVER do anything for anyone but YOU! So when you lose your weight (what's the jerk expect after 2 kids AND he's completely ruining what self-esteem you may have had even before kids!) you lose the weight because of YOU! It's like an alcoholic...you can force him into rehab over & over but he'll start drinking everytime he's out until HE suddenly decides to stop drinking for good! It's for him in this case, for you!
He doesn't treat you well enough for you to even want to do anything for you, and like I said, you don't do ANYTHING because of him!
My opinion, of course I COULD be wrong but....just leave him because it actually sounds to me (from the little I know) that he's basically found his excuse to force you to leave or for him to leave and honestly, the longer you stay & listen to his constant put downs and complete lack of respect or you at all, the more self-esteem you'll lose then you'll end up staying with him even when he starts blatantly being with other women, then you'll actually start to think it's YOUR fault he's such a jerk because he'll convince you of it...he's started already because of the weight issue. Even if you lost weight he'll find something else to criticize you about.
I'm sorry to be so blunt & honest & upfront about this, but I speak from personal experience and thankfully I left many years ago now and I would rather be alone and HAPPY with all of my self-esteem, than with some jerk, A.H. like the one you're with and be miserable the rest of my life.
You're supposed to be with another person because they make you HAPPY, not miserable!!!
Let me tell you what I've told a friend of mine....I've lived with your guy!! He had a different name, different face & it was at a different point in time, but they never change. I'm sorry to say. I can't do more than tell you the truth. Been there, done it.
Good luck to you and YOU'RE the one who's important here! You're the mother of 2 kids and trust me, they'll start treating you exactly as he does unless you get the hell out NOW!!!
2006-10-18 06:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by raquelha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should make you feel that way, if you want to lose the weight do it for you not him any man who truly loves you for you they woud not put you threw this, i am 5" and in the last 8 months i have gained 20-30 pounds but my fiance loves me for me, and if he ever made me feel that way i would leave it is not worth it and the deppresion and stress of him well just lead you to gain more weight.... I know u have children too, just think how they feel seeing u hurt if there not old enough now they will be sooner or later you don't want them to see that it effects them too. Good luck and do for you.
2006-10-18 06:29:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
40 lbs in a year and a half. I am suprised he still recognizes you. You added 33% to your weight and you think he would be happy about that? You don't say how long he has been asking you to drop the weight. If he's been saying you're fat for 6 months, I could see why he would be so frustrated. I'm sure you didn't put the weight on "for him", and now you don't want to take it off "for him". So it's all about what you want. I'm not sure I would blame him for leaving. It sounds like to him, you're not the same person he wanted (who you were for 6 years) and you're making the choice not to be that person.
2006-10-18 06:43:28 · answer #9 · answered by Barry 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should have left him 3 years ago especially since you have been giving him children. If a man doesn't marry you by the 5th year he has no intention of doing so. I know it hurts but let him go.
How much does he weigh? 180, 160 lbs or whatever...As soon as he leaves that'll be the dead weight you lose immediately and the rest will be a piece of cake. If you let a man use you ...HE WILL.
He's looking for excuses to justify his bad behavior.
2006-10-18 06:34:28 · answer #10 · answered by kane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋