My husband was emotionally abusing me for the last few years until i met someone else. When he found out, he started being really nice. So i made the decision to make my marriage work. My lover, who is married as well, and i broke up because of this. Now, my husband is back to his abusive self..often giving excuses for his behaviour that i cheated which made him return to his old self. He keeps bringing my affair up even though we both agreed to leave it behind us and try again. I have 2 beautiful kids. what should I do? I am thinking of leaving him...
2006-10-18 06:08:32 · 38 answers · asked by angelheart 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Think of the best interest of the children you have brought into this world. Devote yourself to educating them, providing a safe space for them to develop their emotions,care for their health needs,cooking healthy food for them,spend your energy making them laugh and be happy. You'll have much less time to play silly games with lovers and a horrible husband.
2006-10-18 06:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by thirsty mind 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problem is the problem is not just his. Regardless of the problems you chose to have a lover and not with a single guy but with slime that is also cheating. So you screwed up and tried to make things right. That's great but in his mind there is always that image..... and do you think that someone who was abusive has the emotional capacity to be mature about it all and realize that the most important thing is to keep the family together? Not going to happen. Sit him down and tell him that this day is the day for him to think about the future. Something has to change. You leave and it might hit home. But most importantly it is the kids that mean the most and they don't deserve to be around the issues. Something drastic is the only way your guy will wake up... realize that you are not a given and strive for change. Good luck to you!
2006-10-18 06:31:06 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While the abuse doesn't justify the infidelity it is understandable why you were vulnerable to having one. Overcoming this is a very difficult task. Since he is harping on the affair it will be impossible. He is keeping it alive and now using it as an excuse to abuse you again. You must leave him for the sake of those beautiful children. They shouldn't be witness to their mother being mistreated and will eventually allow others to treat them that way because it is what they see as being a normal thing.
For their sakes you must leave.
Don't ever get involved with a married man again. You deserve better than that.
Good Luck!
2006-10-18 06:23:10 · answer #3 · answered by kane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a matter of blame. He has and is abusive again. You cheated. These are facts. If you value yourself the you will not put up with the abuse. Remember your children are learning by the examples you both set. If you both value the marriage/relationship then you both will work on your issues separately and the relationship issues together. Counseling can be helpful, but only if you both are wanting to change and are willing to do the work that it requires.
2006-10-18 06:12:41 · answer #4 · answered by itsamylynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats sad... I know i cant talk because my husband cheated on me once and sometimes he gets mad at me an the first this he calls me is a sl*t or a whore an i gotta throw it in his face that he's the one thats cheated not me... But if you got to find someone else to get the kind of reaction that you want then maybe you'd be better off to find someone else... I really dont know thats up to you.. You just gotta ask yourself if u think he'll ever change an if you want better... I know it hard... An I wish you best of luck.. But i can tell you there is hope for ppl like that, my husband use to be like that and its been almost 2 years ago an he has changed so much...
2006-10-18 06:17:50 · answer #5 · answered by ohio_gurl042 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to me...
Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical. It leaves bruses and scars that remain unseen by others but effect you everyday. It is NOT something you have to put up with and to be the best mother for your children, you need to get away from it.
If you are really dedicated to make this work, start going to marriage therapy NOW-as in start tomorrow or sometime this week if you can.
If this is not an option for you, then you need to end this marriage; if not for your own sake, then the sake of your children. Please take care of yourself and your family.
2006-10-18 06:17:40 · answer #6 · answered by b-rad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i develop right into a husband like that, LOL. i'm 40 5 no longer 25 now and that i nonetheless screw up issues occassionally, yet no longer as a lot. I discovered that what develop into important to my spouse develop into important to me. properly, you may want to attempt nagging. Its the traditional approach does artwork to some extent. yet oftentimes it makes you offended and him green with envy, and if he has a obdurate streak, resistent. the ultimate approach is a mixture of strategies assorted through regardless of works. The carrot, the stick, love, staying power and verbal substitute. settle for that he has barriers as we talk and its going to take time. shop speaking about the themes yet with out yelling or blaming. tell him about your frustration, the way you do not elect to be offended each and every of the time. tell him you already know he's attempting (because in case you''re nonetheless being strong to him he probable is, till he's basically an entire jerk) yet its no longer operating. And if he's attempting, delight in it. once in a lengthy time period you would basically ought to get offended, distinctly if he seems to no longer be attempting, notwithstanding that's going to be incredibly uncommon. that's portion of why they say marriage is confirm.
2016-10-16 05:28:16 · answer #7 · answered by chicklis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek marriage counseling. Or better yet read the book "Ditch That Jerk" it will give you a better understanding of what level of an abuser your husband is. You need to be happy and the emotional abuse will drain you of that. Tell yourself this. You can't control me because I know who I am. It sounds like your husband needs individual counseling for himself. Good Luck My Prayer Are With You.
2006-10-18 06:12:51 · answer #8 · answered by Just Because 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe marriage is forever but if he is being abusive, then get out. I feel that he has proven that he doesn't want to change. The fact that he did change for awhile, only to revert back to his old ways, tells me it's a choice. Get out for the kids. That is no life for them, nor is it a good example. Kids see and know a lot more than you believe.
2006-10-18 06:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by rock d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him! I have been separated now for 5 years from a verbally abusive husband and I'm still suffering. Stop taking the beatings (whether it's verbal or physical). Ruuunnnnnnnnnn
2006-10-18 06:11:45 · answer #10 · answered by Feeling Shame 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋