why is he so into everyon else but me??????

Question

in a nut shell i didnt have a great childhood...i had the abcense of fatherly love....so as soon as a male showed me the littlest bit of love and attention i grabbed on to him and never let go...i feel like i used him as a crutch in the beginning to fill that missing space in my life...i am now still with the same guy going on 4 1/2 years...i know he loves me to death as do i love him....he has become much more then a crutch like it started.i put my all into our relationship and sometimes i feel he doesn't care as much as i do. I have been insecure forever, i guess since my stepfather has made me feel worthless since i can remeber back but i tend to take out my hurts of the past on my boyfriend. since i haven't been told how beautiful and special i am to someone until my bf came along, i think sometimes i dont believe it when he says it...i get very mad when i catch him with porn, or looking at other girls when im with him,i just feel that my confidence is killing us sometimes..help

Answer 1

First of all, try to gain a little confidence. Believe your boyfriend when he compliments you! Stop worrying if he looks at other girls once in a while or wants to see a porn movie. Ask him what part of the outfit he liked on the girl, maybe you could have cues on what he would like on you! Maybe you could help him choose porn you could try looking with him. You don't have to do what they do in the porn movie but it's good to make people horney ;-)

Answer 2

I think by the way that you have said you are insecure in the question, you know that your boyfriend really does love you. I don't know about looking at girls when you're out, that does seem rude, but so many guys look at porn I wouldn't think it means he doesn't love you. You say he tells you that you are beautiful and special, and if he has been with you for 4 1/2 years I'm pretty sure he means it. It sounds like your real problem is with your insecurity and your relationship with your stepfather. Do you ever talk to people about that? Possibly it would help to discuss it with your boyfriend, who you say you take things out on. If you love him so much, let him understand why you sometimes get upset like this. If you have already talked to him about this then it shows the close, loving relationship you have, and he probably wouldn't deliberately hurt you like you've been hurt before. It might help you to call a helpline. I can't give you examples because I don't know American ones, but if you search for relationship helplines on the net, you should be able to find a free one in your area.

Answer 3

WOW, you've pretty-much already answered this question. The reason you feel he's not into you is because when you guy's started out, you were not into yourself.

You used him as a crutch to fill the void of acceptance from a "MALE". But what you may not have known at that time is that while you were getting YOUR needs met, you were depleating him of his ENERGY.

It became a "Vampire Effect". You drained him, and now he's turning to the only source he knows which is YOU to have his needs met.

It all makes since on the surface, but on a sub-concious level he is you and you are him. You attract who you are & what you are. You guy's may not have the same upbringing at home, but just as long as the end result is the same you guys' "Mirrior" each other.

When you're insecure about ANYTHING you immediatey seek other explanations. These explanations could reflect people, places and things. You looked for your answer from someone who was lacking a answer for himself. And the reason you feel that he doesn't care as much as you is because the foundation your relationship was built upon caring. When you guys met he was also insecure its just that it was easier for him to see your insecurities because you carried more baggage than he did. Now that the LIGHT is on, you now see that he has baggage too and he's put sooooo much into helping you with yours, he neglected himself. So it was built upon filling voids and finding answeres from everywhere else but from within.

The porn and other girls are the reflections that he's seeking to have HIS voids filled. The same way you did. Through the oppisite sex. He doesn't feel you can supply him with what he needs because he helped you and he was there for you.

You are intelligent, smart & perceptive. I don't know how beautyful you are, but you're sincerity is beauty enough.

Once you find the answer (from within) you'll start to draw in the reflections of them. You'll meet men & woman with confidence & high self esteem once you tell your subconcious mind that you have those things.Once you find love (within) you'll start drawing and attracting love. Love without insecurities....

Answer 4

I hope I can help a little......I do not know your age, why are you living together for over 4 years without any marriage commitment first of all? Second, I can relate due to the fact that as a child there was also a step who treated me like a dog putting me down making me feel worthless, telling me no one would ever look at me and I would amout to nothing.....At 14 I met my first husband and like you I ran into his arms (I was 16 and left the abusive childhood I was in). I as well needed love and attention and had no father figure in my life. Yes I did marry this man, have 2 healthy children and after7 years divorced him. The attention was not there for me and the kids, as a mechanic, his mind was more on cars then his family, we grew apart after I realized I deserved better. I realized I deserved a man to fullfil my needs and not just stay with a man for convenience reasons or because it is comfortable. It takes a strong woman to break away, I am not saying it is easy. Look in the mirror every day and say something nice to yourself. I have been in and out of counseling in my past, in and out of relationships to now learn how to like me and me and my needs are important too. Regarding the porno stuff, I have zero tollerance for that trash, I would have packed his bags if I saw that once. That is total disrespect.

Answer 5

sista .... just chill .. change up your routine... get him to notice you in a different way.....if ya know what i mean....Make him not want that porn because he knows he can have it for real with you in the bedroom or anywhere he wishes. GUys are just guys ... they want this sweet pretty respectful innocent little thing on there arm during the day and that same women but turned into porn queen at night !!! Girl.... you are awesome and let him remember that by showing him your sexy side every once in a while. P.s. Guys are just stupid ...they are going to look at other women as long as they can...but it doesn;t change anything or the way they feel about you...most of the time they are probably thinking ....damn my girl is hotter than THAT.

Answer 6

You need to get into you first before anyone else can. You choose men who are alot like your father. You need to be able to stand up for what you believe in and not just be a stepping stone for others Good Luck

Answer 7

i am so sorry its been so hard on you. its normal for guys to look at porn and to look at other girls, try not to take it to heart, i would suggest that you need to talk to someone about this. you could end up killing this relationship, or any other. please try to talk to someone about this for your own peace of mind and you will be a much happier person.when i say talk to someone, i mean a health care professional.