Asking again for more answers please.?

Question

My soon to be ex husband is an abusive, liar, cheater and negligent man. I filed for divorce on April 14 so he deicded to get back with an old girlfriend of his so I ask my lawyer if it matters that he is dating someone else he says no and that it is ok if I would want to do the same so I chose to. In July and then my ex finds out and begins sending threatening messages to my boyfriend saying he wants to beat the living stuff out of him. Remember he is doing the same thing also, however I don't bother his girlfriend. He was overseas when this was happening so I informed his LTC and he told my ex that he faces jail time should we press charges. Now what I am wondering is it possible for me to draw up a contract of what i want out of the divorce and set up a visitation schedule for him to see our son that he could either agree to or face the jail time? He has caused so much pain in our lives I just don't want him to think that he is going to get away with doing things everytime he does

something to me becuase he has always gotten away with abusing me my own fault but I believe it is time he faced some consequences for his actions whether it is in jail or by agreeing to a contract I draw up. We live in Kansas if it helps any.

Answer 1

take those messages to the police ..because if something was to happen to your friend...no mater who did it they can hold him responsible..because he has made threats..

Answer 2

You can draw up whatever kind of plan that you want, but it is not going to change the fact that he has verbally threatened your boyfriend. Considering all the facts, the abuse, the lying, cheating, negligence, and now verbal assault, I'd have him jailed. This sounds like the theme of to many made for TV Lifetime movies.....and we all know how they end. After he completes his time, then set up strict guide lines for him to follow outlined in your divorce papers. He has to learn it's time to be accountable for his actions, and that you are no longer going to be his victim! He is your young sons role model, and if he cannot get it together, I would be very specific about the consequences he'll be facing if he cannot set a positive example. Please be very careful when doing this, and I even suggest an Order of Protection against him. At least he's over seas......

Answer 3

If this is an abusive man and it has gone on a long time he will never change. Get the divorce and move on. He can still visit his son if he behaves. But I would not even stay anywhere close to this man. Do you have family support elsewhere just to get started over again? Sometimes it takes a distance to help calm his fire. Let him move on too. Pray that he will find another woman to love. Push him out the door so to say. He is not right for you. Everyone has a perfect match and you have not found yours yet. Keep Looking.

Answer 4

I was in a situation similar to your but my X and I were both in the military and he had a GF. His LTC also knew and he was threaten with a court martial, we couldn't stand each other at that time. But to make a long story short...If he's in the military and he plans on staying in he's not going to see your child much anyway. Make sure you put in the divorce that he will pay to have the child visit him! As for the UCMJ for him think of it this way if you press charges he will loose rank and money but then so will you when it comes to child support. Just be thankful he is out of your life and move on.

Answer 5

I say do this. File charges. Let him get pinched. Now he's definetly in the system. in the meantime...file for divorce...screw the visitation stuff. You can hash that out later. The criminal case can also be ajudicated but can also be brought to light in the divorce case. just one more nail in his coffin.

What you want to do is bargain. Let me tell you something cupcake. Your hubby is not a bargining type. Nor is he one that will uphold any bargain either. He's cooled his jets because of the threat of being pinched. Well...as soon as that threat is gone he'll start again. make the move...do it now...divorce and then you and your new hubby and kid get the hell outta Kansas.

Answer 6

You stated that you have a lawyer. If you do, then use him/her to help you with this matter. If you don't, get one. I don't know about all the counties in Kansas, but in Shawnee County (Topeka) where my divorce was filed ... a "protection order" is standard issue in all divorce cases. If you do not have a "protection order", get one. The "protection order" I had stated that my soon-to-be exhusband was not allowed to harrass me in person, by mail, by telephone, by email or by any other means.

Moving forward, in Shawnee County they have drawn up what they call the "Family Law Guidelines" to help guide parents through the divorce, custody, child support and visitation issues facing divorced parents in the State of Kansas, and specifically in Shawnee County. That document is available online at http://www.shawneecourt.org/forms/guidelines030106.pdf and it includes all of the information and documents you will need to get through the divorce and parenting time issues, along with recommendations for parenting time based on the age of the child.

Beyond all of the divorce and custody issues, you need to protect yourself and your child. Document EVERYTHING ... whether your soon-to-be exhusband is being abusive or not. If you feel threatened, contact the police and file a police report. The Court will not take you at your word in an abusive situation without documentation -- emergency room reports, medical reports, counseling reports, support services through a women's shelter, police reports, etc. My now exhusband was abusive but it wasn't anything that left bruises -- financial abuse, emotional abuse, and control issues. I didn't have documentation to support my claims and as a result, anything I attempted to say about the abuse was deemed as "inadmissable" in Court and wasn't taken into consideration in the Judge's final rulings.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I don't think that would be legal. Look, don't threaten him, just do it. Just press charges. This man should not get away with that type of behavior. And just what if he acts on it? If he's crazy enough to make the threats, he's probably crazy enough to actually do something to you or your new boyfriend. If you don't give him a wake up call, he could possibly harrass and threaten you for the rest of your life. Don't suffer through that when it's so easy for you to remedy the situation. Good luck.

Answer 8

This appears to be a situation where you guys are not going to be a \ble to dissolve your marriage in a civil manner. Therefore, you need an attorney -- expensive, but hey, looks like to have no choice. If he has caused so much pain, do all you can to avoid him, including moving out of state..... get a job transfer ,,,anything to put some real distance between you and him.... Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 9

Make him pay the piper he is a cruel hearted low life that will continue to mess up your life make sure he gets what he deserves ..jail time is the best and you need to move far away from this slime he is an animal,, you need a permanent restraining order drawn up but it has to be forever [permenant] so where ever you move keep getting them for your protection good luck sureilll

Answer 10

Im not a lawyer, but I think what you are talking about is Bribery. I am pretty sure that is illegal. I know how you must feel, but let your lawyer or the judge mess with stuff like that. Advice... if you have kids don't fight over tupperware. My parents had a messy divorce... it's no fun.

Answer 11

As to the divorces, you can force a setlement. If the parties dont agree its up to the court to split the property and set visitation.

As to your frioend getting threats, he can consider a protective order.

Good luck