Myhusband is going through a difficult time and keeps telling me he doesn't think things will work out with us. I tell him to leave and work out what he wants and he tells me that he can't afford it or he misses our sons too much.
This has been going on for months.
I don't want to push him but it is very difficult for me to live my life not knowing if I am planning a future with or without myhusband.
There is psychological things to consider here and he is signed up for help and has gone once but oit is taking weeks to get to the next session and they tell me with his case it could be a over a year if not more for him to work out everything.
I love him with all my heart and want what is best for him but I have to do what is best for me too. I need an answer. I have desions to make financially etc to consider.
Currently he is not bringing in an income. I handle everything for us from the finances to mowing the lawn.
Anyone been through this? Do I wait? Should he go?
2006-10-18 06:02:15 · 10 answers · asked by Sandra C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Foir those that think he is using me...I don't think so, he has always pulled his own share until recently with a mental breakdown caused by many uncontrolled factors.
I want him to have the best environment to get better and I don't know if letting him "have his cake and eat it too" is what he needs for now or do I do some tough love and get him out on his own?
I want more than anythign to stay togethr but it seems to be allowing him to not make any descisions. I really think it will be harder on me than him to ask him to leave but deep down I think it may be best.
2006-10-18 06:05:10 · update #1
Darling listen to me...if he's your husband there are going to be some ups and downs. He is dealing with some mental issues that may be affecting his ability to manage forward motion. I would support him in every way, financially, emotinally and physically if need be if my heart tells me so. Right now he needs his wife his better half and that is you. I am sure the time that it takes to get to a better place will be best spent knowing that someone believes in him and in your realationship. Try to hang in there and if I can do anything to help you through your emotional trying times you can email me...msmonicablack@yahoo.com. I know what it's like. He's in a bit of a rut and you have to be the strong one for the moment. I believe he will appreciate you for standing by him and draw from it. Have faith in him in you and in your marriage, I will keep you in my prayers, there are agencies that can help you compensate for the lack of income such as disability in your state. Your a strong woman and I believe you can overcome this trying season Darling...I did
2006-10-18 06:16:24 · answer #1 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you love him like you say you do, help him. The guy obviously needs help. You have children. Consider them. What if it does take a year. Isn't that worth a lifetime of knowing stuck it out ? You could look back 50 years from now after a long and happylife and be glad you stuck it out. Everyone goes through rough times in a relationship.
If this guy is the love of your life, step up and stand by him. What if it was you ?
All that said, when you two have a heart to heart conversation again (which you should) You ought to decide where the two of you are taking the marraige. Are you two still in love (truly)? Set goals to get the relationship back on track. Stay focused and COMMUNICATING !
Good Luck. Hope it works out for you...
2006-10-18 13:13:59 · answer #2 · answered by gdf888 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already know what to do, but you're afraid to do it.
Sometimes these "tough love" moments are best treated like removing band-aids - the quicker you do it, the quicker you can get over the trauma of doing it. Do you have a close friend to help you through this emotionally?
Be strong and do what you know you have to do, and do it soon. the longer you let these emotions stew, the worse you're going to feel and it could cause you to resent him.
Good Luck!
Aloha!!
2006-10-18 13:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs help. Stick with him and be patient. You have I suppose, married him with the usual vows? 'Til death us do part, or in sickness or health.
You sound like a nice woman. Be there to support him, but don't let him make you feel guilty about wanting to have your own life. Sure wait a bit, but don't give up your goals. Your life is too short to waste.
2006-10-18 13:11:15 · answer #4 · answered by persnicady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you leave? It's a big move but if he's not doing anything, the worst thing you can do is just sit there and wait. He's putting you through the ringer - so take action and show him you mean what you say!
2006-10-18 13:05:37 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got to worry about yourself and your son, If things are really bad i would get out of the situation, go to one of his friends and ask him to keep an eye on him that you need to leave and your worried about him. You can always leave for a week and see how he responds to it maybe if he loses you then he would relize what he is losing and wake up out his depression. I left my husband 3 years ago for 3 days and he came crawling back he said he relized what he was losing.
2006-10-18 13:13:31 · answer #6 · answered by Kendra M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you say is that your HUSBAND is going through a difficult time. Help him!!! Ask him what you can do to help!
2006-10-18 13:07:12 · answer #7 · answered by harry_potter_kid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you leave, or tell him to leave.
He is using you because he has neither the cojones to leave nor
the desire to stay with you.
Separate. Then if he wises up (or you do) you can approach this maturely.
If not, you havent lost much.
2006-10-18 13:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by hls 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SO STOP TELLING THE MAN TO LEAVE, AND LET HIM LEAVE ON HIS OWN. MEN LIKE THAT. SAY LEAVE, AND WITHIN A SECOND THIER GONE. LET HIM LEAVE ON HIS OWN. IF HE DOESN'T LEAVE, THEN THAT MEANS HE WANTS TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH YOU, JUST STOP PRESSURING HIM. JUST HELP HIM WHEN HE NEEDS IT.
LET HIM LEAVE IF HE WANTS TO
2006-10-19 11:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For better or worse....
2006-10-18 13:04:50 · answer #10 · answered by sundragonjess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋