my husband does not seem to be interested to initiate sex with me. I must start first. i feel sad. is it me?

Question

I feel loved and yet unloved. Sex is important to me, i need to feel his need for me, but i have not felt such security in a long time. I am tired of always making the first move. Please give me your opinions.

Answer 1

Talk to him about it. Ask HIM! If that doesn't help, dump him and find someone else!

Answer 2

Danger!!! There is a big problem with your relationship, which if you both do not work at soon, will have an unhappy ending. Have you talked to your husband about this and how it makes you feel. Have you ever rejected your husband when he made advances towards you in the past. Things like this can cause lasting damage. A grumpy push off without a good explanation is all it takes to end what has always been a loving sexual relationship. You may have created a barrier that he is not prepared to cross without an invitation. Do not as some people have answered above, start playing mind games. It will only make matters worse. It is immature and foolish. Start talking now!!

Answer 3

It should be important. It is a major part of a successful marriage.If he never initiates, there could be problems. Was he more interested before or is not really a surprise ? That is a common thing in relationships. People tend to think that marriage will make things better. It is hard to give a real opinion with little info ( age, length of marriage, kids etc ). Good luck ! Don't take it personal unless he tells you so. There are a myriad of reasons possible. Try talking to him. If he doesn't know how you feel, it's not fair to him. There could be medical problems. TALK !!

Answer 4

Guys hit their sexual peek at their younger 20's. Women hit it at their mid-thirties. This is a part of life. I'm not saying that he doesn't want sex anymore, just that it's not as important to him now as it was before. What you need to do is hold off for a while and make him come to you. Maybe he feels like he doesn't have to start it anymore because he knows your going to. Plus, its giving him a big head, "oh, my wife is all over me". Trust me, once you stop making the first move he will start to think....what is wrong? Thats when he is going to make a move on you and see if you go with it...go with it and then do it again the next time. The next time after that you can initiate it again. Just start changing it up and try to get him used to making a move again.

Answer 5

Thats what it feels like to be a man.

On a more sympathetic note the problem most likely rests with him and not you. There are too many things to mention which could cause him to have a low sex drive or to make him feel uncomfortable with sex. Maybe he has self confidence issues.

Talking with him is best thing but do it gradually and be patient.

Also maybe he is used to you making the first move and he has just become lazy in the relationship. Maybe you should'nt make things so easy for him and force him to work at it more.

Answer 6

Here you go Sadflower....I got this information from Christianitytoday.com....and there was a question similar to yours

There are two considerations that are important, however—things your husband needs to consider. The most important is your sexual desire and the frustration you're experiencing. It is healthier for you to have both the release of an orgasm and to enjoy a sense of intimacy. This is true physically and relationally, and he should be providing that for you. It sounds like you've tried to communicate clearly about your feelings, but you might explore with him what his feelings are in response to your frustration. Often men feel threatened by any suggestion of their mate's dissatisfaction.

That brings up the second issue for consideration: his sexual interest and libido. There are many possibilities for his lower drive and for most males they are scary to look at. Denial is usually the first line of defense. It just doesn't feel right to a man to admit he may not be sexually adequate to meet his wife's needs. We all like to think of ourselves as real studs (whatever that means).

I hope this helps Sadflower....

Answer 7

I had the same problem, I waited until he finally wanted it (like 2 weeks later) then I acted like I wasn't into it. He asked me what was wrong and I told him he doesn't do a good job letting me know I'm wanted. I explained that as a woman who wants it basically all the time; I needed to know he did too. He was worried he wanted too much, so the whole thing was a big misunderstanding. So talk to him first see how he feels then if he doesn't feel the same kick him to the curb!!

Answer 8

I agree to talk to him about it.He could be that way cause he's dealing with something.

I do however disagree with dumping him over it.That's the problem nowadays,people find it easier to dump someone in a relationship,rather then put the work in to save it.Then they whine about being alone,and regret leaving.

Here's something else instead of making the first move,just wait it out.Hold out until he makes the move.I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with you.Sometimes people get caught up in everyday life that they lose track of whats important to them.All relationships go through periods like yours,it's very common.

Hope this helps,and good luck to you

Answer 9

My boyfriend feels sad for the same reason - I have become ridgid and a bit scared because we almost broke up a month ago and I've not been able to since - if your story is similar, he needs to be made to feel secure again, if he's like me at all. That's a hard thing to advise on though - every couple's different. I'm sorry - - - x

Answer 10

I'm going through the same thing. My wife has no desire for affection at all. Our relationship has been pleutonic for at least 6 years. She is still my best friend and I would never divorce her. I feel very vulnerable but so far haven't encountered any real temptations. I know where you are coming from but don't know how to tell you to deal with it. Just wanted to let you know that your situation is not unique.

Answer 11

you really need to talk to him. seriously. if you want the marriage to continue then you need to tell him your worries. if you do not talk about the relationship will just get worse.
take him out to a quiet dinner (ask for quiet place - or go during the week when it is most quiet) and have a nice glass of wine and then talk to him - this way you are out of the house and both on even ground. dont back down because you are having a nice night and dont want to spoil it, remember you are there to talk. but dont say anything like 'we really need to talk' etc, it will create a black cloud over the evening before it even starts. just chat to him calmly and honestly. good luck, i hope it works out.