Tonight while in the car my husband decided to drive a different direction because he heard on the radio that their was an accident. I did not understand the way that he told me he was going to drive he repeated it to me like 3 times, but I still did not understand and was questioning him about not going another way. He decided to tell me to "SHUT UP" he said this to me many times. I have a form of Austim and sometimes I have a hard time with listening comprehension and understanding. My husband knows this but still tells me to shut up, and its not the first time he has done this to me. When I tried to stand up for myself, he said he didn't care and if I did not get the hint to stop talking he is going to say SHUT UP. I feel trapped, he doesn't care about respecting me and only cares about what he wants.I love him so much but feel that I cannot have him without the disrespect because he does not care. Please help, is this love???? He says he loves me.
2006-10-18 04:54:43 · 19 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He should care about your feelings.
And you should care about his feelings.
He showed that he care by trying to explain it several times. Then he became frustrated. He was driving a road that he may or may not of been completely familiar with. Should his attention at this point be on you are the road?
At what point should YOU start caring about his feelings?
If he's getting frustrated and driving he's more likely to get in an accident. Hasn't anyone ever told you not to drive when you are upset? Its because you're not thinking about what you are doing.
I think your husband did the right thing, BUT in a bad way.
2006-10-18 07:00:55 · answer #1 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not want to sound like I am not compassionate to your plight, but I have to side with your husband on this one. If you were unable to understand what he was saying, you should have put your trust in him that he knew what he was talking about. It sounds like you were being a little bit of a pest. In other words, you were getting on his nerves. It was of no importance that you understood why he was going a different way; all you needed to know was that he was going a different direction. I do not understand why you would continue to question him. It sounds like telling you to shut up was a last resort. You should trust him more, and stop pestering him every time he does something you do not understand. A better answer from him would have been "because that is what I am doing", but I understand why he lost his temper. I would not worry about his love for you. Try to be more conscious of your constant nagging, bitching, and whining. I apologize for the blunt, harsh nature of this response.
2006-10-18 12:12:10 · answer #2 · answered by Bill 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand the issues you have with Autism.... but in this case, I don't think it was purposeful disrespect,... it was more frustration. He is not the only one that has to make concessions and adjustments regarding your condition. You have to recognize your limits and you didn't in this case. If you have that type of cognitive problem with absorbing detailed information like that... and you freely admit you couldn't understand his explanation, then you should have just let him get on with it instead of making him repeat himself while he was trying to concentrate on what he was doing. Take a little responsibility for this one and stop making him out to be some verbally abusive asshole.... when all you needed to do was sit back and let him handle it instead of playing 30 questions about his choice of directions..... he was the one driving.
2006-10-18 12:50:39 · answer #3 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me lik he is selfcentered. Do you want a relationship where your husband does not respect you? You need to be honest with him about how you feel and talk about this. If you do not bring it up and stand up for yourself then he will keep doing it. You do not need to be with a man that does not respect you. Drop it at the time and then go back to it once you have both had time to cool off and think about it. Did it really matter what way he was going as long as you got there? Just talk honestly and open and tell him how it hurts when he tells you to shut up.
2006-10-18 12:04:42 · answer #4 · answered by dr's mom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't mean this in a bad way toward you, but "why" don't you do what he wants...shut up.. "for a long time", stop asking him questions, just ignore him and say 'o.k.'.. I think that will get your point across to him. Maybe the he will "think twice" before he tells you to "shut up" again.
He is disrespecting you..and taking advantage of you, so if this doesn't teach him a lesson, I would be gone.. You don't need to be spoken to like that.
Best wishes to you.
2006-10-18 12:08:43 · answer #5 · answered by gemma 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He loves you yes but he needs to stop stay that word and have patience why can:t he say be quiet he has to learn to respect the fact that you have this problem this is so like a man to have no patience...sit him down and have a serious talk..this a minor problem that can be resolved ..tell him how much this hurts you and that love means not hurting each other good luck sureill
2006-10-18 12:11:38 · answer #6 · answered by COOKIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you both should go to a counselor in your area. Your hubby shouldn't disrespect you like that on an ongoing basis. We all lose our tempers (or find our tempers) on occasion and say things we don't mean in a moment of anger, but it shouldn't happen all the time. Good luck, honey. You gotta watch the guys with a bad temper. It doesn't usually get better when you get married.
2006-10-18 12:05:16 · answer #7 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok so he should be nicer b/c of the autism thing BUT you might need to learn his body language better so that you don't get him that frustrated. I know it is a HUGE pet peeve for me to have to repeat things over and over and it takes alot for me to not yell at my husband when I have to keep repeating things (he has some hearing loss from when he was Iraq) During a time when he's acting normal you guys should sit and talk about this and tell him that when he gets frustrated and angry in the future to just tell you and then you need to stop asking him to repeat himself. (especially when he's driving...that's not the time to kep asking stuff over and over...it's very distracting)
2006-10-18 12:22:47 · answer #8 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not respect you at all! Get away. He sounds like he will become abusive in the future. Dont let him hurt you, go talk to a lawyer, go stay with family and get the hell out of there. if this was a one time thing, Id say hes just being pissy but if he's done it a lot, you need to get out of there.
2006-10-18 12:01:10 · answer #9 · answered by katie-bug 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he did it because he was frustrated. And if so you both owe eachother an apology. Him for loosing his temper and you to make him feel better. Men need that. It's wrong, yes I know. But they are like children sometimes.
2006-10-18 12:03:29 · answer #10 · answered by Asia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋