i've got a great story: title: ThunderBlot part1?
Ricardo a high school student is just a normal kid normal school life, he hates comic books, he hates them so much he'll burn them, he thinks comic books are for pussys only:
one day one of ricardos friends buys a comic book, while at his house ricardo frends accidentaly leaves huis comic book at his house, EVENTUALLY Ricardo find the comic book and thrwos away on to the thrash, on a stormy day, somehting starge happnes the comic book comes to life, the spirit of the comic book characters comes to life, the comic bookn was about the story of ThunderBolt a superhero who fights crime, the spirit of that hero and its villians spread across the earth looking for a new soul. The spirit of the hero finds ricardo while the spirit finds ricardos worst enemies: his principal Mr. Jamestown, who has the spirt of the veil villian Gurth, while the ohther 6 evil spirits finds ricardos teachers, including his english, math, history, science, sooner or later ricardo discovers his new powers.
2006-10-18 04:49:18 · 8 answers · asked by garnes d 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Sounds good to me. I'd give it an 8.
2006-10-18 04:51:18 · answer #1 · answered by RIDLEY 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
The science doesn't make sense. How could the characters in a comic book come to life because it is thrown onto a fire? Great story but try to give better more believable reasons for what happens. Rated 7 out of 10!
2006-10-18 11:53:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 of 10
Thunderbolt needs a super hero.
I did enjoy that you are so creative and love the details.
To Fix it:
Serious editing, poor spelling ruins any story, fix the excessive use of repetitive words, comma errors and restructure the sentences. Cut out the excessive use of "Richardo" by name.
Character development can be a more focused.
Describe the mundane world, Normal is not enough.
His personality as violent was not a proper set up for Super hero.
We get he doesn't' like comics, yet he must be merged by them, so that "he" can involve into one himself...so give him an obsessed side kick or some point of reference [build that character up].
Give us a hint of "new powers" as a struggle for your character in both personal and school life.
I highly recommend that you "spin" the school/education in a more positive light, the "hate" of high school is not acceptable. You need to expand the emotional range of the difficulty of reaching the goals and expectations of "normal" kids.
Mr Jamestown needs a few sentences to set up "evil" teachers and "the bad guys".
Best wishes.
In a few days its the start of a novel writing campaign for FUN... Its called NaNo.com it runs for the entire month of November.
What you have is great for that! Check it out. Keep on Writing.
2006-10-18 12:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Denise W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
5/10
2006-10-18 17:36:54 · answer #4 · answered by EdwardCullen+BellaSwan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6/10
2006-10-18 11:52:08 · answer #5 · answered by Lilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Zero..
If you don't use proper grammar and learn to spell correctly, no one will be able to understand what you write. The story line is lame at best. If you are in high school, you should concentrate more on studies than comic books. Education is free and once you have it, no one can take it away from you. It seems that somehow you are expressing disdain for your gift of education that is being presented to you free of charge. You should praise your teachers for being able to tolerate such behavior.
2006-10-18 12:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a cute story. However, make more teenie. Why does he hate comic books? Example: Father grow up loving comic books and is a complete loser, and the son resents his father and hates it because of what he does with his money and time. build on it!
2006-10-18 12:06:37 · answer #7 · answered by marcus93257 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds pretty good - clean it up a bit. 7/10
2006-10-18 12:00:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋