Can our marriage be saved?

Question

I am 6 mo. pregnant and ordered to be on bed rest. Which I haven't really been doing. My husband is having a hard time with me not working. Since I have come home from the hospital he has voiced things that I do or do not do that he does not feel is fair. I have a hard time talking w/ him and suggested counseling. He does not want to go. He feels that wont help. I tend to cry when he voices his opnion and he gets frustrated with that. He has told me that if things dont change dont be surpised when he ends it. Can counseling help us, what should I do? Please help

Answer 1

tell him to grow up and carry the baby,, he needs to do his part, it isnt your fault you are having trouble with the baby,

tell his mother to tell him to grow up,

Answer 2

First off if your doctor has put you on bedrest than that is what you need to be doing. Do you want to risk having complications or having an early birth because you aren't listening to the doctor. I don't care what your husband says about working. Let him know this is what the doctors orders are and if he wants a healthy daughter or son then he needs to respect that. Soundsw like he is being a jerk to you thru all this. Is this pregancy something that both of you wanted? What is he problem? You too need to talk seriously and if if he isn't wil;ling to work on things or go to counseling then after the baby is born you need to decide whether this is a healthy relationship to be in. I don't condone divorce, but sometimes I wonder when the guy is being a huge jerlk or visa versa. And when they just don't want to work on making it a good marriage. That is just beyond me. He is being very selfsih considering you are carrying his child. he should be working hard on trying to make you comfortable during this time and picking up the extra slack until you are feeling well enough to help. I am sorry, but I would be very angry and upset at this. I was on bedrest and my husband had no choice, but to travel for his work fo I was left alone and did not follow my doctors orders. I was in and out of the hosptal several times a week until I had my daughter 4 weeks early and premature. I was mad at myself for not listening better. My husband felt so bad that he actually quite his job anf found one not traveling. Sometimes these things in life warrant change in the way you do things. He needs to be doing the right thing and go to counseling or cut you some slack. I wish you the best and congratualtions on your pregnancy. Please do as the doctor asks. I beg of you for the sake of your child. Things can stay a little messy around you until this baby is bron and then worry about it.

Answer 3

OMG.. you can't be serious! Did he marry you willingly or did you pressure him into it? I only ask because he does not sound like a loving husband who wants to be married with a family.

If he can't understand your need for bed rest at this time of your life, and can fix his mouth to complain to you about you..with your hormones all over the place while pregnant, he is an insensitive selfish bastard and he is only going to get worse.

Once baby comes your time for him will shift and he wont be the center of your attention any more. He already resents you... so he probably wont help with the baby or the house and leave everything on your shoulders.

If he wont go to counseling and all he does is berate you and tell you if YOU don't change don't be surprised if he ends it.. what's to save? He's telling you plain as day he wants out...but he is hoping he can push you into being the one to call it off. So he wont look like the bad guy walking away from his pregnant wife.

This also sounds like a guy that will cheat on you if he already hasn't...and blame you for it.

If you have family .. I say run .. don't walk back to your parents home so you can have this baby in peace and it can be raised in a loving environment of you, grandparents and extended family. You need to be surrounded by love... not resentment an anger.

Let him live on his own without you and see how he really likes it. If he comes crawling back.. don't go without joint counseling. If he doesn't come back at all.. at least you didn't waste another day with that a**hole jerk.

Good luck

Answer 4

Honey I hate to say this, but, this guy sounds like a Class A jerk. I think this will get worse before it gets better, and if he's unwilling to get counseling now, imagine your future. The only thing I can suggest is when he starts to bite into you about what you do or haven't done, BITE BACK. You have to be on bed rest and that's not negotiable.

If he can't help with your very very best interest at this time, if he's THIS insensitive while your pregnant, holy smokes imagine how he'll be later. You stand your ground and simply say you WON'T accept his cr@p while you're ill and if he has NOTHING nice to say to not say anything at all. Stand up for yourself no matter what. Once you have your baby, make your next decision. In the meantime, try to relax and not let this bonehead bother you. Lock your door if you have to.

Answer 5

deja-vu! When a man doesn't think that counseling will help...he is unwilling to open the door of possiblities. I am currently hearing the same from my spouse...counseling won't help; yet I'm more than willing. What's wrong with these guys? Honey, don't get stressed out...not now. You have yourself and a baby to worry about. Take care of you. Its difficult when you are in such an emotional state, to deal, or handle all this stress. You may be taking everything to heart. Most women do. Ask him, what needs to change? What does he want or expect from you, this relationship, and your life together as a family. Maybe he is feeling overwhelmed right now, financially and emotionally. Maybe he is worried about you and the baby. Talk to him. Talk to each other.

Answer 6

I have heard of stories where there are issues due to the stress of pregnancy but are resolved once the baby is born. I think the part of bed rest is an additional problem. It sounds like he is being insensitive like he is used to someone taking care of him and now that the roles are reversed he can't handle it. Counseling might work if you can get him to go, otherwise it still might be worth going for yourself. I'm sure your hormones are also playing a large role in your sensitivity levels, hence the crying when he voices his issues. Try to remain calm when dealing him. Good luck! Hope your baby is healthy! That seems to be the most important thing.

Answer 7

Here's something that will get his attention. Tell your husband that if he doesn't get counseling then you'll get divorced. Now since you're six months pregnant you have the power. If divorced you get child support...that's approx 20% of his net income for a long time (18-22 years). Also he will be resonsible for 1/2 of the childs college expenses. Also tell him that you will seek alimony until you can get on your feet (up to an additional 20% of his income)

This should get his attention...if not then he's schit stupid!

Men today don't realize that the courts are now enforcing the natural responsibilities of fatherhood. When a man commits to a woman and lets go his sperm he's not fully cognizant of just what he's letting go of. IF he makes $50,000 a year then he can count on at least $700/month plus other misc charges thorough out the life of his child. That's why it's so very important that young men relize just what they are getting into.

Rather you realize it or not you have the power over him for a long long time. If he doesn't straighten up then he will pay and pay and pay.

Check out the following website...it details just what goes on with divorce.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Good luck

Answer 8

Yeah counseling might help you. But honestly all I see is the fact that your husband is being a jerk because of the fact your not doing your part and sounds like he's being a baby. Its not your fault your on bed rest and cant work. You do need to sit down and talk with him but maybe counseling would be a good idea. Don't forget, you could also being crying because of the hormones not because of whatever reason. Just try and talk to him, let him know you still love him and want to be with him. But he needs to help and he needs to stop being a big baby.

Answer 9

Counceling may help you, and only you, as your husband is not interested in counceling.
There are some things that seem unclear. How long you have been married, how involved he is in your unborn child and doctor's visits, does not working hurt your family financially and what you are doing if you aren't on bed rest?
Not knowing these variables, I am guessing that your husband may not understand why you need to be on bed rest, and doesn't know how to handle the role of care giver for you and may be afraid of his upcomng role as a caregiver to his unborn child. He may as well be stressing over finances, as you are not working. He sounds to be scared. If I may offer suggestions .... have him go to the doctor with you and take an active part of the well being of you and his child. Reassure him that everything will be okay finacially and you are willing to help out in the household as long as your well being and your child's well being are not put at risk. And, when you feel like crying, give him a hug/kiss ~ smile! It will turn both of your negative energy into positive energy and diffuse the "anger". Again, the counceling may help you deal with the situation and that is what it sounds like you need. Best wishes to you and your family!

Answer 10

If you cant talk to him, you have lost him already. The part about you crying and him getting frustrated is ridiculous. You are pregnant and he should be happy and if he cant give you love you deserve while pregnant, you should consider leaving even just for space. I think the fact that he told you to not be surprised if he leaves, that is not a good husband and he will not be a good father if he makes threats when things get hard. Its marriage you have to work through thing TOGETHER otherwise there is no point.

good luck

Answer 11

He's being a jerk. I'm sure you would much rather be up and working and to not be having problems with your pregnancy. Maybe you should get your dr to explain to him exactly what you can and cannot do and why. I really hope you can work this out though. He may be just venting his stress and worry on you (of course that is totally the wrong thing to be doing though!) so counseling might help you guys out too. Good luck with this and the baby! ;-)