how to get over a death??

Question

my fiance died 3 yrs ago and i have yet been able to get over it.he died at home and i found him when i came home. i have been to nutters and all they say is that it will take time. its been 3 yrs!!! how long am i going to feel empty inside and be upset when things like our aniversary and his b-day and the day he died comes around? it also makes it worse coz my son is now 3 and he wants to know where his daddy is. i havent dated since so theres no like step parent to help explain. is there anyone that has gone through this type of thing that is willing to talk to me about it??

btw i have told my son his daddy has died but he doesnt seem to understand that hes not coming back....

Answer 1

Grieve! It takes as long as it takes. Talk, talk talk, about it with everyone that will listen. Get those feelings out there! If you want someone to vent, vent, vent to, email me. I am no stranger to the rain. I know what you are feeling and I can introduce you to more people like you. When you mentally deal with death, it is like a form of silent persection. But when you voice those thoughts, they are not quite as harmfull as your brain intrepets it to your heart. Now I am not saying, "you are not hurting". You are! But you have stages to go threw to get better. Check my 360, I will be happy to talk to you about this as long as you need.

Answer 2

I know u may not want 2 hear this, but in my experience (I'm only young, mind) u never do 'get over it'. Nor should u want 2. What u need 2 do is try 2 accept what happened. It must b doubly hard bringin up his child on ur own. Keepin busy, eatin well & gettin a good night's sleep r all important, but r not quick fixes, I know. Is there any way u can go 4 counselling? People may have tried to get u out & about, doing FUN & EXCITIN things, but that only ever made me feel worse. The quieter things, like board games, distracted me much more (though never completely) than feelin like the loneliest person in a roomful of noisy people. Go 2 ur doctor & ask what action is best 4 ur son's developnment when he wants 2 know about daddy, but u don't feel u can cope. Maybe try the Samaritans.
Good luck, x

Answer 3

I am very sorry about your loss. People grieve at different rates, there is no set schedule for getting over it. It's not that you will ever feel like you did before-- loss of a loved one is the #1 stress.
When those days come around that remind you of your departed fiance, focus on your little one. He needs you. It's ok to tell him his daddy went to heaven and still loves him very very much, and you do too.
Someday you will feel okay about not dwelling on your fiance. There are support groups out there. Look in the newspaper's community section, or in the religion section, for events and groups.

Answer 4

I'm sure you are going to get answers like this one all day, but it's true, there isn't much you can do is give it time. He is in a better place and there's only so much you can do. It' not about letting go as is it about moving on and living your life. Think about your son, do you want him to see you down all the time. You don't have to go out and play the field, date, or anything like that. But you do need to live your life and be that great mother that your son deserves.

Answer 5

you have to learn to accept that your fiance is never coming back. i think its time to move on. think about your son. he doesnt need to live through his life seeing you miserable and lonely. Besides, your fiance did not leave you alone, he left you the best memory he can through your son. Why dont you pour out the love you have for your fiance to your son. Your son, on the other hand is still too young to understand death, so dont push him. As he grows older, he will come to understand everything. All you have to do is remember all the good times you had with your fiance and share them with your son. Move on...live your life...

Answer 6

i havent been thru this exact situation, but i felt i needed to answer. focus on your son, he needs you. and since you have a son with this man, it will probably mean you will never fully get over losing him. but you have to keep going, for your sons sake. its not a question of when or how, its do it because you have to. it sucks, i know. but its life. and maybe you should try dating a little, slowly at first. just go out and have a little fun. you know your fiancee would want you to be happy and move on. good luck, and i am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

its not me but my friend and i have been there every step of the way you sound like her and she can't take the first step either. she hangs on i got her the book magical thinking hoping it would help. i do not live in the same town but i often think a group setting with others getting over would help. she is in her 30's and does not drive . but i do believe a group going thru same issues be good.she even dreams about him . it all boils down to you and you alone tho...........join things enjoy nature take walks enjoy that son and speak to your son about his dad when he gets older so he will grow up knowing who he was .

Answer 8

hi hunny
things like that are hard to move on from but at the end of the day every day gets easier and i know its not easy but things will get better and u need to move on doing normal day to day things and it will get easier and yeh it will take time think positive and get on wiv things for ur life it is hard to get over things but its good if u get on wiv things and on those daysu could light a candle and have a moment to think about all the happy things u and him went though it is gonna be hard but u need to think positive i hope ive helped u abit
keep ya chin up
and just think he's gonna want u to move on and not be depressed/unhappy all ur life
from kate

Answer 9

If someone close to you has died, you may be feeling many different emotions. You may be sad, worried, or scared. You might be shocked, unprepared, or confused. You might be feeling angry, cheated, relieved, guilty, exhausted, or just plain empty. Your emotions might be stronger or deeper than usual or mixed together in ways you've never experienced before.
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/someone_died.html

Answer 10

i know its goin to be hard but move on with your life. tell your son where his father is. don't hate it from him it will hurt more. i've lost my grandma on xmas 1997 and it still hurts to think of her. my grandpa passed on february 2007. it also hurts talking about him. but at least there together. date other ppl and see wat happens.