My Relationship that I am currently in is suffering because of the hurt I had in the past..I no longer Trust anyone and I know I love this person very much but I have problems showing Love for the fear of getting hurt again...In my past I was cheated on Lied to and so much more. So How do I get past all that hurt?
2006-10-18 04:00:31 · 19 answers · asked by Payton71 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like the Amish and the family who's husband/father killed their children.. Forgive that person. You don't have to wait for them to ask forgiveness. Forgive her. She did you great wrongs.
That way you can heal. Bitterness is what you're experiencing and it's keeping you from experiencing the full measure of love that she has to give.
Dude, she's NOT the one who hurt you. By allowing this former lover to exert control over your life by your own harboring of bitter feelings, you hurting yourself constantly and this new love interest. You don't know it, but your viewing this new love through the lens of your bitterness, anger, and pain. She had nothing to do with it.
Ship those feelings out, let the scars heal. You say you don't want to get hurt again... That's good and I can appreciate it, but if you don't chance getting hurt, you also don't chance finding someone who says, "Buddy, I love YOU... I'm not her... Come into my heart and experience what love truly is!!!"
You harbor the pain and hurt, it won't heal as you've experienced. You allow it to heal, you are stronger than you were before... YOU know what to look for, the warning signs...
You can learn to read their actions and body language... With experience comes more knowledge...
Send the S.S. Bitterness out to sea... Forgive the person that inflicted the pain... Then allow yourself some time to heal up and see clearly if this new relationship is really in love with you...
You start seeing the warning signs with the new love... You know not to open up the full port... She doesn't show any of the same signals of pain and mistrust... You open up a little more.. Pretty soon, she shows you... I'm not her... I love you...
2006-10-18 04:16:36 · answer #1 · answered by James B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you don't find a way to get past it, you will ruin any relationship you have. You carry it all around and for what? I just woke up one day and realized that I didn't want to be angry anymore. The past was right where it needed to be.....over with. I wanted to concentrate on my future and I couldn't do that with the past always surfacing. If you are always looking in the rear view mirror...you will never see what is right in front of you.
Review your past from time to time so as not to make the same mistakes, but never let it control your future. It could be that you are still carrying it all around with you, because you haven't evaluated what really happened...or where you went wrong. All you have done is focused on the hurt you have felt. Really try to see your own mistakes and you will be able to let it all go.
2006-10-18 04:09:56 · answer #2 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never get past the hurt or the pain of someone elses mistakes, but your new bf should realize the fact of what has happened in the past. I understand what you are going through. Just take it day by day and realize all the good things that this new relationship has brought. If he hurts you then you know it was not meant to be.
2006-10-18 04:06:54 · answer #3 · answered by Christa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it takes time to get over these things. If you are really hurt it can take years. This is something that tends to stick with you and expecially if you are younger. I was in a sexual and physical abusive realtionship when I was 17-18 years old and it took me almost until I was 34 to get over all the fears that came with that. Not saying I was a wreak, but some things that would crop up would give me insecure feelings. You work thru these things in time and if you are religious you give them over to God and let him heal you of them. If you want to have a good relationship with this person than you need to try to let go a bit and trust them. You will never know until you try. Give it a try.
2006-10-18 04:09:07 · answer #4 · answered by hehmommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The reason for your insecurity now is because you have not forgiven. You harbor resentment. You lost. That's what's driving you nuts. So you were cheated on. Mature , let go , and move on. It's not fair to measure all with the same yard-stick. If you don't let go, you'll never be happy in this relation nor any other for that matter. Unfaithfulness is one of life's quirks. It's not fair to the person you are with. You are making that person pay for the plates he didn't break. See what I mean?
2006-10-18 04:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to learn to let go of the hurt, you must realize that this person isn't the one that hurt you. I was hurt really bad by someone and he was someone that i did love but, of course he had to mess it up between us. I never thought I would be able to let go of what happened. But i had to realize that if i didn't i would never be able to be happy. Be cautious but if you care about this person and he cares let him at least a little bit and then just take it day by day. I am in love and a have beautiful baby.
2006-10-18 04:09:50 · answer #6 · answered by lilbitmh1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time, and any time mistrust rears it's ugly head, you've got to stop before you say or act on past inhibitions and evaluate your current situation from a nuetral perspective. It means introspecting A LOT, but it's worth it. I've destroyed past relationships due to my own unresolved inner issues with trust and commitment, and regretted it later. Getting past your hurt means getting over yourself. Best of luck.
2006-10-18 04:03:14 · answer #7 · answered by Leena Rosen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i am in the same kind u kno what i try to do is get rid of all the past forget about the past begin a new start show him u love him if u do like i siad forget about ur realtionship with the other one becaue the one now is a whole new man ok goodluck it will get easier not harder
2006-10-18 04:03:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldnt judge a book by the cover- not all men cheat or lie- so you have to have a renewed faith with each new guy that comes along, anyways its not the end of the world if they cheat their are plenty of fish in the sea- trust me I should know I dated plenty of them. Just think of it as an adventure.
2006-10-18 04:02:52 · answer #9 · answered by cats4ever2k1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit using excuses. How do you walk again after you trip and fall? You just do. I think it's a cop out to use your past as a reason. U r who you are if you want to make it work you will.
2006-10-18 04:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by Mitzi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋