Everytime we talk about divorce he gets really pissy and wont' really lisen to me,, I keep playing the good wife but I don't think I am happy nor do I think things will get much better,, I am starting to think that maybe I should just work up the divorce papers and surprise him with them? Or do you think that's the cowardly way out?? We are in marriage therpahy but things seem to be going slow there. I just don't know what to do.
2006-10-18 03:24:55 · 16 answers · asked by B V 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hmmmm.. That's a very good question.
I've once heard that once the D word is initiated within a marraige nothing will ever be the same, so make sure your'e absolutley sure about the whole idea. Aslo, have you spoken to him to find out what he's holding on to? I mean why do you want a divorce, and he dosent??? I'm asking, because about a year ago, I was faced with this same dilema. I was totally fed up within my marraige, and I wanted out. My spouse, on the other hand, wanted to work things out, and go the counseling route. We did, but I still have that sense of regret. For me, counseling was the equvilant of putting a band-aid on a gun shot wound. Yeah, helped a little bit, but the whole reason why I wanted a divorce still exists. I've drawn up the papers, and we've actually sat down and discussed options concerning our children. He has not signed the papers yet...
I do not think that writing up the papers are the cowardly way out, if this is something that you seriousy want to do, then maybe it'll be a wake up call for him. Of course, there's no guarantee that he'll even sign them.
Not to sound selfish or anything, but it's of the utmost importance to ensure your own happiness, before you can make anyone else happy. If your'e unhappy in a relationship, you have to do what's best for you. My situation includes children, which makes it tougher... So all in all, you have to do what's best for you.
I truly wish you the best of luck, and future happiness,
Devynedesigns@yahoo.com
2006-10-18 03:42:51 · answer #1 · answered by devynedesigns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the counselor about your frustration with how things are not progressing and your feelings about starting divorce proceedings. Why don't you think you aren't happy? I wouldn't surprise him, I would certainly tell him upfront that you are going to the attorney to do the papers for divorce, then move forward there if that is what you feel like you have to do. Good luck, honey.
2006-10-18 03:29:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage therapy is a good thing, he goes with you right?? So he is at least doing this. How long have you been going??? How long have you been Married??? You love him???? Do you still have a sexualy relationship??? All these things should have been in your question, hard to say the divorce word without really knowing anything.
2006-10-18 03:37:37 · answer #3 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why it needs to be a surprise.
If you are ready to end the relationship, just tell him that you are filing for a divorce. If you're in therapy, then he should know the reasons.
I think a lot of men just go to therapy to shut a woman up without any intention to really change. Decide what you are willing to live with, communicate it with him, then step up and do it.
2006-10-18 03:51:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to make yourself happy, no one else is looking out for your emotions 24/7...they are busy with their own. Make yourself happy by getting a divorce, if this is what you want. The way you do it is completely up to you, he obviously doesn't take you seriously and needs to be pushed in one direction or another. Maybe the papers will help him realize this isn't just about him and what he wants.
2006-10-18 03:29:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? To me it's for better or worse! You both have to work hard at it. It's not going to be easy.. If divorce is what you want and you want to take the easy way out then do it to his face. Don't let him think you are getting better when you're not! Don't lead him on..to thinking you have a chance at this marriage...L.
2006-10-18 03:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by ben and lisa h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that happened to a friend of mine.. his wife just surpised him after she'd been working on divorce papers for months.. everyone hates her now because of the way she handled that.. I would suggest trying to work things out before resorting to divorce.. maybe he gets "pissy" because he doesn't like the idea of divorce.. that should tell you he's committeed to working things out..
2006-10-18 03:29:05 · answer #7 · answered by Byakuya 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would bring this up in therapy as to the level of frustration you are experiencing, but not ht serving papers portion.
The problem with that is you may have to follow through. Are you ready for that?
2006-10-18 03:26:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I WOULD JUST SAY YOU GOING TO FILE. YOU ARE PLAYING HAPPY, HE THINKS YOU MUST BE HAPPY. JUST TELL THE GUY WHAT YOU WANT, STOP WITH THE GAMES!!! THE GUY SOUNDS LIKE HE DOES NOT WANT A DIVORCE. HOW CAN THINGS GET BETTER WITH THE GAME PLAYING? TALK YOU TWO. DO NOT YELL AND CUSS, JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT.
2006-10-18 03:36:50 · answer #9 · answered by Gayle M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would file the papers, seems to me that you are allowing yourself to still be in pain while playing the "good wife", you don't have to do that, it's only making you miserable.
2006-10-18 03:27:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋