Men 30 and over with long term relationship experience only...HELP!?

Question

For the past five years I have been involved in a serious relationship (live in, talked marriage). Yesterday I sat down and told him I was ending the relationship, I could no longer try.
The reasons being he does not hold a job (usually no more than 3-4 weeks), takes a month or two to find another, sometimes longer (isn't even putting in applications).
He has a problem with lieing, about everything and anything.
He has cheated on me in the past, has been caught posting personal ads, and just recently had a girls phone number which he received from a girl at a drive through restaraunt. (I found it one week ago today).
This behaivior has been going on throughout the relationship, and we have broken up several times because of it. For some reason, finding that girls number just put the straw on that broke the camels back.
He doesn't believe that the reasons I stated are why I am breaking this off, or this is inappropriate. Does anyone out there think I am wrong, give your opinions.

To those who wanted to know why I waited so long...Their are 3 grandchildren involved who have known him as Pa-Pa their entire lives and love him very much. I was thinking of more than myself in dealing with this mess.

The reason I posted this question was to email it to him after everyone voices their opinion.

Answer 1

Let's take a look at the situation logically:

(1) You gave him 5 years to see if it was a match...it wasn't
(2) You gave him ample opportunity to prove stability to provide for a family (job)....he couldn't
(3) You gave him your trust and expected it in return....he lied.
(4) You gave him your fidelity and expected it in return....he cheated.
(5) You gave him many times to return to prove himself...each time he failed.
(6) You expressed your feelings about why the relationship isn't working....and he still doesn't "get it."

The logic is clear.

He isn't the person for you. If he doesn't "get it" as to why, that is his problem...his ownership of it....not yours. Don't worry or give it another thought as to why he doesn't understand. That is his problem to work through.

Move on to happiness elsewhere.
Peace.

Answer 2

I am just over 40 and have been married for 21 years.

You have waited 4 years and 11 months to long now, don't waste another day.

I assume you hold down a job and pay the bills, while he goes out and cats around. He lies to you and is lazy.

Don't take this to hard, but what in the world do you see in him????

A man cannot become a husband until he becomes a man, you are waisting your life on a boy, he may never grow up, you Will just grow old waiting.

I'll bet he has a motorcycle and is heavily involved in some "Manly" sport like Softball or surfing? I'll also bet he spends a lot of time with friends at bars, or other expensive hobbies as well.

Dump him and find a REAL Man, life is way to short for losers.

You need to also get some help for your low self esteem.

I don't mean to be hard on you!

Peace!

Answer 3

Of course he's not going to believe the reasons you give. Just like he obviously doesn't believe in;
Fidelity
Gainful employment
Being truthful

Shall I continue? So I'm under the impression that you've decided that you willl end this. Period. So here's my question to you? What took you so long? I'm always curious as to why a seemingly intelligent female that apparently works, is articulate and can certainally tell not just right from wrong but can evaluate what the problems are in a relationship...stays with a loser? Is it the fact that he can fu*k like a champ? Is that it. because believe it or not most women associate "He really loves me because he tells me" with that. You see....there are countless men out there who'll sponge off of you and take you for everything because they know if they whimper a little, bring you flowers (that they usually wait until the hearse leaves the cemetery and the grave is filled before they grab a bundle of lilacs, cut off the ribbon that says "Mother" and give 'em to you) and then after schmoozing you with "I love you baby"...get their rocks off and then go back to what they were doing. See? Problem solved for now.
So..you break up...get back...break up...get back. Do you really have that little self confidence in yourself that you'll waste precious months or years of your life with a guy whose a bloodsucking tick?
Finally...why do you even need anyone to tell you if you're right in this decision?
Gee...my problem is that I looked long and hard for a mate that could be just as independant on her own as I could and had the same moral qualities I possessed. Guess that was a mistake huh? I've been with her for 22 years now. Maybe I should have hooked up with you. Then I wouldn't still be working despite the fact I can walk out today with a $45,000.00 a year pension and 90% of our prescriptions paid and health/hospital bills covered until she and I die. I could have let you work instead. Then just lay around, drink beer and try and pick up hot and horny woman on the internet and My Space. Ahhh...what a life! Hey! get me another beer while you're up!

What a fool I must be huh?

Answer 4

This may sound glib but it's not meant to. DUMP HIS *** real quick. I am over 30 and know what I am talking about. All animals (humans included) are creatures of habit. He has shown you his patterns and do you want another 20-30 years of that ****.? Dump him and either he or you move far away. Don't let him sweet talk you into getting back together because he will keep doing the same things over and over again. He may talk a great line but his past actions speak louder than words. Please take care, be carefull and have fun.

[e-mail]

Answer 5

I won't re-hash what has already been said (you're right) but since you indicated that you were going to pass this on , I'll say this to him "If you couldn't get your act together and be responsible you get what you deserve. What makes you think that you can have your cake and eat it to. Life doesn't work that way. There are more people in the world than just you. Grow up or move on."

Answer 6

The only unwise decision you've made is staying for 5 years. Ending it is the first wise decision you've made regarding your relationship.
All of these added up together spells trouble. Why does he think you should stick around for more. He's just upset because he's lost his sure thing. He wanted to whore around and have the sure thing to come home to if he couldn't find anything better.
Good for you for standing up for yourself.

Answer 7

So he thinks that being a consistently unemployed cheating liar is not a good reason for you to break up with him. Most women would break up with a guy for any one of those -- you have the triple threat! Dump him. Believing your reasons is not a prerequisite for the dump.

Answer 8

You are absolutely not wrong, the job issue will never get better, and the affairs probably wont stop either. Some people are just takers. Everyone deserves better than that

Answer 9

Honey, you did the right thing. Move on and dump this loser, and NEVER take him back, no matter what he promises. He is a liar, cheater and is lazy. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own life. You are doing the right thing, but I'm sorry because I know it hurts you. It will get better.....I promise....

Answer 10

The reasons you listed are enough. I'm not a man, but I think you are doing the right thing. Absolutely.