My husband has a problem with my part time bar job. He is insecure, he seems to think someone else will attract my attention even though I have never given him a reason to belive I would even consider cheating. (I am the product of a 7 year affair and I never knew may father till I was 23. I know how much pain it can cause.) Yet he sees nothing wrong with going to a strip club. He says my bar tending job is no different then me being a stripper. If there is nothing wrong with him going to watch a stripper how does he think it is bad for me to tend bar or beter yet be a stripper myself.
2006-10-18 03:20:48 · 16 answers · asked by runzwsizorz 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think this is a case of don't do as I do, Do as I say. A power struggle if there ever was one, How you overcome this is a good question. he is insecure, and has no reason to be. you come from a back ground full of pain because of infidelity, so you can handle this type of job with no problems. Perhaps you should ask your husband why he has such trust issues with you and your choice of employment, you may be able to sort it out
2006-10-18 03:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he's insecure. Unless you work at a topless bar, your job isn't the same as being a stripper. I would be a little worried about how he treats the bartenders at the strip clubs. How bad do you need the job. I'd just say if he stops going to the strip clubs, you'll get a different job. He's wrong, but sometimes in marriage we have to compromise.
2006-10-18 03:26:35 · answer #2 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you, I was a stripper for 13 years. There is a BIG difference between being a bar tender and a stripper.
He is making excuses and spending money that he should be spending on YOU.
He has no right to even compare your job to stripping... looking back on my life I wish I would have just tended bar.
2006-10-18 03:24:28 · answer #3 · answered by jmsinheaven 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps his thoughts are that he has no chance with a stripper at a strip club so it is ok to have the occasional beverage there and view the sights.
His insecurities are that you area bartender and that profession happens to be the most hit on of all time.
It is hypocritical though
2006-10-18 03:24:07 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he has issues. There is a clear difference in a strip club and a job at a bar...... I would suspect he may be the cheating type.....why would he want to put himself in a position to cheat (at the strip club)..... Tell him you have no reason to cheat and neither does he. Offer to quit the bar job if he quits going to the strip club, and you guys go out to dinner or have dinner in, or go to a motel for some quiet time together, etc. Good luck, babe!!!
2006-10-18 03:24:17 · answer #5 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you tell him you would be willing to give up your part time job, but he will have to replace the income with a second job of his own. And he has to also agree not to go the strip club. Solves two problems. If he doesnt think thats such a great idea then hes just gonna have to live with it
2006-10-18 03:26:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is the controlling and jealous type. You should have notice this before you got married? Maybe you married him because he is this way. You seem to feel a lot of guilt for what your mother did. And want to prove you are not that way too. I think you should consider counseling to help you work threw this. A marriage is about trust on both sides. If he doesn't trust you what do you have? And if he can't see he has a problem then maybe you should consider leaving.
2006-10-18 03:37:45 · answer #7 · answered by lynx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is insecure but you should listen to him. If he feels that way then it will eat at him if you ignore his request. The strip club thing is not the same and he should respect you enough not to go if it bothers you. Try inviting him to the bar once in a while to show him that you are all business while working.
2006-10-18 03:24:19 · answer #8 · answered by bildymooner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a big difference between a striper and a abartender........what happend with your husband??????the truth is the bar tenders always talked with the costumer and a lot of them are a little crazy but is not the rule if he knows you he has to trusth you ......no choice
2006-10-18 03:24:16 · answer #9 · answered by haki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sound like there is alittle bit of the double standards going on. my husban wants me to go for the stripper job and not the bar job just for the fact that he can go to my work placce and watch what goes on. yeah o like that will happen. i think that he is trying to be protectine of his feelings than you think. he wants more for him and is just making you feel bad about it!! i would go for that stripper and show him up!
2006-10-18 03:26:52 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋