I finally ended things with my separated boyfriend after a year and a half. He finally told me that he wanted to work things out with his wife but I could still move in with him. I told him I didn't want to ruin his life or any chance he has with his wife, so I wouldn't move in.
I am packing up the rest of my belongings today. I was supposed to be moving in with him tomorrow, but will begin the long drive home instead.
My heart is still hurting and I am writing this instead of writing or calling him. This is the hardest thing I've had to do. In my gut, I know that it's right, but I can't stop wondering about him.
So, tell me why I should drive home tomorrow and never look back.
2006-10-18 02:50:32 · 32 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sorry that you are experiencing such pain. I really think that it is admirable that you are thinking of others and considering that there is a possiblity that your boyfriend and his wife could work things out. However I do find it disturbing that he has asked you to move in with him while he is considering this. You would probably be asking for the same treatment for yourself in the future if his standards are such. I do not want to sound preachy or cold during a difficult time but sometimes we have to reach a low point before we start searching for something more. There is more to life than the temporary happiness that we sometimes get caught up in. Our eternal happiness is at stake, our life. This world has the idea that everything is OK, but our heavenly father has set standards that not only make us happier but are a protection for us. He knows when even a bird falls to the ground and knows every hair on our head. What we do can cause him joy or pain. I have included a few links to some articles that might help you to be strong at this time.
Acts 17:26-28
26 And he made out of one [man] every nation of men, to dwell upon the entire surface of the earth, and he decreed the appointed times and the set limits of the dwelling of [men], 27 for them to seek God, if they might grope for him and really find him, although, in fact, he is not far off from each one of us. 28 For by him we have life and move and exist, even as certain ones of the poets among YOU have said, ‘For we are also his progeny.’
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2002/2/8/article_03.htm
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2004/7/1/article_02.htm
http://watchtower.org/
2006-10-18 03:59:13 · answer #1 · answered by research woman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is going to hurt. You can't avoid that part of it. Find a good counselor to talk to about your feelings if you don't have a good friend who is able to look at your situation objectively. The man was not honest with you. Whether married or not you don't need someone in your life you can't trust 100%. Knowing the right and best thing was to end it should keep you from giving in to the temptation to continue the affair. If you go back the relationship will never work and it will be all that much harder to end it the second time. Keep that in mind and moving forward won't be as tough.
2016-03-18 21:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yOU JUST DRIVE GIRL.... AND NEVER DO IT AGAIN.. YOU KNOW IT WAS NOT RIGHT. GOOD LUCK. i have friends that have wasted 20-30 years of their lives waiting for the man to divorce.
2006-10-18 03:16:36 · answer #3 · answered by Gayle M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been EXACTLY where you are. Years ago, I was dating a married man and at the last minute (we had already leased a condo) he said "I can't do this" via my answering machine.
It is the MOST painful experience, but you will get through it. You are deserving of someone being available for you.
Just ignore him as hard as that is right now. If you ignore him and he really loves you, he will be back with divorce papers.
2006-10-18 03:35:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you are worth alot more than second best.
There is someone out there willing to make you thier number one.
So drive to your future and don't look back, that is a very hard decision
but be glad you made that choice now than later.
It will be hard to move on but not impossible.
Lots of luck and strenght hope you get through this.
2006-10-18 03:06:42 · answer #5 · answered by Solitaire 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he's married. But in answer to your first question, it's hard to let go of the way he treated you.
2006-10-18 03:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right it is hard. Your b/f has a wife and is trying to save his marriage. No doubt you are the person to suffice his whims while he is waiting a response from the wife. If you weren't there he most likely would be subject to find another willing lady. Don't play a waiting game with him. There are lots of available men in this world to depend on. You are doing the right thing. How long would it be before you were out on your ear, if he is waiting for an answer from his spouse ? He sounds like a real loser anyway and you don't need that.
2006-10-18 03:22:10 · answer #7 · answered by Cowgirl Q 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why ?? To save the heartache later. This sounds like it was destined to fail from the beginning. He was separated for 18 months ? Had he even filed for divorce ? I'm sure that there's a lot to your story that I don't know, but from what I hear you were traveling down the wrong road. I question the man who would even put you in this situation. I guess I am looking to the future and thinking if he acts like this now, what makes one think that he would change ? I think he was ALWAYS hanging onto the notion that he and his wife would get back together.
2006-10-18 03:15:59 · answer #8 · answered by rock d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can just imagine all the grief you'll take over this one....but i can tell you i feel you pain....first hand. but you are doing the right thing. they rarely leave their wife. i think part of the reason it's so hard to let go is the whole unattainable thing. that's my reasoning at least, but i have committment issues anyway. i still hear from mine every now and then and wish i could somehow just cut things off once and for all. men like to have their cake and eat it too. but by cutting it off you can move forward and heal. good luck to you!
2006-10-18 02:58:39 · answer #9 · answered by bella36 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let go and find some body better. I wouldn't want him anyway if he was willing to let me stay with him and still trying to get back with his wife. That's a elegant cheater!!!!!
2006-10-18 02:52:44 · answer #10 · answered by K G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he is bad merchandise.... The grass that looks greener elsewhere is usually because it's over a septic tank. You did the right thing so take heart in that. Time will heal the hurt, slowly, but it will heal. And remember, scars are a sign of healing.... Please learn from this, and don't mess with a married man again. All he wants is your sex.... sorry. Good luck, honey!!
2006-10-18 03:07:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋