I have read and printed the e-mails that I find offinsive. She tries to delete them as fast as she can. she thinks that I haver been reading her e-mail and has told a friend her suspitions and about not getting over her ex. how should I proceed? am I envading her privacy? I want this to stop...
2006-10-18 02:43:42 · 12 answers · asked by Father of 2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If your wife is emailing an old boyfriend then something is wrong in your relationship. Rather than confronting her about the emails, which will only make her defensive, you should focus on trying to communicate with her.
Everyone is different; but, I would go on a long walk in a park or the woods and try to start a dialog with her. Find out if anything is troubling her or if she's got concerns about your relationship.
Also, you might want to look at yourself and ask whether you're paying enough attention to her. She's seeking attention from this old boyfriend for a reason. You should focus on that rather than the emails.
On the other hand, you could just throw the printed emails on the table and start a screaming match. I'm not sure whether that would accomplish anything though.
Good luck.
2006-10-18 02:57:16 · answer #1 · answered by kransdorff 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two definitely need to talk about this. She is obviously having some personal issue where she needs something that her relationship with you is not providing. Therefore, she is searching her history for a time when that need was being met.... hence her getting back in touch with an ex.
You guys need to discuss the relationshop ASAP or you may be on the fast track to adultery.
I speak from experience here and it's probably not anything you are doing, but somehting that you both are NOT doing. Something you used to have, and have been neglecting or somehting that she's going through that needs attention.
If she's feeling depressed, she will seek sources of good feelings and those feelings should be coming from herself and from you... if she is searching elsewhere, this is a red flag to seek help.
Talking to people you once loved is not what is dangerous here.... it's the hiding and the sneaking that is the warning sign that something is up.
If there was no underlying probelm with what she was doing, she would be able to be honest with you about this relationship with her ex. She wouldn't be hiding this from you, if it wasn't something that would hurt you. Seh knows it will hurt you and you know there's a problem here... follow your gut.
Confront her about her feelings and get to the bottom of this before things get out of hand.
2006-10-18 02:48:34 · answer #2 · answered by mutherwulf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both wrong. She should not be emailing him, but you should not be reading and printing her emails. Do not approach this issue as if you have been completely wronged, since your actions are just as bad as hers.
You need to have a discussion with her about not being over her ex. What does that mean? Does she still love him, or she just needs closure? Perhaps she misses the friendship she had with him. This should be your number one concern right now. The emails are just a symptom of this larger problem that you HAVE to address, and you very well might need marriage counselling to do it.
2006-10-18 03:08:46 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she will stop just because you are threatening her or ordering her to stop . In fact it could make it worse .Appeal to her sense of honor or consciouns .
You reading her e-mail isn't exactly a plus for you either . If I were you I would let it ride and hope it will wear off . If not, then there is more wrong with your relationship that needs fixing .Just tell her that you step back and the wrong decisions are her problem. Hopefully you have no children . Sure it hurts your pride , but believe me, having a fit and yelling etc., will do no good .
2006-10-18 03:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you have my sympathies!
I'm not sure why a wife would have 'private' e-mails, but if she does you've put yourself in an untenable situation by reading it. But now that you know the truth you need to decide what you want to do with this knowledge you've uncovered.
Know that you have NO CONTROL over your wife's actions or emotions. You can't MAKE her love or respect you. You also can't make her be honest and upfront. You did not MAKE her contact her old boyfriend. People who cheat have no one to blame but themselves because if a person is in a relationship in which they choose to cheat, they could also choose to leave that relationship prior to starting another relationship outside of it.
You need to decide whether or not you're willing to put up with her secrecy and infidelity or take steps to remove yourself from the situation.
Personally, I think the Internet can be a dangerous thing for romantically involved couples, married or otherwise. I wish there were no children involved!
2006-10-18 03:00:02 · answer #5 · answered by clair_dlune 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to sit down with your wife and calmly and in a non-confrontational way discuss this issue. Even if she is being physically faithful to you, she is being extremely deceitful and disrespectful of you and your marriage. She is obviously seeking something she feels is lacking in your marriage. Ask her to be honest about what that might be. This may hurt but if you want this to stop and to save your marriage, you're going to have to bite the bullet and do it. You may also need to seek marriage counseling together. But you are right, this is totally inappropriate in a marriage. I hope this works out for you both.
2006-10-18 03:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are invading her privacy. Hello...you PRINTED OUT her emails? Huh?
Now, if you are this wounded, go to counseling with her. Harrassing her over the email is destructive. You are acting out because you are hurt. Keep it up and you will poison the relationship.
Or buy a program which records keystrokes and look at it all later, keep you mouth shut, and file for divorce.
2006-10-18 02:47:15 · answer #7 · answered by Stargatebabe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that this is hurting your feelings and that you would like for her to stop inmediatly for the sake of your marriage.
She is looking for the emotional fullfilment that she is not getting from the marriage and this "platonic" relationship is filling this void.
If she persists with this behavior, you should seek marriage counseling. You have to find the root of this.
Good luck
2006-10-18 02:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.1 You should not snoop
No.2 Now that you have you might as well tell her
No. 3 She cannot hide behind her outrage that you pried since she cannot be trusted.
You have a right to demand her faith fullness. Your house is full of suspicion and mistrust. She is not helping and neither are you.
2006-10-18 03:17:14 · answer #9 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love your wife why not tell her that, and let her know that her contacts with her ex are upseting you. Remind her of how happy you were together and that you want to be the one she spends the rest of her life with....nobody else. Good luck
2006-10-18 02:48:28 · answer #10 · answered by marcus p 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋