What should I do? Will we make it? Should we make?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 yrs and I am 8 months pregnant with our 1st (I have a 9 & 10 yr old too). In the 1st couple of yrs I was the one that was half there then we got hit by a drunk driver (I was only very bloody and cut up) I saw him crying over me and saw how much he loved me that I finally dropped my gaurd down and over time the rolls reversed and he was the one in charge. My problem is for the past 2 yrs I have felt abandond by him he doesn't buy me b-day presents or xmas or any holiday (but he knows as a child I didn't even have a cake or someone saying happy b-day to me how can you no that and not want to make that person feel loved on there B-Day) we don't talk or go anywhere and every time I wanna talk about our problems he gets so angry he won't talk to me. I am so alone. Sex has slowed over the last couple of wks because of pregnacy but after 6 yrs we still usaully have sex 4 times a wk. He works I do everything else he doesn't even do the garbage.

Answer 1

Table this discussion until the baby is here. You guys are in such a state of flux right now you cannot draw any good conclusions.
Quit thinking so much and do something. Is your nursery ready? do you have meals arranged for the first three weeks. Get out of your head and get to work. There is nothing that can be done in the next month. Quit dwelling on the bad and find something to do.
Is it any wonder that men seem cold and distant when dealing with a woman who is so close to delivery? Get your body and hormones back to normal then step back and take a look. You seem to have a lot of emotional clutter going on here. Chalk it up to pregnancy and put it aside for 12 weeks. Cut him a little slack here he is expecting too. Men react differently. A lot react with affairs so if that is not going on be happy and get on with it.

Follow Up, Its obvious that most of the preceeding posts are by people who have not lived through pregnancy or childbirth. Yes you can have sex, in fact it is a good way to get things started so to speak. Secondly you have a lot of stuff going on in your head and everything, even the smallest things, seem huge issues. Do not dwell on it. There is NOTHING you can change in the next month. Most counselors will not even book an appointment while you are preggers just for that reason. Focus on the birth. That is your pressing issue this month. Let the guy have his old life for another month. He will have to do the housework soon because you will not be able to. That will show his love and character, or lack of it. There is nothing to be done in the near term so let it go.

Answer 2

I know how your feeling. My marriage lasted 16yrs. Then he started acting the same way yours is. So distant,no conversation and still he wanted to make love. I usually wanted to as well,but then his distance made that tuff. We have been separated for 1 1/2 yrs. He was diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety and he was having panic attacks that I new nothing about. Please have him see someone before its too late. You know you still love him or you wouldn't be asking for help. Is your husband from new England or somewhere up north. That could explain the no cards or presents. I know they treat their women differently then the southern men. Hang in there and try everything before you give up. Sounds like he's not abusive. Everyone gets mad occasionally. Check into the depression thing. He may also feel some stress with the new baby coming. They say the father has effects from a pregnancy.

Answer 3

You shouldn't DO anything drastic right now. Your hormones are crazy and the last trimester of pregnancy is always emotional. The next few weeks will be a whirlwind of activity as a new baby enters your home. You need to talk to him when you are feeling calm and he also is calm. Maybe you can start having date night. Get a babysitter. Rekindle the romance in your relationship. As far as birthdays and holidays go, when you talk to him, tell him you need to feel loved and appreciated. Being remembered would be so special for you. (Do you celebrate his birthday?) If money is tight, get a big jar and both of you start saving your spare change everyday to make these things happen. These are the little joys in life. Best of luck to both of you and your family.

Answer 4

First suggestion...If you haven't sat down and had a serious discussion about your feelings you need to. Just keep it calm, to the point, and don't drag to must history into it, focus on current needs not past hurts.

Secondly...You know your body best...8 months into pregnancy what are your hormones and emotions doing to you. I am not suggesting or blaming this on the above, rather asking you to look at what the stress of pregnancy may be doing to emotional state.

Thirdly, he needs to be doing a lot more to help you with the family, be it cooking, dishes, laundry, whatever it is. Let him know that you are tired, and I am sure you are, and that he has responsibilities besides a paycheck,

If none of this gets through to him, suggest counseling, maybe a third party can point out to him that he needs to be doing more, and not for the immediate future, but for the long term.

Good Luck

Answer 5

You have entered into a relationship without making sure this is a dependable and reliable man.

I suggest you turn to your church, synagogue, or mosque, repent of your former sins, turn to G-d or whatever you call your Higher Power.

You may have to get a lawyer to sort out the division of wealth, in the event your "boyfriend" continues to be the slug he seems to be. Rack up your gains, shrug off your losses, and let bygones be bygones. Don't dwell on the past. Look forward to a new life.

Answer 6

I hate to say this, but I think the relationship is in danger. I would suggest counciling. I know that doesn't really help but if you really love him then you need to get some outside objective help. I know how you feel, I was in a similar situation (except I wasn't pregnant) and that relationship ended because he refused to dicuss our problems with me. If you want to stay, bless you but you need to do some work on communication. I don't think you can do that on your own. Look into relationship counciling.

Answer 7

Sweetie, I feel bad for you and I'm sending you a big hug. Now stop feeling so sorry for yourself and get off your butt and have a birthday party for yourself. You have a life!! You don't need to wait for anyone (including your boyfriend) to celebrate it or live it for you. Figure out what it is that you love to do and do it. If your relationship doesn't work out, find a new one. You can take the kids with you..

Answer 8

From the night of the mind to the closing of times door, I Think this relationship is fading fast. You treasure every moment waiting for something golden to arise. So stop hiding behind walls, for they will soon close around you. Make a new begining, before your mind fades away.

Answer 9

Well one thing you are not supposed to be having sex especially at 8 months and relationships slow down eventually . Just sit him down and talk to him if you feel you cant then it aint even worth saving the relationship cause you need communication. Just ask him how he really feels etc..If he gets angry then its probably time for him to leave just nab his butt for child support

Answer 10

hi i feel your pain. do you respect him?
answer that and that is the only question you need to ask. respect and love go hand and hand. respect is needed for a relationship to work.does he repect you?

still not sure.. heres what a friend of mine told me to do when i was feeling the same way as you did. complement him. make sure you say at least one nice thing to him every day, thank him, he will soon do the same to you. its focusing on the love instead of the negative.
good luck