Can some one read+ leave feedback?

Question

would like to be considered for the position of middle school captain because…

The idea of responsibility really excites me. I grew up a keen gardener, not just because my love of the environment, but because I just adore responsibility, I love the fact that I can make a difference, that what I do can have a positive impact on the world surrounding me.

The afternoon after we had our special year 8 assembly I was lying on my bed considering applying for middle school captain. I was having second thoughts about applying. I didn’t think I had what it takes, then, a song by my favourite band (Panic! At the disco) came on, and the words went something like, “its time for us to take a chance”, and that’s when it struck me, I will possibly never get an opportunity like this again, Why pass it up? Why let fear of rejection conquer over my passion for leadership and responsibility?

thats some of my application for middle school captain, im 14 ,can some one plz telll me wat they think

Answer 1

Pretty good until the 2nd para - no reason to share what day it was or the bed thing. You could write one day I heard song lyrics.... and go from there - the end of that para wasn't bad either. You have good stuff there - tweek what's not "professional sounding" and be sure all spelling and grammar are good as can be! God bless & good luck! ~Nise~

Answer 2

I think that realizing that you can't let the fear of rejection hold you back is very adult like. Some adults never realize that you have to try because they are to wound up in the "what if" game. "What if they reject me?"

There are many things that I have tried and failed yet learned from my failure. There are plays that I have audtioned for and I was rejected. Yes I felt bad, but I thought why did they reject me? I didn't get into the "because they hate me attitude" because I would never learn that way. I thought long and hard how I could improve my performance. I came up with some answers and I keep trying. Sometimes I get to be in the play and sometimes I don't.

Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will land somewhere in the stars. Meaning give it your best shot. Better to try and fail then to never try at all.

The little piece that you gave to read I think is very good. You have come to the conclusion that you must try and that is the most important part.

Good luck to you

Answer 3

I think it would sound great if it were to people more mature than you. You're applying for a middle school captain position. You're going to be talking for kids your own age. You need to sound like you're more on their level, not above. You want to appear a little better, but not much. I think that kind of over does it. You want to win, you have to be a little bit more average and most kids your age aren't thinking like you are or would probably go for something like that. I would talk about things that can identify you with everyone. Talk about stuff that the kids in your school are interested in. Well, the majority anyways. I would talk about how you were nervous about applying, because there's lots of kids who I'm sure thought the same thing and will applaud you for going through with it.

Answer 4

Lol, sounds like you're really spirited about it. What are you sitting here for then? Go submit an application already. =)

If you have a little more space I would also put in any former responsibilities, more good traits about you in the middle. Any hopes or aspirations you wish to achieve through your role of mid school cap. Let them know that they need "a fresh breath of air" around the place. Sell yourself to the public and be honest about it.

All the best for it. Hope that helps.

Answer 5

Drop anything that lacks uncertainty or wealness

("The lyrics went something like"? Say "The lyrics said "It's time to take a chance")

Be strong, forthright and vigorous

Answer 6

I think it sounds wonderful!
You are doing great...
Good Luck!

Answer 7

i think it sounds great!!! very professional, for a 14 year old. good job and i hope you get it!!!!!!!!!!