What am I to do with a wife depriving me of personal space?

Question

I am married for 6yrs now. Initial marriage is ok, but downtrends after 2nd yr. Now she have the following habit:
1 Always screen through my Mobile phone, e-mail, thumbdrive
2 If I am gonna meet a friend for a drink, she would keep calling to rush me to be home. Imagine we met 7pm, she started to call from 7.30pm..
3 She likes to talk / gossip about my parents and siblings to me..
4 My work may involves some Overtime, she will even record all my overtime days/ hrs and calculate the $ to get..any shortage even for a dollar, she will SCOLD me for not taking action against my boss
5 She always try to dig little stuffs to SCOLD me..such as, reaching home, I always like to take a 30mins break, but she will Nag me to bath and feed my kids *she plays computer game
6 When I wanna go parents place for dinner, she will complains about the time taken..the travel fare $..
I just find there is no mutual respect here for me from here.
By the way, I gave her ALL my salary monthly...

Sad

Answer 1

If you are behaving properly in your relationship and your life, you should have nothing to hide, but having someone looking over your shoulder all the time can really destroy a relationship.

I always have to wonder if someone is that paranoid, what are THEY doing?

IF not, then why do they feel such a need to control?

And, you sound like you have given up all your power.

I usually give the following feedback to womenwho are being controlled and verbally abused by their husbands (at the very beginning of the abuse). The information you provided sounds just like one of those folks.

1. You may want to set up a separate bank accunt for yourself and start squirelling away money here and there. This will be difficult, since you said you give her your paycheck. I guess you have to ask her for money to spend with your friends? So don't spend all of that money. Hide it. You may need it later.

2. Make a list of what you need from her. Your concerns, your feelings.

When you have some escape money hidden, then do the following:

1. Have a good long chat with her. Bring the list. Tell her that you have some things to say to her and you would like her to listen until you are done, then she will have a chance. Stay calm. In fact, it may be best if you do this at a public restaurant over coffee or tea (no alcohol!). Be honest but appropriate. Don't fall into some argument. I bet she will try to hook you into getting all mad. Don't. Stay focused and keep going back to the list. Say things like, "I hear you. And you will have a chance to tell me how you feel, but right now, I need you to llisten, please."

2. If she does listen, and she is willing to make some changes, remember that you may have to compromise a bit. You can't have it all your way. You may agree to keep her posted as to your whereabouts by calling when you are working late, or at the destination with your friends, Etc.

3. If she refuses to go along with any of your requests, you may need marriage counseling or a lawyer. You may need to leave her.

Good luck.

Answer 2

confront her tell her to lay off you! make alist just like you did here then give it to her after that tell her your going out do not tell her where your going and turn off your cell for at least one hour.No more in case of an actaul emergency.Stand up for yourself she doesnt respect you your a jelly fish .Stay out as long as you want and keep turning off the phone.go home at around 2 am she will be more humble if she isnt leave for 3 days .Im sure she will rethink it all.You just have to stand up for yourself but also get control of your finances first so she wont use that against you in fact with draw a sum of money before you leave and redeposit it when you work things out.Make sure your not over drawn .You have to tell her your the boss.That what she wants whether she realizes it or not we all want He-man not some jelly fish.She treats you the way you allow her.She sounds alot like Mrs Oleson on little house in the prairie.Best wishes.Whatever you do dont get another woman.That would cause more problems then you have already.

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to step up and tell her how you feel. Be the Head of the House like the man should be. I mean be loving and respectful , but at the same time tell her about the thing that bother you. If you can't communicate after 6 yrs of marriage you may need some counseling. None of it sounds really awful, just mostly she annoys you.Try to work it out first then if your efforts fail and she's not willing to compromise...then it may be time to take a look at leaving.

Answer 4

Okay have you gave her reasons to check up on you? If not she sounds like she is suffering from a self esteem issue. Only reason I say this is cause I've been on both sides of the track with my answer to you. counseling could be an option But help is needed in this situation.

Answer 5

Your wife sounds a bit too controlling and insecure. You are going to have to sit down with her and go over this list with her. She is suffocating you and not giving you personal space. That is not good. You must be a saint to tolerate such behaviour.

Answer 6

You are giving her to much control! Sit her down and explain that this is a marriage and she didn't get any ownership papers with that license! Maybe she needs personal space also! If she has no adult friends and she feels your her life then encourage her to go out also pursue other activities, this will give her meaning in her life and stop her from making you her life!

Answer 7

If the relationship is worth it, then you should seek tell her you want to go to couples counseling. If its not worth it, then proceed with divorce...sounds like maybe that's what she's driving for....she's pushing you away.......or could be that she's cheating on you and trying to make herself feel better/cover up for herself by attacking you so much?? Best of luck to ya!!

Answer 8

Have you ever tried to tell her that you love her, use the magic word often. Say I LOVE YOU, as many times as possible, make her feel secure and in love.

Answer 9

what i think u have spend ur life in hell on earth and god will give u a spce in heaven. i just pray for ur better future.

Answer 10

i feel sorry for u. i think if u let this go on u will end up resenting her. set up some ground rules