Are shag bodies a good thing or a bad thing?

Question

sorry meant buddies

Answer 1

I think you're cheating yourself out of finding a meaningful relationship while you waste your time shaging someone you don't really care about.

Answer 2

Lots of potential problems here, and I speak from experience- I've had 2, and both lasted for years.

First, it depends how well you know the person before you start shagging them. If they're someone you've just met, it may always bother you that they immediately "dismissed you" as shag buddy potential and if it goes on for a period of time, you might wonder why they don't have feelings for you. Even if you don't even have real feelings for them, it could make you feel insecure that this person met you and liked you enough for sex, but not enough for anything more.

If you're already good friends with somebody, and then you start having sex... why don't you just go out with them? You like them, you consider them sexually appealing- why not be with them? This is what you'll probably be thinking a few months down the line anyway...

Second, how does it work? I think one party often has more control- it often seems one is at the beck and call of the other, and the other doesn't get as much say. That's not shag buddy, that's sex slave!

Also don't assume you'll still be on the lookout for the perfect partner. An SB makes you complacent. If you like the sex and enjoy the time you spend together, you may stop bothering and stop taking chances when it comes to dating. Although this can be a good thing too, you won't feel desperate and it will raise the bar because you wont go for anyone who isn't worth losing SB for- just don't take it too far and stop looking altogether.

It's easy to fall in love with someone you have intimacy with. Sometimes it's not just about the sex. One of my former "shag buddies" was very cuddly and you could tell he was after love and assurance, which he got in some form by having casual sex until he found someone who he really wanted to be with (not me, by the way!). But my other shag buddy was different- he was ready to get up and leave straight after, which hurt my feelings a lot because we had a laugh together too, when we were out with mutual friends. He felt he needed to treat me coldly when we were in bed, so as not to confuse the issue. Those mental barriers don't make for great sex

And that brings me on to the last point- there is a LOT of game playing involved here. A lot of "not giving them the wrong idea". I don't think it's easy to really be friends with someone if you're always wondering about what they're thinking, and worrying they might want more than you do, and wondering if you in fact want more, why not?, wondering if you should feel jealous that they like someone else, wondering if they care that you have a date tomorrow night... It's hard work!!

If you do end up turning it into a proper relationship, it's not going to be easy. If you're in the habit of treating somebody a certain way, it can be difficult and awkward to break the habit. I tried it once- we both decided we wanted it to be "proper"... but nothing changed. After 3 years of being the way we were, we couldn't suddenly turn on the girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic. Most people would rather having someone they always felt special with.

Having said all that, I am all for having sex outside the normal boyfriend/girlfriend scenario- many relationships are complicated, however you choose to define them. If you are considering going down this route, and you think you can handle it, that's up to you! Just know it's not going to be as easy and straightforward as people like to imagine it is.

Answer 3

Honestly, I've got mixed views. The majority of people I've known to have shag buddies have fallen out with eachother as one of the couple have fallen for the other with no reciprocation. A few have fallen for eachother and started officially seeing eachother, and a minute percentage have worked.

I wouldn't do it, I've been toyed with before and it hurts too much to risk it.

Answer 4

i take it you meant shag buddies? i think they are but it can get awkward if they start to take it a bit more seriously than you! thats happened to me,my shag buddy ended up falling in love with me and i broke his lil heart! x

Answer 5

well i have had one for 7 years now and for me its a good thing i get what i want with no ties he is also like my best friend. It all depends on the individual i mean will you be prepared for them to see other people?? will you be happy just too see this person for sex? . As long as you both agree that it is a no strings relationship and you are both happy with that then i think it will be a good thing for you but if you think you may want more from this person i suggest you think long and hard before you get involved

I mean none of us want to get hurt

Good luck

Answer 6

I have one - have done for 9 months now! we never go out together, never talk on the phone, just he comes to mine on a sat night and we have sex, when I wake up sun morning he's gone! suits me as I'm a single mother (child not there when he's there)with a full time job and neither the time or the energy for anything else right now! but we are both aware that it wont last forever - it works now and that's all that matters!!

Answer 7

Sounds good to me, anyone for shag

Answer 8

They are fine as long as both of you are aware that's all its going to be.. with regards to warjolts comment about it stopping you looking for a meaningful relationship I disagree, having had a SB relationship I met my hubby while still in contact with my SB, didn't meet him again after I met hubby & realised a relationship was on the cards, my hubby was aware of this and was jealous that he didn't have a galpal secure enough with herself to do this too!!

Answer 9

Yeah they can work out quite well.

However they can get a bit complex..... especially if one of you ends up liking the other for more then friends and sex. Or if one of you meets somebody else...I know from experience this can be quite a mess to sort out.

Just don't get too attatched and you'll be fine.

Answer 10

Absolutely a good thing. As long as both parties know the score, it's no-strings fun for all involved!