My boyfriend has his own place yet he is still paying all the bills of his ex and his young son. He goes over there 4 times a week to visit with his son and is still doing work on his house. He says he's having a hard time because of his son and is afraid if he makes her sell the house she'll move away with his son. He is still doing upgrades to the house and doesn't seem on a rush to settle things.
When I approach him he begs me to wait as he's going to settle things. He says he's considering giving her the house so that she won't move away with their son. He's great when we're together but usually distant after coming from the house. Seperated only 5 months.
I have tried to break it off several times yet he keeps making promises and I'm a sucker as all our mutual friends want to see us together (they don't openly know we're seeing each other). I can't see other people as he gets jealous and knows all my hangouts.
I am frustrated and he won't leave me alone.Help me please
2006-10-18 00:10:25 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was commonlaw with his ex and I'm 29 and he is 44, he wonders why I'm with him as I'm younger and very attractive. He has never dated anyone who looks like me(his words).
2006-10-18 11:50:01 · update #1
I wouldn't stay in a relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable or simply to live up to your friends expectations. I would suggest being patient for a little longer and seeing what happens. His timeline might not be exactly like yours but it doesn't make it wrong.
2006-10-18 01:41:20 · answer #1 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie,
I know you want to believe that this guy is into you. However, he's not. He doesn't respect you. If he did he would put an end to seeing his wife four times a week. Face it when a man is into you all the signs are there and you wouldn't have to question his love. He is playing the field while eating his cake.
Right now you are a rebound for him. You are only helping his self-esteem while he's lowering yours. If he really wants to be with you then he would go to court to make arrangements to get a divorce and seek joint custody of his son. There are laws in every state that allows a father to see his son.
If he wants his wife to have the house that they have together then all he has to do is tell that to the judge in divorce court.
I would stop seeing him until he is divorced and healed from his divorce. Rebound relationships never work. Sorry.
2006-10-18 00:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by Inez 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to break away from him now. He has not had enough time to clear his thoughts on what he really wants right now. And his only concern right now should be his son and not a 'girlfriend'. You also need to think about his son too, if you truly care for this man you will find the strength to stay away so he can be a good father to his son and do the right thing.
2006-10-18 00:34:27 · answer #3 · answered by goldengirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is going thru a rough time right now. His son is his concern. Everything he does, he does for his son. Please be patient and understanding. If you want a relationship with this man, you'll have to come second to his son. Can you handle this? Don't get the two mixed up or it will never work. He's not doing this for his ex wife, only his son. I think you'll be happy once this is taken care of - be patient honey, it will all work out.
2006-10-18 01:01:55 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he cares about you, he has to attend to "loose ends" and unfortunately you will come second to those things. I think you two should face the facts, the timing for you two isnt right, right now and he needs to take care of things and you need to see what else is out there and when things settle down if you arent seeing someone else, try it again then. And if he knows your hangouts, hangout somewhere else...worse comes to worse break it off completely and get a restraining order.
2006-10-18 00:15:23 · answer #5 · answered by jaylynn_tx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this may be brutal, but here goes......He wants to reconcile with his wife. That's why he is at the house all the time, that's why he is "seperated" and not "divorced". She is probably holding out for whatever reason, and you are the girl who keeps him from being lonely and going crazy while he waits for her, not to mention the sex part. Trust me, if he had a chance to have his wife back, he would drop you in a heartbeat. Not trying to be mean, just realistic.
2006-10-18 03:48:07 · answer #6 · answered by Lotus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe he is using you. He has his cake and eating too with the frosting. He will never divorce his wife since he feels so strongly about his son. He is just giving you lip service. Are you wondering what else he is doing over at his house besides fixing things and visiting his son? The truth is since he is cheating on his wife, he would have no problem cheating on you. End this relationship for your the one who will lose.
Good Luck,
O'hock
2006-10-18 00:20:59 · answer #7 · answered by orcahock 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your stuck in a hard situation you see this is not gonna be easy sweetie are you ready for the heartache ? I think that you should maybe take a break and really think this over .A lot of people like to use there kids as an excuse not to let go of the ex .Ive experience this before and will never put myself in that situation
2006-10-18 00:19:18 · answer #8 · answered by chunkybaby 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh, I don't think you need help. You know this is wrong - you are being strung along, and you are no innocent in this. You should not be with someone who is not divorced yet. There are lots of single dudes in the world - leave the drama behind and find someone without all the baggage.
2006-10-18 01:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While my ex husband was seperated from me he was penny poor. Lawyers can keep things going for year and years. The ex wife will get spousal support, the kids get support. This guy will be lucky if he can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He might even have to pay for her lawyer. If he continues to pay for the house...how will he live? Is he a millionair? I took my ex trough the cleaners for cheating on me and you don't know if this woman is going to take him trough the cleaners also.
Now I'm remarried and my husband has kids. Are you ready to see his ex forever! She will always be in your life. On the phone. It never ends.
2006-10-18 00:19:36 · answer #10 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋