Controlling... what to do...?

Question

Picture this...
Keep in mind that youre faithful to the one you love, and dont consider anyone else as anything other than friends...
You arent allowed to talk to certain people; some old friends, people that you once upon a time... cared about
You can't recieve phone calls from other's (particularly other females) and when you do... its often a fight that results
You're not allowed to have friends, that your other doesnt know about....
... these among many other things...
What would you do, if you were being controlled?

Answer 1

I used to be in a relationship with someone who was very controlling. she was also a big closet case (I would never "force" anyone out of the closet...that's something everyone needs to decide for themselves), and insisted I stay in the closet as well...didn't want me telling family or any more friends that didn't know already...or she'd leave me. she also lied to me, and was very critical. didn't like me on the phone with anyone, or on the computer unless it was with her (or she thought I was cheating..which I never did). we had a long distance relationship, and she's someone that has a hard time trusting everyone...probably because she's someone that really can't be trusted. she also made "friends" with (and she still insists it's nothing more) someone else who she started spending more time with than she did with me (and that was a long distance thing, too). she pushed me away and would rarely even hug or kiss me anymore...much less anything else. a lot of long distance relationships don't last...but this was ridiculous. I couldn't take it...I got depressed, I gained a lot of weight (which I've now lost doing Weight Watchers)....I had to get out. it's not good emotionally or even physically in my case.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is so controlling, you need to get out! no one deserves to be treated that way. It sounds like that person has some trust issues also. maybe they are hiding something, too?

Answer 2

Control is a form of emotional violation against someone's right to live their own life.

Controlling Behavior. Controls where you go, what you do, with whom and for how long. Controls money and money decisions, won't allow you to share expenses or refuses to work and won't share expenses. Protective to the point of controlling. Says he's angry when you're "late" because he "cares." Takes your car keys, won't let you go to church, work, or school.

Psychological/emotional violence involves violence to the victim caused by acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Psychological/emotional abuse can include, but is not limited to, humiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources. It is considered psychological/emotional violence when there has been prior physical or sexual violence or prior threat of physical or sexual violence.

Relational aggression is a form of psychological/social aggression the uses various forms of falsehood, secrecy and gossip to commit covert violence. Also known (incorrectly) as 'Female Bullying', it is often a spectacularly successful tactic because so few people know how to detect it. Women, and also men, often use it because it is covert, leaves no visible scars and can be done with a smile. It destroys or damages the target's reputation and ruins the target's relationships.

Your spouse is controlling your access to other people and therefore making you more isolated and therefore, easier to manipulate. This is an unhealthy relationship and I would seek counselling immediately with a proffessional, for your own emotional wellbeing.
Resources to help people who have been using violence take responsibility for and stop their use of violence, such as Men's Behaviour Change Programs or anger management training, are available, though attendees are ordered to pay for their own course in order that they should remain accountable for their actions. However, you are not responsible for your partner's behaviour.

Answer 3

You gotta put your foot down babe! If she doesn't change and start respecting you and the relationship you have, walk away. That is a dangerous, viscious cycle and you both are getting caught up in it. Talk to her and stand up for yourself - maybe she feels like you aren't being faithful in which case you two need some work on your communication, but not at the cost you're paying right now. Best wishes, be strong.

Answer 4

Simply answer, your going to keep letting this person control you or not! Its up to you, but its not gonna change. I have been in your shoes and that type of control can bring you down and to the point where you can't even be yourself anymore, you'll feel like your soul has died. And you will begin to hate this person, and then the love you did have for this person will die. You need to tell this person to give you space and that you won't be controlled anymore., If they can't except it then girl, get out of this relationship and move on. Good luck.

Answer 5

This is a classic sign of abuse. If not consensual, then you need to leave the relationship and not look back. She's not changing, no matter what she says because her abuse comes from an insecurity so deep that without professional help, she will never learn to cope with it.

Your choice is to wait for the next step which is physical abuse and/or death, or run, run like your hair is on fire. Help yourself, get out now, while you can.

Answer 6

I'd leave, plain and simple. No one deserves to be treated like a prisoner in their own home. And if I felt that by leaving the situation could get out of hand, then I'd first contact an organization like DOVE or the National Domestic Violence Hotline and get help from profressionals.

Answer 7

What is this "allowed" crap ? If you are over 18, you don't have to ask anyone's permission to do anything!
Stop being so pathetic and dramatic. Find a counselor through area social services. In extreme cases of this kind of control, I have seen someone killed. Get out while you can! This is extremely serious! (Watch the movie ENOUGH, with Jennifer Lopez & Billy Campbell--it may just give you the inspiration you need) GOOD LUCK !

Answer 8

A) You allowed this process to develop, by not saying "No!", a word that I know women are familiar with.
B) You are still allowing it.
C) It is how you want it, you need restrictions on your behavior.
D) Change it, or stop complaining.
Negotiate a change, or walk. Don't snivel or carp.
Are you a sub? If so, submit, or stop calling yourself
a submissive, and live vanilla.
http://www.leathernroses.com

Answer 9

I would get out of the relationship you need your space and you are not getting it. Friends are important and you should be able to talk to them on the phone if they call. There is a better relationship for you elsewhere.

Answer 10

RUN as fast as you can and don't look back. I've been in this situation and it can cause a host of problems.....the primary being depression and the feeling that you can't do anything right.....Step up to the plate....swing the bat....then run like the wind!!!!