How do i make my distant boyfriend ask for my hand in marriage without sounding pushy?

Question

I have a boyfriend who lives in South Africa, I am in Zimbabwe. We have been dating for the past 5 years though we break up and make up from time to time. He hasn't said anything about marriage so far yet i feel we're getting too old. He's 31. I'm 26.

Answer 1

I think 5 years is plenty long enough for him to ask you, if he is going to! Men are not unaware of ticking clocks. Just go on making clear to him how much you love him. But, at the same time, accept that he may not see it quite the same way, and that if pressed he may not be ready to marry you, now, or maybe ever. Be more open in your social life without him, let it be known that things are uncertain between you and him, and let him know what you are doing and, by implication, that he is losing you, while ensuring that he knows how much you enjoy your times together. Let him work out where he stands, and make a proper bid for you if that's what he wants. Whatever you do, don't propose or in any way ask for marriage.

Answer 2

Be direct and ask him what his intentions are. Tell him that time is moving on and you want to find a mate. If he seems conflicted at all, break all ties and move on.
It does not take 5 years for a man (or woman) to know if the person they are with is the one for them.
If a man doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. If a man really wants to be with you nothing can make him go. But don't force the issue. Ask him once and expect an immediate answer.
If he has to think about it, he is not ready. Don't stand for a string of excuses and empty promises. Life is to short.
I pray that things turn out the way you desire.
If not, stand up tall and know that its his loss.

Answer 3

Forget it - to him you are a convenience - there is enough distance between you, and time, for him to convince you you 'need' him - that's why you've been hanging around for 5 years. If he had true feelings and true intentions the longest you would have been waiting was 5 months. No the real answer is he's got his cake (you in Zimbabwe) and another piece of cake in South Africa - and he's eating it! Why should he pay (commit) - it seems both are free!
Make your own decisions - give him a choice and a decision to make - give him a time limit to make it in - if he can't/won't/needs more time ..... Give it up!
Nobody is worth that long .....
I know, I did it myself - waited 4yrs to get engaged, waited another four years to get married, four years later he cheated - we made up and carried on - 2yrs later he left - only then did I realised I had been used ..... don't make my mistake.

Answer 4

If you do love this man enough to spend the rest of your life with him, my suggestion is to discuss this issue the next time you are together. This is too important to discuss except in person.

By now you know if he wants the same future you envision for yourself, and I agree that after 5 years, even with breaks, it is time to make decisions about your future together. If there is to be a marriage, career moves must be considered, and those are sometimes difficult to put into place quickly.

This is not being push, it is asking for clarity. Whatever your decision, I wish you the very best.

Answer 5

Don't manipulate.
Don't push.
If you really want to marry this guy then tell him so. Be HONEST.
PROPOSE to him!
But first consider this: If your relationship is rocky then perhaps marriage would be a bad idea. Ask yourself if you really want a marriage that "breaks up and makes up from time to time"?

P.S: You are not getting old! If I had my life to live over I would not even think the word marriage until I was in my 30s.

Answer 6

Read what these wise people have said about the dynamics of your long-distance, off & on again relationship. You bring up marriage. If that falls on deaf ears, "he's just not into you." There is no race to run. He is on another track. If you want to win, you go ahead and leave him behind. Manipulation is like being the horse and the rider. If you fall, you are the only one to blame. That's a lot to be saddled with. Sorry about the metaphores.

Answer 7

Why do you have to make him marry you? If he really wanted to do so,he should have proposed or hinted something by now, cause 5yrs is a long time.
Anyway time is not on your side so you have to talk..that is have a serious talk.
Ask him where he thinks your relationship is heading to and what to do about it.If you consider this guy to be your future husband,this are issues you should talk openly and sincerely without thinking that your pushing him.
If he thinks your pushing him when you ask him that, then move on cause he will never make a commitment.
Hope it works out!

Answer 8

Unless the individual is so inspiring that the other person feels the need for them as a daily companion, the marriage would be artificial and ultimately headed for costly divorced court. Perhaps you should give more thought to your actual relationship ( or lack of ) and ask why ?
Apparently there is not enough there to have him wanting more ( full ) time with you. Perhaps you need to consider finding someone more compatible with you.

Answer 9

Tell him how you feel if you want to spend the rest of your life with this man then then marriage is a good idea. Once he knows your thinking about marriage he'll start to think and if he doesnt want to commit hiself to you then you either forget about marriage or find someone who wants the same thing as you.
You do need to talk to him you never know he might be thinking the same.

Good Luck

Answer 10

FIVE YEARS!!! Give it up honey. He's got another woman in South Africa or another on & off girlfriend.

Good rule of thumb: If you haven't even talked about marriage after a year, it most likely will never happen.