I've been engaged for 9 years now, and my partner wants to get married. The thing is I've been seeing someone else off and on for 4 years. Its a guy I work with, so I spend a lot of time with him during the day. I have strong feelings for this guy. He has a girlfriend of 5 years. He says that he wouldn't leave her for me. He says that he loves both of us equally. When I talk to him about marrying my parter he gets upset with me, but I know that he'll never leave his girlfrend for me. Should I forget about him?
2006-10-17 23:40:22 · 48 answers · asked by Poppy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Silly, silly girl.
2006-10-17 23:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by cheaper_bills 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh bad situation....
You need to think about YOU and what YOU want.
My advice to you would be on your partner of 9 year, if you were truly happy the other guy would not of got a lookin , let alone an affair for 5 yr...
So really truly is this the man whom you REALLY wanna spend the rest of your life with and marry have kids ????
I'd say no not really, breaking the habit of routine is hard but once done i belive you will find the perfect handsome partner whom you will be faithfully and happy 1000%....
As for your bit on the side, sounds like you both wanted the same thing excitement , laugh , sex but at the end of the day he is happy with his mrs, he will get upset as you are very close and know each other well, but not that upset cause he still wont leave her, this guy wants his cake and eat it too....
My advice dump them both find true happiness...
You only get 1 shot at this life so live it happy, not sneaking around in hotels and taking the huge risk of losing everything if your partner ever did find out which he will .
Change your life take the risk and you'll be on the right path to happiness...
2006-10-17 23:52:39 · answer #2 · answered by loulou777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sort your life out. Neither of these relationships are going to work out for the long term. The guy at work is stringing you along. Yes he likes your company. You are probably more fun to talk to than his partner at home, but he has been honest in saying that the he will not leave her.
As for your partner if you have been having another relationship for so many years you do not want to marry him.
The problem is it is so much easier to do nothing. Changing your life to find true happiness requires lots of effort. Think about trying to change your job so that you do not come into contact with your colleague every day. This may be an opportunity to try for a promotion or move on to a different employer. Make this a positive thing in its own right, Think about what you would want from a new job, not just a means of getting away from Him.
Once you are not seeing him every day you can properly assess your feelings for your partner. If what you see is not marriage material. tell him and move on.
2006-10-17 23:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u SHOULD 4get about him.If I were u, I'd try 2get a job transfer or something 2, &do all the usual break up rituals,cos u obviously have something which is stoppin u from seein the light,so keep busy.& I know the reasons r selfish,but try 2reinvest in ur 9yr relationship,which must've taken a bit of a back seat lately.
Sounds like u need 2ditch both guys,but I'm in the same situation (been wiv boyf 4 6yrs, &jst split from another guy I loved 4 the past 3yrs). As nobody knew about my 3yr affair,I've got no shoulders 2cry on,but I'll b damned if I'm doin the sensible thing by 'spendin time on my own &findin myself'. 1 day,we should both do that; it'd b healthy, but 4 now,get rid of the jerk at work & try 2love ur fiance again.Don't tell him the truth unless u know he'll deal wiv it,but dnt marry him until u're committed either.
The motto here is: 1 thing at a time, 1 day at a time.
2006-10-18 00:56:17 · answer #4 · answered by viv friend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question: he does NOT love you equal because he will never leave her for you no matter if you get married or not! I was in a situation like this in college, the guy talked a lot but still got married. The most important piece is if he would leave her for you, guess what; he will leave you for someone else in the future. Never take a man like that. If you love your fiance, get married. Personally, you should come clean with him too, he deserves that if he is going to make you his wife.
2006-10-18 00:25:58 · answer #5 · answered by Rhode Island Red 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes please forget him!!! you have made a commitment to your fiance, you shouldnt be getting involved with other guys. I'ts not fair on him, think how you would feel if it was the other way round! This guy will never leave his girlfriend and he's probably just enjoying the kick out of it all. You need to concentrate on your boyfriend and I would talk to this other guy and explain to him that you will be getting married to your boyfriend and that this affair has to stop. I'ts not fair on either partner. He is only getting upset about you getting married, so that he can make you feel guilty and stop you from doing it. However you need to ask whether you do really love your partner if you are doing this to him, and whether you're ready to marry him!!! Good luck.
2006-10-17 23:47:49 · answer #6 · answered by Jess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? Did you really have to ask yahoo for this one? You need to first ask yourself do you love YOURSELF? If you did, why would you allow your body and your emotions to go through that. You are lying to yourself, your fiance, and the other guy on the side. Are you concered about stds? If this guy is sleeping with you and has a girlfriend, what do you think he will do when you have a relationship and you are engaged! You will do the same thing when you get with him and find someone who is more appealing. First things first, find out who you are and what you deserve. And why 9 years being engaged? Thats a long *** time!
2006-10-17 23:50:42 · answer #7 · answered by science rules! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships that are based on, or depend wholly on deceit or dishonesty are always destructive to all concerned. Nothing good at all will come of all this betrayal and you will be the one who suffers the worst of it.
I do not see that you have a relationship with either of these people that is honest or positive.
You can not trust this man you have been seeing- he lies to his partner, then he probably also lies to you. Forget him, he is using you for reasons only known to himself. Since you cannot trust him, how are you ever going to build a successful relationship with him?. it is not possible, end this now. He is a weak person who would rather trample on the feelings of others than put himself in a position where he has to make a choice. He would seem to have an inability also to put somebody elses needs ahead of his wants. You are behaving no less selfishly than he is.
As for your fiancee. I think you have to seriously evaluate whether you should continue this relationship. Why did you cheat? It's about time you started communicating with this person who you intend to marry and offer them some honesty and respect. Whether you confess your deceit to him or not is up to you, but whatever you choose- i would suggest that you vow at least to yourself not to lie to him again- if you intend to marry him that is.
I hope you sort all of this out before it explodes in your face, take care
S
x
2006-10-18 00:10:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This seems to be a very messy situation that must be hard to deal with. The person at work that you’re seeing clearly has issues with relationships and commitment, and it doesn’t seem like you’re in a healthy relationship with him at all. You need to ask yourself why you like being with him- perhaps its because you do not want to commit to your fiancé and this is your way of escaping.
As for your fiancé- do you really want to marry a man who you are not committed to, and perhaps do not love? If you have been having an affair for so long- is it fair on both of you to think of marriage. There is also the question of unfair treatment.
Its easy for people to give advice- and mine would be to leave both of these men and look for a more meaningful loving relationship where you would not want to be with anyone else- but its much harder when you are in the situation. I do hope that this works out and you find happiness.
2006-10-17 23:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, forget him!
As a matter of fact, you need to forget your partner, too. If you've been engaged for NINE YEARS, and are not any closer to getting married than you were 9yrs ago, it's not going to happen.
And, you're obviously not happy with your partner anyway, otherwise, you'd never have looked elsewhere.
Forget the both of them, and find someone who you can love who loves you back just as much.
2006-10-17 23:49:43 · answer #10 · answered by Kristen K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!
Piglet you need to decide what you want and until that happens perhaps you should considering ending it with your fiance. Also defo ended it with the bit on the side. He's using you. To me it sounds like he getting from you what he's not getting from home. Plus the likely hood of getting STD'd when mixing partners is incredibly higher.
Maybe you should ask yourelf some real questions. Who do you love? You have one bloke wanting to spend the rest of his life with you and how do you react to that by having an affair with someone that is just treating you as his 'beckon call girl' come one have some self respect.
2006-10-18 00:31:16 · answer #11 · answered by Becky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋